Not Sure I'll Make It to the New Year - Part 2

[Ladyhawk]

Those of you who have been listening to me, please read this post I made and the replies afterward and tell me what you think. I feel many of them are still blaming me and it hurts.

(Please only reply if you've read my other posts about this.)

http://www.aimoo.com/forum/postview.cfm?id=319472&CategoryID=11636&startcat=1&ThreadID=1048080

I've banned myself from that forum.

Oh god I hurt.

People said different things in private to me than they did in public. I feel so betrayed.

[Ladyhawk]

1. Please somebody help me. I can't stop crying.

[XanaDUer]

2. Well, I did not see your first post,

but you need to see if there is a 24-hour crisis hotline in your area!


Don't do anything foolish. You are very depressed right now, and need to seek help for yourself and take care of yourself.




Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE

[Bossy Monkey]

6. Link to first thread

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=205500&mesg_id=205500


Ladyhawk,
Listen to anything positive anybody says to you, including on the WA thread you posted above. Ignore anything negative anybody says, including the god-damned Accuser inside your head. I said it already: you beat him once, you'll beat him again. You have the strength, and we'll help in any way we can.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

3. I want to help.

You have to help me. How can I taalk to you directly?

One more thing: I know how I can get some assistance to you quickly, but you have to work with me and let me help you. Yes, right now that seems hard, but lets work together on this. I would be very happy to do everything I can to help.

I sincerely want to help. Please let me.

[Ladyhawk]

4. Contacts

AIM: LadyhawkRocks
ICQ: 2303996
MSN: Ladyhawk_LH
Yahoo: Ladyhawk_LH

Please someone help me.

[blondeatlast]

5. First of all, understand that no one at DU will judge you; we honestly

want to help you, as did many others on the board you linked to. There's a whole hell of a lot more love for you here AND on the other board than you think, but I know that in a depressed state it seems easier to focus on the negative.

We care, we really do. I'm going to try to set up an AOL instant messager account to reach you. We love you girl, and we need your wonderful words (for which you have an astonishing gift, btw) her.

Laurel--I hope I can talk to you shortly.

[Iverson]

7. Heya, Ladyhawk.

You're OK in my book. Your problems are also way beyond me, so I really, really, really hope that you'll take up offers of help from people who know what to do. I am sending you good vibes and best wishes.

[blondeatlast]

8. Pleasse keep kicking this thread if you see it.

Several people are on it already, but please kick a LOT.

[amazona]

9. i'm very concerned

I don't have any messenger program installed and not sure how I'd install it, so I'll just leave a message here to wish you the best and to urge you to think about seeing another doctor if it is possible. It might be better to see even the bad, blaming doctor than to see no one in an emergency situation.

There will always be people to throw around blame. There are people who blame you for the color of your skin and or the way your butt moves when you walk down the street, much less the words you write on a message forum. If someone blames you for being ill -- even if that someone is a doctor -- I know no medicine except to ignore their opinion and to take what is good from the situation while sweeping the bad under the rug.

I wish I had some words of wisdom but I'm very much out of my depth here. I'll just add this note to keep your message kicked, in hopes that someone more knowledgeable will see it.

[sasquatch]

10. What's wrong? PM ok

[bicentennial_baby]

11. Kick

:kick:

[scarlet_owl]

12. Kick

with a hug :pals:

:kick:

[BigMcLargehuge]

13. LadyHawk, I am AOLIMing you right now

My username is AtholMorrison. Please accept my incoming message.

[LightTheMatch]

14. Kick

[Mikimouse]

15. A Kick and a message

LH, please look at the PM I sent you yesterday

[sexybomber]

17. kick

[Ladyhawk]

16. Thanks. Some people were supportive, but many turned on me.

It just hurts so badly.

[blondeatlast]

18. Good to hear from you. Stay here a while, we can

help you through this. I was the one on Messenger, I'll stay here for a while.

I know how scary it can be, I've been there. Stay here with your "support group," we'll take care of you.

[Darranar]

19. Kick

[Bossy Monkey]

20. Hope you're feeling at least a tiny bit better (n/t)

[Skinner]

21. Ladyhawk -- Please read this.

We are very worried about you. I want you to know that you are going to get through this. But you can't do it alone. You need to call a crisis hotline right now. They have people who are trained to help you. Here is the number:

1-800-784-2433

Please do this right now. They can help you. Please, we are very concerned for your safety!

Skinner
DU Admin

[Bossy Monkey]

22. Can some of the IMers let us know if they've made contact?

(Or Ladyhawk, of course) We can start a chatroom if that would help in any way.

[Cheswick2.0]

23. Ladyhawk please hold on....this pain won't last

Honestly, I have been through hell and I thought I would never recover from it. I spent several years praying, more nights than I care to remember, that I wouldn't wake in the morning. My life still is not what I want it to be, but it is getting better. Yours will too.

Please know that anyone who would be mean to you is in their own sickness and pain. They lash out at you, but it is not your fault and is no reflection on your worthiness as a human being.

That web site you were using doesn't seem like a very healthy place for you to be. I am glad you left there, at least for now. I think you made a good choice. Congratulations on knowing what was best for you.

Remember that online strangers are online strangers. Some of them make up false identities and create drama for the fun of it. Others are in the middle of their own pain and don't have the knowledge or energy to support you emotionally. Others are sincere and care what happens to you.

The third kind is what you will find here for the most part. We care about you, so please let us know how you are doing.

[TXlib]

24. Any luck IMing her?

I've just tried, but she is apparently away from her computer.

If anybody succeeds in contacting her, please reply here to let us know she is OK.

[Mikimouse]

28. Kick

n/t

[ikojo]

25. Ladyhawk

I hope you have called the number provided by the admin...here it is again so you don't have to go through alot of posts....

1-800-784-2433

I am no professional but I do believe that people on THIS forum are supportive and we DO care about you.

I know it's hard to believe right now because the accuser in your head does not want you to believe it. The Accuser is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG...

You are a valued member of the DU community.

[InkAddict]

26. Kick it up - the heck with a notch

:kick:

[Cheswick2.0]

27. kick

.

[Ladyhawk]

29. It's 6: a.m. and I can't sleep

Talking to people about anything helped last night, so if you're up and up to it, I'm on AIM, ICQ, Yahoo and MSN.

[Mikimouse]

30. LH, please look at your PM

n/t

[ikojo]

31. ladyhawk, I am glad that talking with fellow DUers

last night helped you. Please continue to talk.

I hope you have a wonderful Sunday!

Give love to Gaby and your snakes!

:hi:

[huckleberry]

32. Ladyhawk - please let us know how you're doing!

Are you feeling better today? Please let us know!

[Buns_of_Fire]

33. Kick

:kick:

[ikojo]

34. Anyone hear from Ladyhawk since

6AM today?


Hope you are doing well.

Please check in...

[MuseRider]

35. Kick again

I sent a PM yesterday and can't stop being worried. If anyone has heard from LH please let us know.

[supernova]

36. Ladyhawk, I hope your silence here

is only because you are off getting help in the real world. I hope you did call the crisis hotline last night.

I didn't read absolutely everything, but I did read enough to know you are severely depressed. I cannot stress enough that you need professional help to deal with it.

[ikojo]

37. Kickin it to the top again....

Ladyhawk...we miss you in DU land!!!!


:bounce:


:kick: