If Your Pets Could Talk... What Would They Say?

[arwalden]

Our Shihtzu, Mitzi, would be saying:

Pick me up.
Put me down.
No... pick me up.
Where you going?
Let's play.
Throw it!
What are you eating?
I want some too.
There's a deer in the yard! GET OUT!
WARNING! I see the mailman!!

[terrya]

1. "FANCY FEAST, you cheap bastard? I want Sheba, dammit!!"

Chess, the kitty, is VERY finicky. But she likes FF.

[Cuban_Liberal]

2. Ours would say...

Is that as good as it smells?
Throw the ball!
I won't tell, but you really love me best, don't you?
Dad, there's a GIANT squirrel in the yard---really!
Can I lick the plate when you're done?
Please, rub my tummy.

[SaintAnne]

3. She would say

I'm the princess
love me
pet me
food?!?!?!
TUNA!!!!
die paper die
where are you going?
Oh, look a bug!
Oh, look dust!
oops, I fell in the water again
love me
love me
LOVE ME

[Skittles]

4. Clancy would complain about his litter box

probably would demand it be cleaned every day instead of every other day. I try but sometimes some days lapse. So sue me.

[LisaM]

5. Gordie would say

Love me, love me, love me.
Is that the Milk Bone box?
Can we go for a jog? Can we go for a jog?
Can I ride in the car?
WHEN IS THE HOCKEY SEASON GOING TO START?

[Solly Mack]

6. "Why did you pick the 3rd floor (4th in America) apartment?"

"I have to go down 8 flights of stairs just to take a leak"

"Why is my water dish in the bathroom?" (we lack space, ok?) "Yet you scold me for drinking out of the toilet bowl?" (his food dish is in the kitchen, just fyi)

"What is this 'de-cod' you keep threatening me with?"

"What?What? It looked like a chew toy to me"

[maveric]

7. Dont put those stupid fuckin reindeer antlers on me during Xmas season!

"Rawhide chews are for chumps. Gimme a ham bone or somethin!"

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

8. 6 cats, one dog

the cats would say: Feed me. Now. Fresh tuna, flaked and placed in our bowls. Or turkey, with a basting of broth.

The dog would say: Pleeese let me eat the cats! Pleeeeese let me eat the cats!

[LiberalEsto]

9. More yogurt!

And while you're at it, plant some more wheat seeds in the catgrass pot.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

10. You want the ball? You get it.

[KyndCulture]

11. My Calico would be saying....

Is that a republican that came in? Can I eat it? Hiss hiss spit
Is that the pounce? Whatya mean I get 2... bites ankle.
I will nest in your hair and purr in your ear I don't care what movie you are watching.
Must that MAN live with us? He smells.

:)

[candy]

12. "Where's the beef?" Translation:Not that shit dogfood again!!

[catbert836]

13. Stay home to pet me all day. n/t

[gristy]

14. My cat CAN talk

We chat about our day, what we want for dinner, what movie to watch. You know, regular stuff.

[n2mark]

15. What my pets would say

Get over the box on your desk - give me the attention

Why do you always sit at your desk with this box of letters?

Give it up! Come to bed!

Okay, I got your side of the bed while you look at that screen,--- just dare to remove me! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................. Sleep on the floor fool, this is my spot now and I also have all the blankets.

There is that little corner of the bed, you may have that but for now let me streetch

[trof]

16. 6:00 a.m. - HeyTROF!

Come on.
Get up!
Time for my fix, man.
HEY!
HEY!
GET UP!!!
My shot, man.
Let's go-Let's go-Let's go.
Jeez. Come ON, man.
Ahhhhhhhhhh
Thanks, bud.
What's for breakfast?

[KittyWampus]

17. Open The Door I Want To Go Out

open the door I want to come in....

Food please... more water...

Purrrrrrrrrr....

I love you...

[Khephra]

18. It does talk and it says:

Pet me. Pet me. Pet me. Pet me. Pet me. Pet me.
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[bergamot]

19. Begone,

Squirrel of Mass Destruction!

[KyndCulture]

21. HAHAHA.... we also have the CMD

Chipmunks of mass destruction...

Why can't I eat it, mommy, why?

[Courtesy Flush]

20. Let me go outside n/t

[AFSCME girl]

22. My kitty girls would be saying.....

Mom! S'more is eating my food again!! Does SHE HAVE TO DO THAT! S'more would be saying: Momma, is it time to eat yet, huh, huh, huh?! When can I eat again, Momma?! :D

[judaspriestess]

23. there's three

Thor (English Bulldog)
I don't care, I do
what I want
I'm outta control
now smell my stinky pooty
and take me for a ride
mommy do I snore to loud?

