Dear God NO!

[the Princess]

My Freeper parents just informed me that they are having a 50th Wedding Anniversary party for about 100 people ALL pretty much freepers - in April.

Not only that - BUT - my trashy sister and her third husband (good old southern boy freeper) are coming up for the party from Florida.

Now not only was I informed that we (CO Liberal and I) MUST attend - but I have to be NICE to my sister. I can't even remember how many years it's been since we last spoke.

Now see I'm thinking MAYBE we'll go but all bets are off as far as being nice to my trashy sister.

I know I know - it's *their* day and I should make nice nice.

It's not till April - but already I have a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if they want me to get up and give a toast? do I say something like this:

"Mommy and Daddy - thank you for teaching me that bigotry is OK and so is small mindedness - that being ignorant rules and hitting you kids is not abuse unless you draw blood. Thanks for all the beatings that scarred me for life emotionally and physically and Mom thank you especially for making me think men were evil and sex was bad. Thanks for the nghtmares that I wake me up from screaming from time to time and thanks for the baggage that my loving husband was left to help me clean up. Thanks for the memories folks and here's to you"

How do you think that would go over???????????

shit.

[demnan]

1. Don't go

get sick at the last minute and send flowers or something. Sounds like you don't owe them anything.

[RandomKoolzip]

2. Sounds sincere to me. I say "go with it."

[Cats Against Frist]

57. I second that n/t

[greyfox]

3. Just say NOPE

..and stand by it.

[Feathered Fish]

4. You should find something else to do

It seems to me that your feelings about your family are still raw and upsetting. Double book yourself and let your Ma and Pa know.

on edit: where have you been hiding - haven't seen you around lately.

[andyhappy]

5. sounds rad!

I grew up in texas and I was beat with a belt. Never seemed that awful, but now its Kinda crazy looking back on that!

not sure what to say...I rarely go back to see people and when I do it always conjers up all sorts of odd memories...like your email jsut did!

thanks!

hang in there! Try and score some valium perhaps?

[Darth_Kitten]

6. Why do you "have" to go?

Nobody says who I should have to be nice to. :(

Nobody tells me what I should do with my time. :(

Say you aren't going, you don't need to have to put up with things that make you uncomfortable. :(

[the Princess]

20. You are right.

And I now that - but to be honest - they're gonna die soon and I think I am entitled to some of the inheritance for retribution.

:)

[YellowRubberDuckie]

43. Going is not going to help you at all.

I would recommend getting sick at the last minute. Or saying you fell and that you can't get up. And as for the inheritance, that isn't going to change what happened to you as a child. Cut your losses and cut ties with that family. They aren't going to do anything but suck the life out of you.
Duckie

[bunkerbuster1]

7. Far be it from me to tell you how to give that toast, but

my .02 USD:

I'd thank these people for giving me the gift of life, so that I could go out in the world and learn that human beings are capable of extraordinary things.

Then I'd recite every liberal/progressive accomplishment I could fit in the next two or three minutes. Include stuff about gay and reproductive rights. Really make 'em squirm.

Keep it positive but in their face. Then nobody could say you were being mean spirited.

YMMV.

[the Princess]

14. Thank you !

That's a GREAT idea!

[Mistra_Know_It_All]

8. How is your sister "trashy"? You seem to have a lot of pent up

rage.

I suggest you drink lots of bourbon first

[the Princess]

12. I'n thinking Tequila

Of the reasons and examples of my sisters trashiness are too many to post.

Let's just say this. If you look up the word White Trash in the dictionary - you will find her picture.

[Mistra_Know_It_All]

15. Do you actively hate eachother?

[the Princess]

25. Only when Mommy Dearest brings her up to me

Other than that I never give her a thought. Except that not only did I get beatings from mom and dad but my sister used to beat the shit out of me too.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh the good old days.

