The Liberal stampede to north of the border....

[whistle]

...This is heart wrenching!


The flood of American liberals sneaking across the
border into Canada has intensified in the past week,
sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal
immigration. The re-election of President Bush is
prompting the exodus among left leaning citizens who
fear! they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree
with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see
dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists
and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there
was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,"
said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage
borders North Dakota.

The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
''He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-
range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left.
Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield
erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them.
So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh
across the fields.

"'Not real effective," he said. ''The liberals still got
through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't
give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who
meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into
Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and
leave them to fend for themselves.

''A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged
conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. '
'I found one carload without a drop of drinking water.
They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,
though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the
border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution
from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about
the Bush administration establishing re-education camps
in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer
and watch NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to
sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips
to buy cheap Canadian prescription! drugs.
After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in
powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen
passengers.

''If they can't identify the accordion player on The
Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age,"
an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that
the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli
shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
''I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said.
''How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States
and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian
ambassador and pledged that the administration would take
steps to reassure liberals, a source close
to Cheney said, ''We're going to have some Peter, Paul &
Mary concerts.

And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps.
The president is determined to reach out."

[ragin_acadian]

1. i know a lot of people think that message is offensive

but right now i'm drinking bourbon, and tomorrow i'm going to slaughter a hog so i can eat meat with no growth hormones and preservatives till spring.
maybe i'm an outlier, but i don't mind laughing at this kind of satire.

we need to find a sense of humor, otherwise we will end up being just as humorless as the regurgitations, whose only jokester is dennis miller: currently touring youth groups and barmitvahs in mississipi and north dakota.

[whistle]

4. Uhmmm, that hog sounds good, I'm afraid I would have great

...difficulty doing such a thing, but I would have no trouble after cutting it up into different parts. I posted the piece for exactly that reason, to help us to not take ourselves too seriously.

[ragin_acadian]

7. oh man, the best part about it is

making sausage. i will never eat jimmy dean again: it's just too fatty, and i have no clue what jimmy put in it.

if you ever have about two hundred dollars burning a hole in your pocket, buy a german made meat grinder, a sausage funnel, and some casings. fun for the whole family. there's nothing like 5 minutes ago fresh bratwurst, creole mustard, and sauerkraut.

[whistle]

8. I have the one my mother and father used when I was growing

...up. The meat grinder is about 75 years old and is a hand crank type, cast iron with a silver plating of some type over it. The sausage funnel is about 24" in length and has a upper compartment that is around 4" in diameter. It has a solid wooden plunger that was turned on a lath. The funnel end was where my dad would slip the sausage casing over (they actually used natural casing). My parents were Croatian and they made a sausage that was a mixture of ground fresh pork, rice and spices. This mixture would be squeezed from the sausage maker into the natural casing (cleaned pig's intestines) and allowed to form a ring coil that was 12' to 15'. This would be placed in large roasting pans and slow cooked in the oven until dark brown and crispy. Then we would sit down for a large dinner of this as the main course along with cooked vegetables, steamed cabbage, fresh baked bread for dipping and apple strudel for dessert. My parents loved to smoke the pork bellies (that made thick sweet bacon), the pork loins for pea meal bacon and of course the hams. We also ate a lot of lamb which they would sometimes roast on a spit over an open pit of hot wood coals. You brought sweet memories back to me ragin_acadian. Thank you for that inspiration. Are you a "Cajun" from Louisiana or are you from the Northeast Acadian country or actually Acadia is the eastern provinces of Canada, is it not?

[ragin_acadian]

9. oh man, thank you for sharing that, it is so unbelievably cool!!!!

do you still use the grinder? what kind of bread did your parents bake? wow...what i wouldn't give to live like that for a couple of weeks. i can just imagine the smell of fresh baked bread right now.....woohoo! did you live in a community that took part in butchery and farming, or was it just your family?

my father is an acadian from new brunswick - apparently that's where his family fell off the back of the wagon on the way to Louisiana - somewhere between debeque(spelling unsure) and woodstock. according to him, he walked uphill in the snow to and from school, and it was uphill both ways. anyway, Canadian by birth, southern by accident: i've been marooned in N.W. florida (AKA unknown corner of lower alabama) for 22 years now, and boy am i ready to go home.

i've been reading my mother's foxfire books left over from her hippie days, and trying to master canning, baking (i gave that up quick, you could decapitate someone with my french bread), and charcuterie. unfortunately, i haven't progressed to the point of getting rid of my electrical kitchen appliances.

do you still keep in contact with your Croatian family overseas, or are they mostly over here?

[nine23]

2. Why does this keep getting posted here?

"...a source close to Cheney said, 'We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts'".

Please google "opposite of funny". You'll probably find this. Even Rush has moved on...

[alank]

3. As Near To Borowitz As You Can Get On Earth

The article is very entertaining, and reminiscent of the Winner of the First-ever National Press Club Award for Humor!

Please post more of these!

[Misunderestimator]

5. LOL... You think?

:eyes: please no.... no more...

[LDS Jock]

6. somewhat amusing but

this has been posted before... many, many times before

[Piperay]

10. THANKS

I hadn't seen it before and enjoyed the read. :-)

[anitar1]

11. Liberal Stampede to North of the Border

I enjyed it--reminded me of my childhood. Making sausage ect and hanging it in the smokehouse.