Ever had to terminate a friendship? How and Why?

[bliss_eternal]

Just curious...

Anyone?

[ET Awful]

1. Yes, with a guy that had been my friend for a few years.

As he leaned more and more towards the racist bullshit he learned from his dad. For a while it seemed like he'd break free of the cycle, but then he started hanging out with a few skinheads who drug him back down into the whole thing.

I basically quit talking to the guy for over a year, then he called me out of the clear blue and said "Guess what! My girlfriend's having a baby. . . and I got white tattooed on one arm and power tattooed on the other." I told him not to call me again because I had no desire to know him, and he never did.

[LynneSin]

2. Yes, pretty much so with my oldest and dearest friend

She called me a traitor and said I should be shot for treason for protesting against our government. I have been friends with her for over 20 years and I can barely be in her presense anymore. I still love her to death and would do anything for her if she needed help, but I won't even call her anymore. Her life has pretty much become shit with the new boyfriend she has - a drunk who cheats on her. Since the traitor incident I've attempted to patch things up with her, but I know the boyfriend is nothing but bad news. He's a drunk and he's dragging her down to his level. She's now becoming a drunk and unfortunately the person being neglected is her 14 year old daughter who sits at home alone at nights while mom (my friend) goes out and drinks with the boyfriend.

I had to walk away, what else could I do?

[fleabert]

3. yes

a friend from high school decided to make me choose between her and my boyfriend (we were by then in our twenties). I told her a real friend wouldn't give me an ultimatum and that she made the decision for me. I ended up marrying the guy. They did not get along at all, but the boyfriend never once asked me not to hang out with her, nor did he exclude her from any events, even though he wanted to. She was vicious towards him all the time.

[Crankie Avalon]

4. I met someone once I got out of college...

...who seemed like a fun guy to hang around with during my twenties. He became my best friend. We went to clubs, did lots of coke (he introduced me to it), and picked up a few women of dubious character every now and then...then, as the years went by the lifestyle became boring for me, but he never grew tired of it.

I tried hanging out with him without doing the drugs, but he always had them on him and had a way of trying to talk you into doing them with him. A lot of times he succeeded, even though I didn't really want to do it, anymore. He also started dealing to others once he got the stuff from his own dealer, with a slight mark-up for himself.

I decided to write him off. He was 33 and still acting like we were in our mid-twenties. I was 29 and figured he was the sort of guy who is "a friend of one's youth" but not really of one's adulthood. We had some fun times and he made my twenties as a bachelor in New York more interesting, but I don't regret the break.

[Dzimbowicz]

5. Yes, a very dear friend of mine

from my time in the Marines; and, who was very open-minded during that time but remained in the military as a career. We reestablished contact about four years ago (after about a twenty year separation) and I discovered he had become a radical, born-again christian and out-spoken, freeper repuke.
He went off on me because I had remained a "liberal" (a slanderous term in his limited vocabulary) and had remained so because I am in the field of education. After a lengthy exchange, into which I will not expound, I told him that he had become the American version of a Nazi. He admitted that he "looked good" in black, but in no way was similar to them. I tried to point out how he was prejudiced against anyone who did not share his ideas about the world, religion, etc. and that was the qualifying factor in my new opinion of him.

An example of his prejudice: He went off about how he had to give equal time to satanists and Muslims for their religious beliefs when they should be on duty (in the military). Then I asked him how many times he had had to deal with a situation such as he had described. His answer: "not as of yet, but was sure Clinton and his buddies would see to it that he would."

With that I said "good-bye". I have not seen or herad from him since. No regrets on my part.

[The Backlash Cometh]

6. I'm the Queen of departure.

My mom said it was better to be alone than in bad company and I took that advice to heart. Not at first, mind you, in my youth I actually enjoyed being around people who were different than I was, but as I got older, I found those relationships were too emotionally draining. Then, when I had children, I realized that trust was a major requirement. I had a girl friend, who could have been called a tumbleweed, and who would crash on my sofa whenever she was in town. I finally stopped returning her calls when the last time she visited, she left the curling iron on and in reach of my four year old. And I've left in droves friends who began breaking away from courteous, civil, neutral conversation to bring up Republican talking points. Funny thing is, the Republicans were the biggest drinkers in the crowd and one of them even said later on that they don't know how it was that I made the social circle since I don't really drink.

[animuscitizen]

16. Very insightful...

"My mom said it was better to be alone than in bad company and I took that advice to heart... I found those relationships were too emotionally draining."

It is common to sacrifice personal ethics, values, and even emotional wellbeing for the sake of a relationship. Perhaps this boils down to a deep rooted fear of being alone and desire for connectedness. But the energy vampires can drain our spirit. This leaves one facing the reality that the relationship never protected the self from the dreaded fear--loneliness.

I believe that if a person has one or two trustworthy and healthy relationships, that is a fortunate person.

Exiting unhealthy relationships is like cleaning out the closets: a necessary, daunting, yet cleansing task.

