The only thing I'm stockpiling for the Rapture is Honey Buns,

[MichaelHarris]

you know, those big-ass ones with that white icing about 3/4 of an inch thick. The ones that actually give you chest pains after you eat it. I figure it this way, I get up there and God wants to try one so I hook him up. He likes it so much he lets me sit near the big chair. I got to thinking, what if God eats the honey bun, has chest pains and seeing there is no 911 in heaven he croaks. That would upset the hell out of the cosmos not to mention fuck up my karma. I thought a little further that if that happened Jesus would become the man and get to sit in the big chair then he would want the honey bun. I would have to say, "no Jesus dude, the honey bun did your old man in, you should stick with your whole Haight Ashbury hippie thing and stick to grains and fruits and stuff, your people dig that." He tells me, "you know you're right, the flowing hair and beard has worked for me this long so I may as well say 'No' to the honey bun." He's so happy about it he lets me sit next to the big chair.

I thought a little further about the honey bun dilemma and remembered those movies The Last Temptation and The Passion I thought what if they were really about the Last Temptation of the Honey Bun or The Passion of the Honey Bun. Sure enough late at night while lying in my cloud hammock I hear cellophane rustling and sure enough, there's Jesus bogarting my honey buns. I say, "Hey Jesus dude man, those are my honey buns what? You think you own this place" I had to make a decision, The more I think about it I should just eat all the honey buns now.

[madinmaryland]

1. Don't you have to be dead to go to heaven.

And if you are in heaven, how can you die? Now I'm going to be thinking about this all night.

[MichaelHarris]

2. you're in heaven

everytime you open one of those honey buns with the thick-ass icing.

[Bat Boy]

3. Oh...RAPTURE...

I feel like an idiot. I've been preparing for the RUPTURE.

Anyone know where I can unload ten years worth of trusses?

[MichaelHarris]

4. hahahaha see if this guy needs um, he's carrying some "junk"