Crystal Saphirre (Sheltie)
Mommie, look at me
hug me, I love you
mommy and daddy.
mommy, why do I love to lick
Thor's butt so much?

Kitty boy
I'm hungry
I'm thirsty
mommie, my tummy hurts
so I took a really
nasty smelly poo
on the carpet
love you....

[Modem Butterfly]

24. Our Shar-pei vs. our Chow

Shar-pei:

Ball. Ball! BALL!!!

Treat?

Gee your ass smells terrific!

Out! OOOOOUUUUUUUTTT!

A bird! OHMYGOD! Birdbirdbirdbirdbird! BIRD!

Chow:

Jesus Christ, just let him get the bird and fetch me some chicken jerky already. And make some room on the couch will ya?

Cat:

Touch me and DIE.

[hlthe2b]

25. "heh, heh, I've really got my MOM wrapped around my little paw, heh heh"

She's defenseless against my charm!

[sakabatou]

26. Hmmm

Hank, our pitbull, yellow lab mix would say:

I want food.
Let me out.
I want mommy.
Throw it already!
I want what you're eating.
Let's go on a walk!
WALKIES!
Get out of my yard.
Mmm... toilet water.
Blub blub blub.

[medeak]

27. hi! hi! hi! hi! hello! hello! n/t

[mondo joe]

28. "The Garbage Truck is a Monster - Listen! It's coming!!!"

"We must hide."

[arwalden]

37. The Reverse-Gear "Beeeeep-beeeeep-beeeep" Drives Our Dog Crazy...

She even howls at it whenever she hears it as background noise on TV news spots.

[u4ic]

29. Cockatiel

I'm cute!
Ooooooooooh...Ichiban/mashed potatoes/rice!
HEY!
I'm cute!!!
peek a boo
I'm cute!!
what about me??!?
I'm cute!!
grrr...I'm scary (he used to play with plastic dinosaurs and throw them around)
I'm cute!!
I don't wanna go nite nite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ekirh]

30. hmmm..

If bear could speak....

I wanna sleep here...

no over here...

no over there...

oh spaghetti...

oh meat...

oh... hehehe.. kitty.. ohhh the door is closed.. no cat today :( :(

[arwalden]

31. Another Bath??? Why? I Smell Fine... Just Right!!

It took me two whole weeks to get like this!

[pookieblue]

32. If my cats could speak, I think I would be in trouble.

Pookie:
"Feed me. Not that dry crap.. I want what you are eating. Screw what the vet said about my weight I want CHICKEN!!!"

Spot
"Look at me, I'm sooo cute. Play with me, play with me now. Hey Pookie, Mom's feeding me CHICKEN. Nannie nannie boo boo."

Pookie
"Shut up you fluffy little runt." And as he snatches the chicken from Spot.

[jellybelly]

33. kitties!

what they think:
1. wow, he cleans up my crap.
2 I hope he doesn't think I'll clean up his.
3.Yuck, human contact. Must lick self non-stop.

[sbj405]

34. Right now, Keaton is saying

Thanks for dinner, Mom. I'll help myself to this roll of toilet paper for dessert.

[Arkana]

35. We have two dogs...

Our Welsh Springer Spaniel would be like an escaped mental patient. He's constantly on edge. "Sounds! Sounds! I hear sounds! Kill! Rip! Tear! EYAAAHHHHH!!!"

Our Labrador Retriever just kinda stares at him. "What the fuck is the matter with you, you goddamn maniac?"

[allalone]

36. my dog would say exactly the things you list plus

OMG there's a noise outside, it's a burgler, I just know it.

[Hillaryin08]

38. My grossly obese cat would say

feed me now you lazy bastard, sleep can wait. i have rolls of fat to attend to. oh and yes i love you so be still so i can make bisquits on your lap. feed me again.

[Zomby Woof]

39. You're right Dad! My poop IS toxic!

Feed me.
Let me cling to you all night.
Attention! NOW!
Feed me, dammit!
Oops, I pooped again.

[chefgirl]

40. We have a goldfish named Snot

He's got a fairly small environment there, so I'm thinking he would be saying something like:

"Oh look, a castle! Oh look, a castle. Oh look, a castle"

-chef-