Am I wrong to feel this way?

[CornField]

I have a niece who recently turned 18. She also recently became a single mom to a little girl. It's an odd situation because my fanatical relatives are proud of her because she didn't abort or give the child up for adoption. They're always saying "she really owned up to her responsibilities." Well, the girl has no job and no income (other than welfare, I suppose).

Besides that, she said something to me back in September. I asked her older brother if he had a girlfriend and she answered for him, "Of course not! Girls are nothing but evil and trouble!"

I have no doubt my mouth fell open. I couldn't believe a woman would think something so horrible about other women. Mostly, it really bugged me that she was saying not only that she was evil, but that the girl child she carried was also evil.

The whole mess just seems so upsidedown and screwed up. I couldn't even bring myself to send a card or gift after the baby was born. (I did give her a few things when I was visiting there a few weeks ago -- before the baby arrived.) Mostly I'm resisting the urge to go steal this baby girl so she also doesn't have to grow up to think that women are nothing but trouble. *sigh*

[salin]

1. how very sad

if you have the chance, spend as much time with the newest generation girl as you can... sounds like she might need some moderating influences...

[jdots]

2. Now she has something of her own

sick ,the poor kid It is going to be nothing but a struggle.

[bettyellen]

3. no that's severely messed up. strangely this is the same mindset

that has the conservative muslim throwing sheets over the women. men can't be expected to control themselves. a woman is evil if she tempts them by being seen. ugh. i would want to kidnap her too. do what you can to be a balancing influence and support her during her teenage rebellion!

[rbnyc]

4. I hear you.

My sister-in-law just had a girl. She was unplanned and unwanted. My sister-in-law hated being pregnant, and clearly resents the girl. Moreover, from many things she's said, I can tell she's disappointed to have had a girl. She feels powerless, so she thinks women are powerless.

I disagree with all my sister-in-law's decisions so far about how to take care of her baby. And, it's probably clear, I don't really like my sister-in-law. Nonetheless, her daughter is my niece, and needs to be nurtured and to have good role-models, and some sense of stability.

It's a difficult situation to be in. It's not really my place to tell my sister-in-law how to be a mom. I know I don't appreciate anyone telling me how to raise my son. So all I can do is try to set a good example, and love my niece.

That's probably all you can do to. Be around. Love the baby. Try to model good behavior and values.

Good luck.

EDIT: typo

[salin]

5. great advice... and

big HUGS rbnyc!!!!!! absolutely great to run into you!!!!!!!!!

[rbnyc]

6. (((salin)))

Salin!!!! You too!

Seen my baby?

[salin]

7. WOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWeeeeeeeeeeee!

*sniff, sniff* beautiful!

I am so sorry that I missed the blessed event (well not in real time, that is for family... but in relative DU time...) I am so happy for you both. What a wonderful turn in events - after all that you went through... I trust that you have healed rather well? Or I would imagine that caring for this one would be even more of an ordeal than is the usual mixed blessing (i.e., love, energry and drain of energy all in one...) :loveya:

[rbnyc]

8. I'm pretty well healed.

I still have some pain, and I have to hold on and go slowly up and down stairs. But mostly I'm healthy and able!

Thanks!

[salin]

9. Glad to hear that... btw, you both look grand!

Your luckie hubbie... hope your Mom is well, as well. I remember her deep spirit when she posted updates and communication during the aftermath of the accident.

I love that picture! Thanks for sharing it. :D

[EC]

10. Wow

sounds like that was what her parents told her. Is it your sister or bother's daughter? How could a parent say something like that to they're own child? So she grew up believing that, and now her daughter will grow up hearing it and believing it.