charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:32 PM
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Should I get married and move to Illinois? |
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Raised in Chicago, my boyfriend lives there. I came down to Alabama to help take care of my father, then my mother. Both have passed away now. I own my own home here, have family here. But I'm homesick. I have family in Chicago too. Yikes! Decision, decisons. I need some advice, quick.
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mhr
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:33 PM
Response to Original message |
1. If You Have To Ask - The Answer Is Probably No |
charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:40 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
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But why do I think about this about 12 hours a day?
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raggedcompany
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:35 PM
Response to Original message |
2. Get the hell out of Alabama |
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That's my vote. Good luck.
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charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:40 PM
Response to Reply #2 |
9. I feel like a Martian down here. |
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But I don't want to lose the roof over my head. I have a feeling, with shrub steering the economy, I'm going to need it.
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barb162
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:35 PM
Response to Original message |
3. how many years have you been in Alabama |
charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:41 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
10. More than I care to say. |
Aiptasia
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:36 PM
Response to Original message |
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Questioning here means there are still questions in your mind. Don't rush into anything like this too hastily. My best friend in the world lived with his fiancee for nine years before he worked up the nerve to pop the question. He's getting married Dec. 1st this year BTW, but marriage isn't something i'd want to rush into.
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fluffernutter
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:36 PM
Response to Original message |
5. go. adventure is the spice of life. |
charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:47 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
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But my life has had spice enough. Now I'm looking to find where I really, really belong. Part of me says go with the head (Alabama), part of me says go with the heart (Illinois).
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Bush_Eats_Beef
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:36 PM
Response to Original message |
6. Maybe you could rent out the home in Alabama on a 1 year lease... |
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...go to Illinois, give it a year (since you're homesick) and if at the end of that time it hasn't worked out, you'd still have a home in Alabama. If it does work out, sell the Alabama home and stay in Illinois.
Just one option. Go wherever it really, really feels like "home."
:toast:
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bettyellen
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:48 PM
Response to Reply #6 |
13. Good advice-- look at all your options. but people raised an interesting.. |
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point with the if you have to ask, then you shouldn't do it.It's not neccesarily so. Do you agonize over most big decisions? Do yo hesitate to do things and loose the opportunity and regret it? Or do you sometimes know right away something is right for you, even if it's a biggie? In a nutshell is this the hardest decision you have ever made? We all have different styles in decision making, and it may mean absolutely nothing if you are the kind of person who thinks things through a lot. As am I. There's always shacking up and renting the house in Alabama.... you have to do what you must to prtect yourself, moving so far is a huge thing in and of itself. If you have resevations, take it a step at a time. And if he balks, use the old chesnut, "It's not you, it's me." Because it's usually the truth! Good luck!
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charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:15 PM
Response to Reply #13 |
21. I'm usually a snap decision maker, |
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or at least I was one. Spent my life doing things most folks didn't understand. But the problem this time is I'm not as young as I used to be. I'm in an ocean of conservatism that tells me I should plan for my security---Alabama. On the other hand, the part of me that quit my job and want to college at 30 says if you're not happy, it doesn't matter how secure you are.
It's a difficult decision.
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bettyellen
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:21 PM
Response to Reply #21 |
24. doesn't sound like you should give up your home then. |
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It's just the impression I am getting. The job maybe, but a job and a home, I think it would be too much for me also. Good luck!
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charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:26 PM
Response to Reply #24 |
27. The thing is, I can transfer to Chicago. |
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I wouldn't be giving up my job--unless shrub outsources me.
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tjdee
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:39 PM
Response to Original message |
7. There are two different decisions here: you don't have to do both. |
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Edited on Sat Nov-27-04 01:41 PM by tjdee
Your post says that you're homesick.
It does not say you want to get married.
I don't know the whole story, obviously... do you have a great job in Alabama or something? Doesn't sound like your heart is in staying in Alabama.
But that doesn't mean you have to rush into getting married, either.
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charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:45 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
11. I do have a good job. |
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But it's a government job, which means it may not be that secure anymore. However, if I transferred to Illinois, I might lose the job and be stuck with no house. At least if I lose the job down here, I'd have a place to live, free and clear.
Yikes!!! I'm so confused.
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tjdee
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:52 PM
Response to Reply #11 |
15. If there were no other factors, what would you do? |
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Edited on Sat Nov-27-04 01:54 PM by tjdee
If you had a job both places, and a place to live both places, which would you choose?
So often people get crowded in their decision making--my new philosophy is to do what you really want to do. Because things can go in a totally different direction even if you play it safe. If you strip the decision down to the basics--where you would be happiest--the choice becomes a lot easier.
Btw, if you go to Illinois and lose your job, wouldn't you be able to rely a bit on the nest egg from the sold house--or if you don't sell it, THEN go back to Alabama?
on edit--if this is a boyfriend motivated decision you're making, think harder about it. If there was no boyfriend, would you be thinking of moving? Please make this about YOU.
