Warning rant, very angry right now

[AlCzervik]

My late mothers family sucks, self absorbed assholes, everyone except for my late grandparents. They grew up in Somerville ma, very poor, grandparents were Irish immigrants. Anyhow, the 2 oldest wanted out asap. My uncle joined the service, missed out on Nam of course and My Aunt got herself knocked up my an older Italian guy. They never wanted to look back. So my Nanny was dying, older siblings didn't go to the hospital once.."hospitals make me sad" "Very busy with the kids'. My Mom who had no money and worked 2 jobs cared for both parents and paid for the funeral expenses, went deep into debt. 2 older siblings went to parents Apt and took everything that wasn't nailed down including my Nanny's wedding ring that she want to be buried with. Flash forward 5 years, my mother is terminally ill, wants to live at home, me-16 at the time cares for her as well as the good people of hospice. I called my aunt and uncle, told them of her condition-"I'll try to come see her, very busy Dear". They never showed, not once, never even went to her funeral. I saw my Aunt a few days after the service and she lit into me "I dint want to look back, your mother and Somerville remind me of being poor, it makes me sad." I told her to fuck off and her husband and her 5 idiot sons. Never saw her again, she died 5 years ago, i read that in the paper-boohoo.

OK, so about an hour ago my cousin calls me, daughter of asshole Uncle. She says he's dying and he really wants to make amends, doesn't want to die with me hating him. "Really, my Mom died knowing her brother and sister didn't give a shit about her and now your Dad wants to outsource his guilt on me?" "Well he feels really bad, he's leaving you something." "He should feel bad and whatever it is i don't want it."

Then it hits me, why she's really calling-I own the family plot, it's in my name and i decide WHO gets buried there. I ask her about the plot and she says "Yes he and my Mom would like to be buried there." "I bet they do, sucks to be them, no room at the inn Cuz." She starts crying, says she didn't really want to call me, and i said, "Well you could have told him you couldn't find me so i guess you really did want to talk me into letting your parents be buried in the family plot." than she says, and i couldn't believe the nerve"We are family you know"..."No we are not, none of you are my family, you're proven that time and time again." She's all miffed now, i tell her "Don't you ever call me again, and tell your Dad to go buy his own plot, him and your Mom are not welcome."

OK, i sound pretty harsh, but the pain these people have inflicted on my mother and me was awful, i fucking hate tham and i dint give a shit that my uncle's dying, i really dont and i don't owe these people anything.

OK, i'm done now.

[Left Is Write]

1. I'm sorry.

The whole situation sounds very painful for you, and I'm sorry.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

2. I don't blame you one bit.

And I'd do the same thing if my asshole brother ever called me in a like manner.

[Lindacooks]

3. You're right, you don't owe them ANYTHING

I am kind of concerned about the anger in your post - believe me, I totally understand it, but are thoughts of these people taking up a lot of your time? If so, you are letting them live rent-free in your head and diminishing your quality of life while not doing anything to them.

I just hope that you have other things in your life that you can make bigger and crowd the memory of these awful people out, or at least make them a much, much smaller part of your life.

And bravo to you - a 16 year old taking care of his terminally ill mother with no help? What a wonderful person you are.

[AlCzervik]

7. You know what? I never think about them at all

and her call brought it all back. I havent seen these people in 20 years and i'm pissed because she intruded on my life.

[Lindacooks]

31. I'm very glad.

Live your life the best you can, and forget about those miserable creatures.

[Flammable Materials]

4. Wow, my brain isn't able to process the situation.

I'm glad my family is so spread out and disconnected from each other.

[nadinbrzezinski]

5. Good for you

Granted my parents keep telling me that family is family, but family is what you make... not what you are born to.

Now go take a walk....

And I cannot blame you one iota... I have family like that...

[Raster]

15. What a great comment: Family is what you make.

And dear friends are the family you get to choose.

[Goldmund]

6. Good for you man.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

8. I would have done the same thing.

I hate people who only call when they need something and think you owe it to them even though when the shoe was on the other foot, they couldn't be bothered. Fuck them.
Duckie

[commander bunnypants]

9. so sorry friend

My parents siblings are real jerks also plus my cousins too.. When I fell off a cliff in Sandiego and well almost died. Not one call from them rich L. A. assess I am better off.

Peace

CB

[kick-ass-bob]

10. "i really dont and i don't owe these people anything."

No, you don't. They are not your family.

Karma rolls back to them...

[DenverDem]

11. You are completely justified in your feelings.

God bless you for taking care of your sainted mother.

