This just in: NEW VIRUS WARNING

[CO Liberal]

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of “Badtimes,” delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous E-mail virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.

It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles.

It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number.

It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there’s company coming over.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile.

It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.

It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

[DS1]

1. I heard it impregnates your cat with dog semen

whether your cat is female or not :scared:

[Az_lefty]

2. I'm sending this to my mom-in-law

she's always sending me these "new virus" emails.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

3. I got this warning several few years ago

and immediately forwarded it to all in my address book.

Would you believe someone answered back that the warning was ridiculous, because viruses can never do those things, and that I should check with Snopes before forwarding things like this?

Poor humor-impaired guy!

[McKenzie]

4. "nightmares about circus midgets"? where can I get this virus?

are the nightmares particularly vivid and do I...uh oh...ooops, wrong forum! ahem...how do I delete this post?

[American Tragedy]

5. I think I've already been infected by this one before

I dated something very similar to it for about six months.

Fortunately, repeated infections have made me nearly immune to social parasites. Nothing scares me now.