[Darth_Kitten]

26. Don't go!!!

You don't deserve anymore abuse in any way/shape/form. :hug:

I'd let Mom/Dad/Sister know full well that they don't DESERVE a day set aside to honour them. :( But that's just me. :(

[the Princess]

33. Thank you

Thing is even after all these years - and after all the therapy and all the crap I have gotten over. I still revert to the good little girl and my sister can still manipulate me and I HATE IT!!

They are toxic people and you are right I don't need to be around them.

[Mistra_Know_It_All]

28. Abuse - it's what's for dinner

:)

[andyhappy]

31. LOL

[the Princess]

34. Yes it is

At least in my family.

[TlalocW]

9. Uh, you're over 18 I'm guessing...

So you must do nothing that mommy and daddy says if you don't want to.

TlalocW

[Inland]

10. Certainly if you really can't be nice, don't go

I think that's pretty much the rule for any event you are invited to.

[w4rma]

11. Go.

You won't convince that anyone your beliefs are correct if you don't explain those beliefs to them.

bunkerbuster1 has some pretty good advice, above.

Imho.

[saracat]

13. I wouldn't go. Why would you go? Do you need to please your parents that

badly?I would disown them as well as your sister but that is JMHO. I have disowned the last of my family over this election and I feel liberated. And I have no other family.It bothered me a bit at first, but I am over it. They are evil and I don't need toxicity in my life. Maybe you need disassociate with these people.Just a thought.

[the Princess]

16. I have done that

But I was informed "I MUST attend" *I hate it when they summon me*

[saracat]

24. Why "MUST" you attend?

I don't get that. If you don't want to go, what power do they have to make you go? It is not as if they can arrest you!

[the Princess]

32. You are absolutely right

And like I said I was *JUST* summoned. I have till April to decided how I am gonna *NOT GO*.

[saracat]

42. Ahh! So! (nodding!)

You go girl. I wouldn't let them "summon" me anywhere. Who do they think they are , the royal family? Tell them you aren't Princess Anne and this isn't the Royal Jubilee ! Or is it? I see your name is "Princess" ? LOL!
;-)

[The empressof all]

17. Living Well is the Best Revenge

Just go and take the High Road here. It's a day out of your life-you can give it up for your parents. I actually find that my freeper relatives get more annoyed when I do show up. My life is a heck of alot better than theirs--and this is one of those rare occasions where I don't hold back rubbing it in. (In a nice way of course)

Just be happy....It will piss them off.

[mcscajun]

18. Only if you feel you Absolutely HAVE to go...

...and you would seem to have plenty of good reason NOT to...

Here's an all-purpose toast that commits you to nothing...and only those who 'get it' could possibly understand. :)

Hold up your glass as you stand before the assemblage, and speak the following:

"Fifty years...wow. So many friends and relations have come here to share your special day. No one here can possibly grasp, nor can any words express how much of an impact you both have had on my life. Mom, Dad...here's to you."

Knock back your drink in one gulp and sit down.

Oh...and leave early. :)

[the Princess]

22. OH MY GOD!!

I LOVE THAT TOAST!!!!!!!!

LMAO

I think CO Liberal might pee his pants if I did that - so it might be worth it.

Thanks

[CO Liberal]

35. Remind Me to Wear Depends That Day....

:-)

[Corgigal]

19. Sounds like a good time

to schedule elective surgery of some kind. Just look through some brochure and pick one.

[andyhappy]

21. where is it?

florida?

the south?

[the Princess]

23. Oh no it's here in the town we live in

Not only did we move half way acros the country to try to get away from them - but after Dear Old Dad retired they moved here to the same fucking town!!!!!!

[andyhappy]

29. is that colorado?

man...I can relate. My family is in texas.

its so bizarre to have all these people you grew up with and know and love and even respect but then you start talking politics or about race or sexual orientation and you just can't belive the stuff that starts coming out of their mouths.

ahhhh family...merry fucking christmas...

[RUDUing2]

27. you know you can word that so that they don't realize what you mean...

and will think that you are praising them..but you will know what you really mean...