Funny how the impending questions of Saint Peter will allow sinners to see the error of their ways. To forgive is divine, but your uncle asks an awful lot, awfully late.

[Raster]

12. No hon, you don't sound harsh. It is an unfortunate fact of life that

some people are assholes. And further unfortunate that sometimes we are related to said assholes. They weren't there for your Nanny, your Mom or you. Now as their pitiful little lives grind to a close, they want to absolve their guilt on your shoulders. I agree with you; the inn is closed and you don't owe these bastards a thing.

As the great Bette Midler has said a thousand times: "FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE."

[sniffa]

13. damn

good for you though. :D

i'LL be your famiLy. :hug:

[AlCzervik]

18. thanks Sniff, love ya!

and they wonder why i moved 3000 miles away.

[RUDUing2]

14. You are right you don't owe *them* anything..

but before making your decision consider two things

1. What would you mom and grandparents want you to do?
and
2. How are you going to feel in a few years about your decision?

You have every right to your anger..and you have every right to make whatever decision you feel is right for you. I just want to make sure that you think this through first and make the decision that will help you not one that in later years may hurt you.

Your aunt and uncle sound like self centered asses...no argument there and you are completely correct saying that you don't owe them anything, not even a spot in the family plot...but you also have shown in every word of your post how much you loved your mother and how important she was to you. So before deciding to treat your uncle in the way he deserves take a few minutes and think about how your mom would have reacted if she had still been alive and if she was the one they had approached for the first time in years with this request...

[AlCzervik]

17. He treated his parents like shit and they thought he hung the moon

My Mom knew he was an asshole, she hated they way he treated their parents. I'm not letting him in, he doesn't deserve to be there.

[johnnie]

16. Sorry to hear about all of this

It happens too much that families turn into this. We have some assholes in my family also, but I can't get to the point of hating them. I truly believe that people are just people and I can't hold that against them. When it is all said and done, people die and that's the end of whatever they did to us in the first place.
I just can't find the time to hate anyone and if they are really shitty to me, I just feel sorry for them, but I won't hold it against them.
I hope some of your anger and hatred dies down and you don't let it all get to you too much more.

[Ganja Ninja]

19. I have family like that too.

Be assured you did the right thing. Tough cheese for them if they don't like it.

[BrklynLiberal]

23. Change your phone number ............

and get it unlisted so they can't bother you anymore.......
You did the right thing.
Don't spend another minute thinking about them. They do not deserve it. They are not really your family anymore.

[AlCzervik]

27. I'm going to buy an marin air horn, the kind in a can

and if she ever calls me again i'm going to blow her eardrums out.

[Book Lover]

20. I'm glad you could vent that here

Family is always embarrasing, family is always tough. What you did sounds right and it sounds just. Good luck for the next phonecall you get from her.

[AlCzervik]

21. Thanks, and i dont think she'll call again

[Patiod]

22. I thought I was the only Irish person with a family plot soap opera

Sorry about what's happening to you - family bitterness can be very corrosive.

My mom's grandfather was in competition with another Irishman all his life (the other guy did much better than him, financially). When Irishman #2 died, he erected a huge obelisk. When my great-grandfather died, he erected on which was about a foot taller.

Recently, a huge storm knocked over both obelisks. Irishman #2's fell in one piece, and could be re-erected for a reasonable price. My great-grandfather's broke. My mom offered to round everyone up to pay for it to be fixed and re-erected -- when she contacted the deed holder, who was applying for insurance money for the damage, she was informed that the money would be going to the insuree's kid's college fund (they're not poor), not to fix the monument. The deed holder's mother hadn't wanted my impoverished uncle buried there, in case one of her children wanted it. Meh. I'm being cremated.

In addition, both my parents went through a lot of nasty stuff with siblings when their respective parents died - ugly ugly ugly. You'd think they would have learned something from this.

My brother is in and out of their favor, and they've threatened to cut him out of the will. Just to protect our relationship, I've told them AND him that they can do what they want, but if they leave me anything and cut him out, I'm splitting anything they leave to me 50/50 with him. That way there's no divide-and-conquer, no suspicions (I know his nasty wife thinks I visit them frequently in order to "stay in the will"). My S.O. thinks I'm crazy, but I consider it kharma insurance.

[petronius]

29. Isn't that insurance fraud?

Perhaps once the check is cashed you can force the deed-holder to do the fixing...

[demnan]

24. Well look on the bright side

At least you don't have to spend Thanksgiving with these turds!

