alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:37 AM
Original message |
Joke Thread!!! Why did the mushroom get invited to every party?? |
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Edited on Sun Nov-28-04 12:45 AM by alittlelark
A - because he was a fungi.
<edited for freeper spelling>
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whodiedandmadeUSgod
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:40 AM
Response to Original message |
1. What did the toilet say to the other toilet? |
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You look a little flushed.
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CO Liberal
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:42 AM
Response to Original message |
2. What's Yellow and Goes "Click-Click"??? |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:44 AM
Response to Reply #2 |
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is what my daughter rated it! Try again!
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Spiffarino
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:44 AM
Response to Original message |
4. What do you call Raggedy Ann in the mud with a rock in her mouth? |
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Edited on Sun Nov-28-04 12:47 AM by Spiffarino
Edit: too dirty for a daughter...let's try this one:
Why is a giraffe's neck so long?
Because his head is so far away from his body.
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:38 AM
Response to Reply #4 |
50. She liked that one !!!! |
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But she NEEDS TO GO TO SLEEP!!!!
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Lancer
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:45 AM
Response to Original message |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:46 AM
Response to Reply #5 |
8. One of my daughter's favorite jokes!!! |
proud2BlibKansan
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:58 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
59. What did the zero say to the eight? |
intheflow
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:46 AM
Response to Original message |
6. What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with the KKK? |
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Someone who leaves a burning question mark on your lawn.
What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who rings your doorbell but doesn't know why.
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:14 AM
Response to Reply #6 |
28. No one here got it but me... |
wtmusic
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:46 AM
Response to Original message |
7. Why did the chicken cross the playground? |
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He wanted to get to the other slide.
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Spiffarino
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:47 AM
Response to Reply #7 |
9. Why did the possum cross the |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:50 AM
Response to Reply #9 |
13. children are horrified, yet laughing... |
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... don't know what to say....?
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:49 AM
Response to Reply #7 |
10. My kids are ROTFLTAO. |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:54 AM
Response to Reply #7 |
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.... but I've gotta get them to sleep.....!!!
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Lancer
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:49 AM
Response to Original message |
11. What do you get when you mix Milk of Magnesia with orange juice? |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:52 AM
Response to Reply #11 |
16. Son gave daddy the punch line.... |
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right after I told him the joke....bad boy!!!!
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:55 AM
Response to Reply #11 |
18. Kids didn't get it, but hubby is quite amused! |
BlueJazz
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:49 AM
Response to Original message |
12. Who was Super-Chicken's alter Ego? |
BlueJazz
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:50 AM
Response to Reply #12 |
14. What do you call Cows with no legs? |
On the Road
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:03 AM
Response to Reply #14 |
23. What Do You Call a Deer with No Eyes? |
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No idea. ("No-eyed deer.")
What do you call a deer with no arms and no legs?
Still no idea. ("Still no-eyed deer.")
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:17 AM
Response to Reply #23 |
29. Told that to daughter as she was going to bed... |
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"very funny" she says as she cackles her discontent w/bedtime.
Actually, that is a really good one!
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On the Road
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:11 AM
Response to Reply #29 |
42. How About This? What Do You Get When You Cross An Elephant and a Rhino? |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:42 AM
Response to Reply #42 |
52. I had to repeat it twice, but then she |
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DREW a PICTURE!!! OMG - it is tooo funny (warped)!!! I will scan it and post in the future,
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:56 AM
Response to Reply #12 |
20. Kid's didn't get it again (they are sheltered) |
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but I liked it, in a juvenile sense!
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Dogmudgeon
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:51 AM
Response to Original message |
15. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? |
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Because his wife died.
--p!
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:57 AM
Response to Reply #15 |
21. This is a FAMILY Thread.... |
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... don't make me explain in front of .......
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Cloud
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:56 AM
Response to Original message |
19. How many dirty, stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? |
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3.
1 to screw in the lightbulb and 2 to throw feces at each other.
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:58 AM
Response to Reply #19 |
22. Daughter thinks WE are the ones screwing in the bulb!!!! |
DrGonzoLives
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:04 AM
Response to Original message |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:11 AM
Response to Reply #24 |
CO Liberal
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:04 AM
Response to Original message |
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Q - What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A - "Here come elephants over hill."
* * * * *
Q - What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
A - Nothing - he didn't recognize them.
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:13 AM
Response to Reply #25 |
27. I am sensing a deep analogy |
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... or maybe I had too much wine....?
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bloodyjack
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:23 AM
Response to Original message |
30. So a priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. |
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Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of JOKE?"