Mommy and Daddy...thank you for showing me what values are important and how I should treat people (think silently : the opposite of your values and treatment of people). Thank you for giving me an example of how to raise my children (think silently: the opposite of how you raised me). Thank you for all the memories, they really shaped who I became. Here's to you."

[calico1]

30. You are an adult, right?

If they say you "must" attend and you do against your better judgement then you are just letting them control you. Why? Don't go! Life is too short. You can find another time to spend with them that will be less "freeperish." Don't let them command you to do anything. Parents or not they have no right to run your life.

[Swamp Rat]

36. Why not out-freeper them?

Be creative. Have fun. Make CO Liberal piss his pants from laughter.

You can surprise everyone with how much of a winger you've become. Maybe your parents will give you a larger portion of the inheritance than your sister if you show her to be a weak 'liberul' by comparison. Don't get mad. Get even!:D

[CO Liberal]

38. The Princess's Sister Was Born With Dollar Signs In Her Eyes

Her whole life seems to revolve around how much she can get out of people, such as her folks.

She's gonna shit a brick the day she learns that her parents have asked ME to be the executor of their will, rather than her - their first-born....

:-)

[Swamp Rat]

40. Waahooo fo' da Princess!

If she pulls an Ann Coulter on 'em that'll seal the deal.

Please take photos and give us the highlights. :)

[jobycom]

37. Hate to say this, and hope it comes across as positive and not negative

But you are afraid of people who no longer have any power over you whatsoever. Go or don't go, be nice or be honest, dress up or wear your best anti-Bush teeshirts, whatever.

But do it because it's your decision, not theirs. When you can see them as just another older couple you used to know when you were younger, and can judge them from the outside of your life rather than from inside your head, then maybe the nightmares will stop, and events like this will just be another annoying event spent with boorish people who need you a hell of a lot more than you need them.

Unless they have a big trust fund for you dependent on your presence, then go, be nice, and draw mustaches on their pictures at home. :-)

Good luck.

[MemphisTiger]

39. I know it's lame, but fake sick

A good stomach flu should probably do the trick. They won't expect a doctors visit with any medical jargon. Just tell them you wouldn't have been good company and you're sorry that you missed. Maybe the next 50th (ha ha)

[TlalocW]

41. If you do decide to go here are my suggestions

1. Go late, leave early, or take a long bathroom break then go out to the parking lot of whatever facility you're using and put liberal bumper stickers on everyone's vehicles.

2. Dress as mimes - white face, black tight clothing, etc. and don't talk the entire time you're there. Communicate in mime, walk against the wind when going to the bathroom or pull yourself along with an invisible rope. Constantly run into invisible walls, etc.

3. Hire some of the biggest, meanest looking people you know to wear dark suits, dark glasses, and earpieces. Let your family know that they're your entourage/bodyguards. Have them surround you at all times. Have secret signals for allowing people to approach you as well as having them forcibly removed from your presence.

4. Make most of your speech in a foreign language along the lines of, "What can you say about a couple who have stayed together 50 years... It's just like the Spanish say, 'Aunque el autopista es verde, mi tia esta enferma.'" Don't translate anything (that was Spanish for 'although the highway is green, my aunt is sick.')

5. Hire some people to dress as cops to show up at about 20 minutes into it, enter the room, and yell, "Princess and CO Liberal, you're under arrest!" Have a chase scene around the tables. Throw food at the officers then run out the door and jump into your car and burn rubber out of the parking lot.

6. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom a lot. Each time you return, be wearing a different outfit. Pretend you don't know what your family is talking about when they say something about that.

(I keep coming up with ideas... sorry)

7. Hire a barbershop quartet to show and serenade your mother by singing a slightly different version of,

"M is for the many times you beat me
O is for the other times you beat me
T is for the trauma you inflicted
H is for hell, where you'll go, it's predicted
E is everything bad you've done
R is for my revenge in this song..."

Etc.

TlalocW

[the Princess]

45. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You win!!!!! That was the best post of the year!!!!!!!

[Wapsie B]

44. If you go,

be yourself. Apologize to no one for your feelings. If repug relatives cant' take it tough shit.