[havocmom]

25. You handled the situation wisely and well. Now, waste no more energy on

those who only take. Easy to say, hard to do, but don't dwell there in hell. Shut that door and go out and do nice things for people you care about and who care about you. Rejoice in the life you have made, the lessons of your mother and the real family you make along your way in life.

I am inspired by your firm action. You were not harsh at all.

[skygazer]

26. I cannot blame you for your feelings

I think you are fully justified. Shame on them for leaving a 16 year old kid to deal with his dying mother alone! "Your mother and Somerville remind me of being poor" - that's cold.

I'm fully on your side in this - they made their bed, as they say and now they can lay in it. Let them sweat finding their own plot - they left you and your mother out to dry. That's not family. :hug:

[hyphenate]

28. You did the right thing

My father's family was like that, and my mom told them off and never spoke to them again. We didn't miss them. There are such miserable bastards out there who will suck others dry and keep on doing exactly as they want to without regard to other people and their feelings. Bravo for you! You are to be congratulated for your bravery.

[knowbody0]

30. i so feel your pain

losing yer mum, surrounded by sharks.
similar to my own. i walked away from them l7 years ago. it was the right decision for MY family. good luck to you. every now and then i get her scent and feel her spirit close to me.
lov and peace

[China_cat]

32. You did what you needed to

I wish I had something as good to say no to when my so-called family comes calling for something.

When my daughter died (at 5 days of age) and I asked to bury her in the plot that had been bought for me, next to my mother, my stepfather refused to allow it. So now my daughter is buried in what was her father's home (he's deceased and buried elsewhere), a place I can't even afford to visit.

[AlCzervik]

33. I'm so sorry for your loss, i cant even imagine

:hug:

[yardwork]

36. I am so sorry for your loss.

Your stepfather's cruelty is appalling.

[wicket]

34. You owe them NOTHING

Don't let your uncle send you on a guilt trip, it's his own damn fault and not yours.

PS. I live in Somerville, we must be neighbors! :)

[AlCzervik]

40. you know maybe you and he are neighbors

they lived on winter hill. Thankfully i live in califonria now, maybe i'll move back east when they are all gone.

[wicket]

46. yep, he's my neighbor then

I'm in Union Square (about half mile from Winter Hill). Good luck with everything and I'm glad you stood your ground! :hug: My great-grandparents lived in Somerville in the 1920's and 1930's, it'd be neat if our families new each other! :)

[Brewman_Jax]

35. I know the feeling

My mother was sick in the hospital (pneumonia) all summer. Couldn't get any assistance from my father or brothers (2); all live in the metro area. I won't be seeing them for Thanksgiving, and they are getting no Christmas gifts from me. I'll tell them not to buy me anything, they let me know what they thought of me already. (The youngest one gets a break, he's the starving artist who is actually useful in a crisis, but if there ain't a crisis, don't look for him.)

You stood your ground. Good job! :thumbsup:

[AlCzervik]

42. I'm sorry for you loss

but i'm glad she has you to rely on.:hug:

[saracat]

45. Read her post a bit more carefuly.People didn't go to her funeral.

But you are nice to hope for her>

[yardwork]

37. My heart aches for you as a sixteen year old caring for your mother

It sounds like this call from your cousin brought back a lot of horrific memories of loneliness, abandonment, and rage. I'm sad that happened to you.

[AlCzervik]

41. the people from hospice were wonderful, they made it

the tiniest bit bearable for me and did wonders for my mom, they treater her the way i always wished she was cared for.

[yardwork]

43. I'm glad to know that hospice helped you

[City of Mills]

38. Ugh, not family - strangers with blood relations, maybe

Trying to make nice and play the family card when they need something. Screw that. I can't stand people like that. You did the right thing. Your DU family here cares more about you.

[miss_kitty]

39. I am sorry for the pain this has caused you

I know how you feel. You need to do what you feel best with. I wrote some family out of my life and i never looked back, never regretted it. I don't look upon it with glee either. It's just too bad they had to be miserable, manipulative sods.

I am relieved that once I cut them out, I never had to deal with their grasping greedy avaricious faces again.

"We ARE family, you know" Yeah when it suits ya. Sheesh.:eyes:

[saracat]

44. Good for you! This is healthy mature anger.

You are not codependent or a fool . You don't deserve to be treated like one. These people long ago lost the right to be called "family". You hold your head up high and be glad you walked away (in a sense). Make your life a wonderful thing and waste no time on these people. They are toxic. Move on and bless you. I had a similar situation and I know wherof you speak. Mine did the same with my Mom, only I was twenty. You go girl!