Should I have let a shirtless man come to my aid?

[prolesunited]

Now that I have your attention, it's a little more innocent than it sounds. I was cycling today on the paved bike path near my house. I was stopped because my chain had fallen off my bike.

As I was assessing the situation, a really cute, buff guy — sans shirt — came blading up behind me an offered a hand. I just shook my head, said that I was fine and could handle it and proceeded to fix it.

As I continued down the path, I began questioning my response.
So the question of the day is:
Even if I can do something myself, should I let a man help if he offers?

I'm just interested in the response because this situation emblematic of a larger issue that I am wrestling with. Women and men feel free to chime in.

BTW, I'm a single woman. That tidbit might help.

[Must_B_Free]

1. Other #1

no, he may have swat on you.

[SoCalDem]

2. Who knows?? You might have passed up a new friend..

If it's daylight, and you are in a public place, and he's not creepy looking, why not let him help :):shrug:

[prolesunited]

21. I think next time

I will take a different course of action, but I was thinking about this lately. It is a consistent pattern. Any time a guy offers help, I feel this overpowering need to go out of my way to prove that I don't need them or that I have to best them.

I did a cycling event in Chicago last Sunday and I found a group of really fast guys to pace myself with. When I proved I could keep up with them, conversation ensued and they noted they were impressed with my abilities. We all chatted for quite a distance, but at some point I felt compelled to pull away and finish the course before them. I'm already tossing gear in my car, when they ride by me on their way to the finish line. I ended up hooking up with them later for lunch, but the question is why did I have to beat them instead of continuing to enjoy the conversation?

So, analyze away. What is wrong with me?

[Iris]

3. I can't believe I voted for

"men like to feel needed . . ." but I did.

If the chance meeting turned into a relationship of some sort, you could have "wowed" him withe zillions of other things I'm sure you are capable of doing!

[Girlfriday]

4. My question is....

...why pretend, if you were interested, why didn't you just flirt a little? :)

[Dookus]

5. exactly!

But I voted for more ogling.

Cute shirtless men are MEANT for us to enjoy.

[Iris]

6. no shit.

My husband and i went through a "dry spell" a few months ago because we were both working really long hours.

It seemed like very man I saw on the street was shirtless!

[prolesunited]

7. Hear ya there, sister!

Why else would they have their shirts off? ;-)

I'm training for another century ride Oct. 5, so I'm riding about five days a week. One of the things that's helping to make it bearable is the scenery. No better place to watch cute, in shape men, with or without their shirts on. :D

[SOteric]

8. Offers of help aren't always about the offer of help.

Sometimes they're just a polite, social acceptable way to get to know someone.

You can always keep working and say something competent like: "I think I've got this, - does it look right to you?" Which starts a conversation without either sending him packing or feigning helplessness.

[Ohio Dem]

9. I said other. Here's why:

I didn't see "Let the man help, but maintain that you could do it alone" on the list.

You don't have to be helpless to accept assistance from others. Even a guy you think is cute. Hell, what if that was me trying to help you? Big mistake turning THAT down. LOL

[prolesunited]

14. Bang!

I think you hit the nail on the head. I didn't even consider that as a choice. Maybe that's my whole problem, so busy being self sufficient that I shut people down.

So, how do you look shirtless? Do you know how to put a chain back on a bike? ;-)

[nostamj]

10. 'other'

if there was an opportunity for 'political' dialog

(with a BUFF man)

i wouldn't pass that up! ;-)

[davidinalameda]

11. no problem with saying no

and he was now in front of you so you could look to see if his ass was a nice as the rest

a nice booty is always good

[prolesunited]

15. Actually it was

Perhaps that's why I was kicking myself as he rolled away. :-(

[Rhiannon12866]

12. I would take any offer of help whether the guy was shirtless or not

Even if you could manage on your own, why deprive someone from doing you a kindness? He may have been much more efficient at this, who knows?:shrug:

Years ago, I worked summers at an amusement park. I ran rides and, on ones that went up into the air, occasionally someone would lose their lunch. That meant I had to close down the ride, get a bucket, climb a hill to fill it with water, and perform the most disgusting duty of cleaning it up. I am an ardent feminist, but I confess to struggling a little more than was necessary with the bucket since I knew that any one of the guys there would invariably offer to help me carry it and would probably continue on and deal with the mess for me. I'm not ashamed of having done this. They felt good about helping and I avoided a duty that would have surely made me feel sick for the rest of the day. Was I wrong? I don't feel I was, nor would you have been in accepting help.:shrug:

I also agree that you might have possibly met someone you would have liked. He wouldn't have offered if he didn't feel the same way.:-)

[Iris]

13. note to self

try to remember to teach any sons I give birth to that he doesn't have to be a complete pushover if it involves other people's bodily fluids.