It reminds me of an old saying," If you want to make a Liberal mad, lie to him. If you want to make a conservative mad, confront him with the truth."

[the Princess]

46. Good point

Does that mean I can go in my Dominatrix outfit - leather with 6 inch spike heels and my whip with CO Liberal on a dog chain??

PLEASE say yes!! LOLOL

[Wapsie B]

55. Oh dear Jesus yes!!!

That would be perfect!

:headbang:

[Left Is Write]

47. Count me in with the "Don't Go" people.

It doesn't sound like you have (or want) a good relationship with any of these people. If I were abused, I'd have a hard time wanting to "honor" the people who abused me.

Do what's best for YOU. Don't give in to demands and emotional blackmail.

[CO Liberal]

48. Mid-Day Kick

:kick:

[the Princess]

49. Ick honey

After rethinking all this shit - I need a BIG HUG from my big fuzzy honey.

[CO Liberal]

50. OK - Gimme a Few Hours

I'll see you tonight!

:loveya:

[the Princess]

52. Waiting anxiously!

:loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :loveya:

[UdoKier]

51. IF those were my parents...

and if they have yet to make amends for the damage they've done, I would not go.

[Willy Wonka]

53. Show up naked.

Cite creative thinking.

Then walk out, while your family have a :wtf: thought.

[Patiod]

54. It's only a relatively short time

Advice from someone who went through it myself recently (and also had to deal with hostile trashy SIL and other relatives)

My brother always "gets sick" for holidays and special occasions like this, and he's not fooling anyone.

If it's in the afternoon (a lot of these things are, so the elderly guests can get home before dark) make reservations someone you enjoy for dinner afterwords - use that as your reward for getting through the event.

Enjoy the food, have a few drinks, and don't get involved in any substantive discussion - just keep your comments pointless: "doesn't mom look great?" "Isn't it good to see Jerry after all this time?" "How do you think the Rockies are going to do this year?"

Lots of bathroom/smoke breaks.

They're still your family, toxic or not. You're a bigger person than they are - you can do this!

[Nikia]

56. I'd go

This is a big milestone for them and it would mean a lot to them if you showed up and everyone tried to get along for one day. This is a one time thing and probably will only be a couple of hours. One or both of them might not live much longer, and I think that it is good not to have regrets. I am not on the best terms with my parents either, but I'd go anyway.

[Catchawave]

58. I agree....GO

...but drink heavily :silly:

[Megahurtz]

59. I wouldn't go

I have problems like this with my evangelical extremely bigoted "born again" Repuke brother and his goody two shoes "my shit doesn't stink" wife (sorry, I had to get that out) x( so I would not go.

I can't just sit around and pretend that everything is okay, when it's not.

[Niccolo_Macchiavelli]

60. Hmmm repelling and tempting

I'd say don't go. It's not worth the time or the people.

But if you go have some fun. And share this fun.

Some pretty suggestions were allready made. I like the sticker on cars idea.

America is going downhill
and i voted for a fronseat!

Dumbass on board

Red as a ketchup
Dumb as Rock

I voted for
Hatred,War,Slavery

Rapure Rider

Apocalypse Now!

Abstinent Wanker

When US gets fucked
I bend over


Of course you couldn't do that by yourself thats the fun you could share with your friends. You are at the party enjoying yourself.
(It helps to get drunk to the point where no one can give you shit.)

Talk and behave as there will be no tomorrow, rapture is near, the bunkers in washington beeing enlarged for the messias and his choosen. Just be fatalist and nihilist. nothing counts were gonna be vapored anyway. Come with an eye for an eye and just hit your parents when ya go. Do whatever you please. Bring your pet skunk with you. Or Rats. Buy Mosquitos.

Have fun. You don't owe them anything.

Pro: won't be invited to more party. you have fun.

Con: you'll probably be dosowned

[davis_islander]

61. Huh?

If you hate these people so much, just tell them to FOAD and be done with it. Drop the victim thing, you gotta get past that.