Good luck!
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charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:59 PM
Response to Reply #15 |
16. If I had a job and a place to live in both places, |
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I'd be in Chicago in a heartbeat. But, I could lose the job and have rent or a mortgage to pay. In this administration, that scenario is very likely. The nest egg from the house would not be that great.
If there was no boyfriend, I'd still want to go back home. I can't help thinking, however that, at this point in time, it would not be the smart move. But my heart.......
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tjdee
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:08 PM
Response to Reply #16 |
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Honestly.
Sounds like the house is the big issue then, totally understand.
Can you save up for a year and then go?
Can you get feelers out to see whether you can get a job in Illinois?
Look for ways to make it work, instead of talking yourself out of what you really want.
Good luck!
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charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:11 PM
Response to Reply #18 |
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You've made me feel better. Thanks, tjdee. I'm a Southside Chicagoan at heart. Let me count the ways!!!
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amazona
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Sat Nov-27-04 01:51 PM
Response to Original message |
14. I would hate to give up owning my own home |
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I would investigate the housing and financial impact of the move since boyfriends, let's face it, sometimes come and go.
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elehhhhna
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:02 PM
Response to Reply #14 |
17. If you haven't been back to Chitown in a few years, yo'll be shocked! |
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Richie Daley has the place so clean it sparkles! I swear you'd think you're in canada. Housing's more expensive of course, but you can't beat the peole, nightlife, parks, and lakefront...
Odds are also in your favor there if it doesn't work out with the BF--lots of eligible, intelligent, DEMOCRATIC guys there.
Sleep on it, meditate, pray, whatever...but it's more fulfilling to follow your heart, imho.
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charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #17 |
19. I'm in Chicago about once a year.... |
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still have family there. I get depressed driving down I65 on the way back. I don't worry about the BF--I've known him too long. Your post makes me homesick.
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elehhhhna
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:16 PM
Response to Reply #19 |
22. Well honey it sounds like you're heart's made up and your mind just needs |
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to just catch up!
And have some pizza for me when you get home. There is no such thing as decent pizza in all of Texas.
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fluffernutter
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:24 PM
Response to Reply #22 |
25. i agree - you know you wanna ;) make the leap. do it. |
charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:25 PM
Response to Reply #22 |
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Nothing like good pizza in Alabama either. I yearn for a good Uno's or Nancy's pizza. Yummy.
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elehhhhna
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Sat Nov-27-04 04:06 PM
Response to Reply #26 |
28. Try Aurelio's in the South Suburbs (Homewood) oooh man! |
charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 08:17 PM
Response to Reply #28 |
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In fact, my boyfriend used to live in Homewood. Yummy!
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SmokingJacket
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Sat Nov-27-04 02:18 PM
Response to Original message |
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Marriage is fun.
And if it's not, you can always get a divorce.
Winters are great, too.;)
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neebob
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Sat Nov-27-04 04:12 PM
Response to Original message |
29. Can't you just move back to Chicago and not get married? |
charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 08:18 PM
Response to Reply #29 |
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But the house thing is giving me pause.
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goodboy
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Sat Nov-27-04 04:13 PM
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30. I'd rather be in Chicago than 'Bama...for what it's worth...nt |
warrens
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Sat Nov-27-04 04:25 PM
Response to Original message |
31. Hmmm, let's do a cost-benefit analysis |
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Chicago: Wrigley, great restaurants, reasonable weather, Durbin, Obama, terrific music and art scene, museums, spit in Alan Keyes' face, and your boyfriend
Alabama: Bunch of fundie dirtbags, NASCAR, 10 Commandments in the Supreme Court, Bubba's BBQ, tornados, no boyfriend.
Yup, a tough choice.
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charlyvi
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Sat Nov-27-04 08:19 PM
Response to Reply #31 |
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You make it sound so simple....great post.
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shesemsmom
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Sat Nov-27-04 04:33 PM
Response to Original message |
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if you would be happier moving. Do it. Only you will know
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Socialist Dem
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Sat Nov-27-04 08:24 PM
Response to Original message |
36. I live over by Chicago, |
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and you can't beat the peace of mind knowing you live in the "bluest of the blue"!!
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elehhhhna
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:17 PM
Response to Reply #36 |
39. You mean "Over by dere..." don'tcha? |
Corgigal
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Sat Nov-27-04 08:25 PM
Response to Original message |
37. Did you know they made a movie about your life? |
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Ya-Ya sisterhood movie. I think you're Sandra Bullock and by the way she moves back to the big city to marry her boyfriend.
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Moonbeam_Starlight
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Sat Nov-27-04 08:26 PM
Response to Original message |
38. Let's see, you live in Alabama, but have a chance to move |
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to Chicago?
What a no-brainer. GO!!! FUCKING GO!!!!!!!
(No offense to Alabamans here. I lived there, too, for a time. But I'd jump at the chance to move from a red state to a blue one.)
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