[Rhiannon12866]

20. These guys were not pushovers

They enjoyed being helpful. Haven't you ever felt that way? I am neither big nor strong and it was really difficult for me to drag that bucket. I really did appreciate the help, though I do wonder if I would have accepted it as readily now as I did in my youth.:shrug:

[prolesunited]

16. If it was cleaning up puke

he definitely could have done it. I would NOT have hesitated. LOL!

I guess I just have trouble graciously accepting help. It's like an admission I am weak.

[Iris]

17. this is so off-topic, but

when my little sister was born, I woke up in the middle of the night and threw up all over the kitchen floor. My mom was still in the hospital so i had to go wake up my dad. I didn't thin he would know how to clean up throw-up because I had never seen him do it before!

[prolesunited]

18. I bet you didn't

think he knew how to change diapers either. ;-)
I know my parents were very traditional like that: men's chores, women's duties.

Maybe that explains some of my pathologies. I don't want to relegated to "women's work" like my mom. :shrug:

[Iris]

19. hmmmm

maybe we're on to something now!

But I know how you feel about having certain duties relegated to you simply because of your sex.

[toddzilla]

22. being single

is all about meeting people, no matter how it is done. with my line of work i meet virtually nobody, and since i despise bars, it makes things even more difficult.

don't pass it up again..


If only.. :shrug:

[prolesunited]

29. I don't go to bars either

Next time, I think I'll respond differently. Who knows.

[Rabrrrrrr]

23. I say - allow people the opportunity to serve

Being human, we are called to serve on another and connect in relationship. So, even if you could manage it, might have been cool to let him help in some way - I like one of the other posts of saying "I have it - but does it look right?"

People like to help, and it makes people feel happy and needed when they can help.

But we definitely push independance in this culture, so it can be difficult to accept help. Not just in your situation, but sadly, even for the very ill or elderly, asking for help or accepting help is seen as being "weak" or no longer "sufficiently" productive to society.

[KTM]

24. Other

Maybe he was just being helpful - a rarity these days. Maybe he had no interest in you, just offering to help. I get asked all the time to help get things from the top shelf for people.. it makes me feel good to be helpful.

I liked the response above - the one where you basically say "No, I think I've got it - does it look right to you ?" Very nice way of retaining your independence and still being open to friendlies.

I met tons of people like that.. sometimes it went one way and we got frisky, sometimes we became friends, sometimes we never spoke again, but walked away feling a little warm and fuzzy. Anyway you slice it, it's all good - I think you missed a chance.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

25. well if he was hot

I probably would have feigned being helpless for a bit. :D

There's nothing wrong with getting help every once in awhile, I think sometimes everyone needs it.

[Kamika]

26. HELL YEAH!!

Wtf a buff shirtless guy want to help and you turn him down?? omg.

I need to fix my bike so my chain drops id LOVE to have a cute shirtless buff guy to help me :D

Guys LOOOOOVE to help us and why the hell not they are so cute :D Just pretend like you dont know first thing about bikes next time

oh edit i voted for men needs to feel.. because its damn true and theres a hell of a lot bigger chance to get a masculine guy if you act abit helpless. Guys can get intimidated othervise

[booksenkatz]

27. Why not have your cake 'n eat it too?

No need to lie or pretend anything, just say, "Why don't you stay here and watch, keep me company?" I've never understood the games.
:shrug:

Happily Married to a Fine Guy for 18 Non-Game-Playing Years,

[Kamika]

28. oh cmon

flirting is half the fun

[booksenkatz]

31. In my single days

even my flirting wasn't a pretense... I didn't flirt with a guy unless I meant bidness, LOL! Why waste my time?:-)

[Kenneth ken]

30. depends

in this particular case, you should have let him.

Bike chains are greasy, so it's always better to let someone else get their hands all gunked up.

In less messy situations, you have to base your decision on
a) what the guy's sex appeal is
and
b) how well you flirt

if he is sexy, and you flirt well, let him help.
if he is sexy and you flirt badly, let him help - you can practice your flirting technique
if he is not sexy, do not let him help.

[NashVegas]

32. Heehee

I agree.

Besides, "help" doesn't have to mean he's going to do everything *for* you.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

33. I would much prefer a shirtless woman to come to my aid

but that's just me!

[Iris]

34. too much mayhem would ensue!

[Piperay]

35. I probably would have done the same

but kicked myself in the butt for not using that as a chance to get to know him or at least have oogled that buff bod a bit longer. :evilgrin: :spank:

[prolesunited]

36. Well, an overwhelming majority

says I should have let him help and ogled. There's always next time. :shrug:

I guess the message in all this is that I should let cute guys help me, with or without their shirts. :evilgrin:

[Rhiannon12866]

37. Yes, you should. You never know who you might meet.

Just make sure you are in public and there are witnesses, if you are worried.:-)