[mcscajun]

17. Good phrase: Energy Vampires...

...I had one of those. Close friend, each of us married, all good friends together. I get divorced...it's rough...I begin to move on. Her marriage is breaking up, very rough...we're still spending time together.

I keep moving forward in my life, and things get better for me. She's stuck in not only her past but mine, keeps wanting to talk about my ex and how bad he was. I'm past that...it's draining...I don't live there anymore.

It got truly bad when she got into bad company and very bad drugs. She started calling me with talk of suicide, she would use her kids to guilt me into visiting. Not only by reference by putting words into their mouths to say to me.

I had to walk away...for my own sanity. I couldn't get dragged down in her destructive spiral. Haven't seen her for years and years now...no guilt any more.

Always cut the vampires loose. And Don't Look Back.

[dr.strangelove]

7. I lost my best friend over a girl that neither of us see any more

One of the worst mistakes I ever made was letting a relationship with a girl destroy a friendship. I grew up with one best friend through grade school, high school and college. During college he started to date an ex-girlfriend of mine. They went out for about two years, during that time our relationship declined. she did not want him to see me anymore, and I often said very bad things about her. Finally, we came to a drunken St. Patrick's day where we beat each other up badly. We didn't talk for almost 5 years. We finally saw each other and talked. He had since broken up with her, met a wonderful girl and married her. I also married a wonderful women and moved across the country. I've seen him once or twice since then, and it has been cordial, but strained. The friendship did not survive the terrible mistake.

Sorry, I know this is not exactly on point, and probably not what you were looking for, but writing it was therapeutic for me.

[Gardeaux08]

8. Oh, Yes!

The couple who introduced me to my ex-husband. To be fair, I stopped dealing with them long before we divorced and I never considered them "at fault" for introducing us. We lived too close to them and they thought they had the right to put their faces in our business. And when the relationship turned abusive, I had three people telling me how I deserved it instead of just one. So when I dumped the man, I dumped the friends too. And then when I attempted to mend the relationship later on (it was a long shot but I had to try), they stayed out of my life. Of course, my marriage ended but at least we attempted to put it back together. And I don't think we would have had a chance if those two were still in the picture.

[StopTheMorans]

9. yes, i'm currently in the process of De-Friending, and it's very difficult

had been friends with another guy i worked with at a restaurant a few years ago. this guy didn't get along with his family and had only 1 other friend. i felt bad for him b/c i felt like he was a pretty good dude; just had a lot of anger management issues (and i found his quirks incredibly amusing). well, we were at a bar watching the first patriots game of the season, and he decided to start yelling at me over the fact that i claimed to be a red sox fan (when i grew up in new york state). after i had repeatedly told him that it was a trivial matter and that it was just sports, he kept yelling (and scared away the group of girls i was talking to). since this wasn't the first time he'd lost his shit in public; i just decided that he was too much of a liability and that it wasn't my job to put up with it. still sucks tho...

[NashVegas]

11. Me Too

Just about the saddest thing I've ever done. My best friend, from high school and 15 + years later, was the first person I ever really trusted after my parents were divorced (was 5 at the time), and the one who taught me I could trust without getting screwed.

We can still crack each other up like no one's business, but differing values that were never an issue up until the last five years started driving a wedge. Where before we never judged each other on the basis of these values (not moral, but societal), it does happen now. It sucks to suddenly find yourself disapproving and being disapproved of by someone who's meant so much.

Recently we met and discussed it, but to no resolution. Hard to let go entirely.

[SarahB]

10. Yes

Generally if I find out they're either stupid, insult me in some way or are otherwise complete fruitcakes I've been known to say "bye bye" in one way or another. I don't have enough time to waste like that.
Misanthropy is often a highly under-rated lifestyle in my opinion. I'd much rather spend time by myself than with irritating people.

[City of Mills]

12. Best Friend, always around until he met a girl

Then, could never track him down, always had excuses, busy busy etc. Finally he calls me to invite me in the wedding. I no-showed. Problem solved!

[NamVetsWeeLass]

13. yes

a girl I knew from the Net... At first she would call asking me for advise, she is kinda whacked out, but I did what I could for her. She then had this friend that is a bigger nutbar than she is start talking to me about her problems as well...and this girl she introduced me to is a complete nutcase psycho. THEN she starts complaining of having "stalkers" online.... Well, I believed her for a awhile until she sent me a message log that she forgot to alter... This person was supposedly so Terrible... She sent me a log and then told me not to read it, and sent me another one... She had linked the scary Stalker person to the chat area she was currently in in the unaltered log. (yet she was scared to death of this guy...Snort Chuckle) In teh Altered log the place where she had linked him to the Chat area had been removed. In The Unaltered Log, it showed her being the one PMing him initially, In the Altered log, she made it look like He had PM'ed her.

[Wat_Tyler]

14. Just cut 'em off. It's easy.

I'm currently doing it to Dolo Amber and HEyHEY. No problemo.

[Arkana]

15. I was accused of plagiarizing someone's work...

when I actually didn't, and my accuser was one of my best friends. Naturally that friendship was over.