Funniest Dear Abby letter ever

[jmowreader]

The letter is paraphrased, but it ran in today's newspaper. And no, I'm not making this shit up. My response, however, is not.

Dear Abby: My husband and I are attempting to enroll our child in an exclusive Christian day care center. Unfortunately, they are requesting that we list our occupations on the application, and we're both porn stars. If we lie and we're found out, they will kick our kid out of the center, so what do we do?

Dear Befuddled: You're a porn star, you're married to one, and you're attempting to enroll your kid in a Christian day care? Pardon me for a second while I pick my ass up off the floor. What part of "not only shalt thou not commit adultery, thou shalt definitely not let other people watch you doing it" didn't you get?

By the way, they're gonna find out what you do pretty damn quick. About two days after she enters the school, someone's going to play "who is your daddy and what does he do" and your kid's gonna answer "he makes movies Mommy says I can never watch, but they have names like 'Buggery on the High Seas' and "Miles of Poon Tang'. Mommy makes movies like that too."

Look, honey, there are a lot of real nice day care centers in Los Angeles that don't give a shit what you do for a living so long as it pays well enough to keep your account current. Enroll your child in one of those instead.

[Catherine Vincent]

1. Sounds like some jokster sent that letter just to see if it gets printed.

[WildClarySage]

2. Forget two days, as soon as the interviewing committee

takes one look at the child's parents and recognizes them from the movies they keep hidden in the false bottom of a potted fichus, they'll know what they do for a living.

[TheDebbieDee]

3. Actually, I would've bet that the pair would've....

eventually been recognized and outed by some of the other hypocrite parents at this day care center.

WildClarySage beat me to the punch!

[WildClarySage]

4. WildClarySage beat me to the punch!

Gosh, if I had a nickel every time I hear that...



I could buy a cuppa. :)

[NV Whino]

5. Love it!

Thanks for the chuckle.

[Mr. Blonde]

6. For the record

"What part of "not only shalt thou not commit adultery, thou shalt definitely not let other people watch you doing it" didn't you get?"

Some porn stars can have it in their contract to only work with a specific person. And the 10 Commandments don't say shit about letting people watch. It is the watchers fault at that point.

[Nevernose]

7. This really happened

The woman sued the day care for kicking her kid out. She was on 60 Minutes or Dr. Phil or something.

Sorry I can't be more specific ... lack of brain cells.

[China_cat]

9. Wasn't that a different case?

A stripper who sued a day care for kicking the kid out?

[LeftyMom]

10. That was a stripper

her daughter went to Calvary Christian is Sacramento. Typical huge fundie megachurch.

We have lots of non-fundie private schools in Sacramento, I can't imagine why the lady wanted to send her daughter there in the first place. :shrug:

Her daughter was in kindergarten. I think they eventualy agreed to let her finish the year (there were only a few weeks left) and then go to 1st grade elsewhere.

[davsand]

8. I've always wondered if real people write those letters.

Dear Abby or ANY of those advice columns have always left me wondering if any REAL human would write a letter like that.

My personal favorite "Dear Abby" of all time was from the lady who wrote in claiming her husband wanted her to take a cold bath before she came to bed--then lay perfectly still while he made love to her.

Dear Abby had a heck of a time answering THAT one without freaking a bunch of people out...


Laura