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:31 AM
Response to Reply #30 |
32. kids confused. hubbie and I Lovin It!! |
TahitiNut
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:24 AM
Response to Original message |
31. What's Irish and stays out all night? |
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A: Paddy O'Furniture <<rimshot>>
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:32 AM
Response to Reply #31 |
33. OK - I'm missin it, will ask hubby |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:34 AM
Response to Reply #31 |
34. OOOOKAY, hubby got it in seconds.... hate that!! |
TahitiNut
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:43 AM
Response to Reply #34 |
38. It's my favorite "ethnic joke". |
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I detest victim humor or humor that stereotypes people.
Unless they're Newfies or Yuppers. :silly:
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AVID
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:35 AM
Response to Original message |
35. What did the Budda say to the hotdog vendor? |
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Make me one with everything!!!
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crispini
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:36 AM
Response to Reply #35 |
36. What did the hot dog vendor say... |
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when the Buddha asked for his change?
"Change comes from within."
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:22 AM
Response to Reply #36 |
charlie
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:43 AM
Response to Original message |
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when you open the cabinet to retrieve the 1000-Island?
"Close the door, I'm dressing!"
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:25 AM
Response to Reply #37 |
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kiddies are :puke: all over the place!
try again.
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charlie
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:38 AM
Response to Reply #44 |
charlie
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:48 AM
Response to Reply #44 |
54. Okay, wait, I'll try again |
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A man is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the front door.
He opens the door, no one is there. Looks down and sees a snail on the stoop. "What in the heck???" He picks up the snail and throws it as hard as he can.
Three years later, he's sitting in his living room, hears a knock. Opens the door... and sees the same snail.
Snail sez, "What the hell was THAT all about?!"
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progressoid
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:58 AM
Response to Original message |
39. What did Bush get on his SAT? |
Rumba
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:07 AM
Response to Reply #39 |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:26 AM
Response to Reply #39 |
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Kids are laughin', but they must sleep soon.....
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Rumba
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:08 AM
Response to Original message |
41. Why did the baby cross the road? |
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Because he was stapled to the chicken.
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:27 AM
Response to Reply #41 |
Rumba
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:32 AM
Response to Reply #46 |
alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:36 AM
Response to Reply #47 |
48. I had not noticed it was you.... |
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... seen you around... no joke.
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progressoid
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:40 AM
Response to Original message |
51. One more before sleepy time |
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George W. and Laura are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken and fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," Laura says.
The waiter nods. "And for the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," Laura replies.
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alittlelark
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:45 AM
Response to Reply #51 |
53. OK, that one works for me! |
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but it is sooo elastic....
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Baja Margie
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Sun Nov-28-04 03:00 AM
Response to Original message |
55. What did one casket say to the other casket? |
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Is that you coffin?
did someone already do that?
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CO Liberal
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Sun Nov-28-04 11:41 AM
Response to Original message |
56. What's The Difference Between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg? |
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One is a flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other is a dirigible.
:-)
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baldguy
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:24 PM
Response to Original message |
57. A man walks into a doctors office with a frog growing out of his forehead. |
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The frog sez "Hey doc, could you help get this thing off my butt?"
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TheCentepedeShoes
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Sun Nov-28-04 12:54 PM
Response to Original message |
58. A man who lives alone |
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feels in need of companionship. He decides to get a pet and so walks down to the local pet shop. He looks over the puppies, kittens, birds and fish but doesn't see anything he especially likes. Then the shop owner shows him a little centipede. It comes with its own habitat that even includes a little "house" for when it wants privacy. The man takes the centipede home and the two start to get to know each other. One day the man decides to take his new friend out with him. The centipede is in his house and the man asks "Would you like to go down to Frank's Diner for lunch with me?" The centipede doesn't come out or respond in any way. He asks again "Would you like to go down to Frank's Diner for lunch?" Again, no response. He decides to try one more time, thinking the centipede didn't hear him, so he asks in a louder voice "WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO DOWN TO FRANK'S DINER?" And from inside the house comes a squeaky little voice "You don't have to shout, I heard you the first time. I'm just putting on my shoes."
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CO Liberal
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Sun Nov-28-04 01:05 PM
Response to Original message |
60. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? |
barackmyworld
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:03 PM
Response to Original message |
61. SO there's these two muffins in an oven |
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and one says to the other "Damn! It's hot in here!" and the other one says "Holy crap! A talking muffin!"
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Minimus
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Sun Nov-28-04 02:12 PM
Response to Original message |
62. did you hear the one about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? |
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he stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
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Merrick
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Mon Nov-29-04 03:00 PM
Response to Original message |
63. A businessman named Joe sees George Bush in a hotel lobby... |
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walks up, introduces himeself as a supporter and asks him to do him the favor of acknowledging him as he walks by with a client he's about to meet and is eager to impress. Bush agrees, and when the businessman returns to the library with his client in tow he waves and amiably calls out, "Hello Joe!" to which Joe scornfully replies: "Fuck off Bush, can't you see I'm with a client?!"
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DU
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Tue May 07th 2024, 04:45 PM
Response to Original message |