I hate my job and my situation

[jiacinto]

My life has been turned upside down here and I don't know what to do. Everything that could go wrong has with a vengeance. I am so unhappy, angry, and stressed out!

[toddzilla]

1. stand on your head..

everything will revert back to normal..



i know that's no help, but maybe you chuckled.. or smiled.. or said "fuck that guy"

:crazy:

[oneighty]

2. Undo it

You are young, strong, unfettered. Go to where you can be happy!

Ed

[MissMillie]

43. I agree

I don't mean to imply that "undoing it" will be easy. But there are instances where doing so is easier than it would be otherwise. For example, if you're married and have kids it may be harder to "undo" job changes and change of location.

There is very little that can't be undone. If things are really that bad, you can try to put them back to the way they were, or you can go in an entirely different direction, altogether.


Good luck.

[HEyHEY]

3. We need a bit more than that

Before we can offer any advice....

[Name removed]

4. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Emboldened Chimp]

6. A bit harsh, don't you think?

Sure hope you were "joking."

[Dagaz]

5. Me too

But I'm drawing a paycheck and my boss is cool so I'm concentrating on other areas of my life. Just take work as it comes and realize that just as this isn't your first job ist's also not your last.

[cally]

7. Find another job and move back to where you have friends

I've said this before, but I walked and raised funds for a more than a few non-profits. I hated it. I believed in the goal of the organization but what I did was just awful. I eventually decided to quit and found a different job. Carlos, you continually post about your unhappiness. It's time to move on. Leave Florida and just find something different. This job and home is not for you.

[jiacinto]

8. My lease is for a year

I can't leave here.

[Kenneth ken]

10. you CAN break your lease

when I did, I had to pay about an extra month's rent. Sort of like paying the rent for the last month of the lease.

[jiacinto]

12. It's a private landlord

a totally different situation.

[Kenneth ken]

13. well I won't argue

with you; but until you actually try to break your lease, you won't know if it can be done or not.

Worse comes to worst, stop paying rent, and make him evict you. Heck, stop paying rent, pack up, leave, and let him try to collect then.

I'm just trying to show you glimmers of hope, or options or something positive.

[jiacinto]

14. Not a good idea

That would work if I didn't have to rent later. Any potential landlord would then see that I "didn't pay the rent" and/or that I was "evicted". And that will prevent me from getting a lease in the future.

[cally]

41. That's just not true

Look at your options and what you need. I once considered not paying a mortgage and letting the bank re-possess because the house lost value. I don't see these things as moral issues but as economic issues. Believe me, the owner looks at it as an economic issue. Look at what you would lose economically and what you would gain. I didn't bail on the mortgage for economic issues. I thought I would lose more than I would gain. Bad credit is not horrible depending on your circumstance. Just think about all the options.

[Ediacara]

11. read your lease Carlos

most leases let you find a replacement tenant if you want to break the lease before the year's up, without penalty.

[Kenneth ken]

9. quit your job

break your lease
call your parents
move in with them for a SHORT while
make a better plan.


I can probably relate to what you're going through. Florida was HELL for me - and I don't even believe in hell.

I stayed far too long. Life is much better now that I'm not there any more.


Sorry Floridians - it's a great place to vacation, it can be a bad place to live.

[jiacinto]

15. That doesn't work for me

My parents are dead.

[Madrone]

16. Your problem -

J - I've never been one of the "bash jiacinto" posters on this site, and you probably don't even know who I am, since I don't post often enough to reflect the amount of time actually spend on these boards - but - (and it's a small but, as I am still not going to bash ya)

Your problem is that you are immersed in the negative, my friend.

5 years ago things weren't going well for me. I was sick, and off work for 4 months. I ended up living the cliche - parent's basement, the whole 9 yards. Doctors were frustrating me because they weren't giving me any answers, family was frustrating me because they weren't acknowledging the fact that I was ill (they claimed me to be lazy), finances were frustrating me because I didn't HAVE any. I never left the house (rarely left the basement, be it for the occasional bathroom trip), and I was full up, fed up.

An opportunity arose for me to move to WA - an aquaintance I had online said if I ever moved out, she'd rent me a room until I got my own place. She lined up a job for me, and everything was set.

I packed myself and my 3 kitties in my van and headed to WA, from Michigan - alone. I was very excited about starting anew - new life, new friends, and new opportunities.

I had the best summer of my LIFE when I was moving here - I took 5 weeks, seeing the country along the way. When I arrived in WA I was tingling with anticipation, ready for anything, and excited about being here.

That didn't last long.

The roommate didn't like that I wasn't an easy mark for conversion to Christianity. She had nothing good to say about me. I worked for her family's restaurant when I first got here - the customers loved me, my coworkers and roommates family reduced me to TEARS on more than one occasion. They fired me for no reason, and since it was winter I took a seasonal job at a ski resort. I would get up every morning at 4 am to check the weather, if it was bad I'd stay up and dig the car out to prepare for a treacherous drive up the mountain, if it wasn't so bad I'd go back to sleep until 5. I wouldn't get home until 8pm or later every night. On my days off, I'd sleep until 12ish to catch up on sleep, and my roommate told everyone I was lazy because I slept so late.

I was planning to save up money and get a place on my own in August. In early March I was informed that I had until April 1st to move.

I had never experienced the type of rudeness or total lack of interest in others that I have experienced here in WA. I was miserable, and alone. Everyone that loves me, that truly knows me and appreciates me is 2500 miles away.

I ended up securing a roommate from another state - a man I was interested in, but above all thought a good friend. I rented a large house, and prepared for him to join me here. Shortly before my employment at the resort ended, and I got a job bartending in a tiny little small town bar. Another nightmare, on both counts.

Bartending - again, the customers loved me, the owners went out of their way to be rude to me. I was told by other employees and customers that the owners were consistantly offering my job to anyone they thought would take it so they could fire me. No one could understand why - there were only 2 of us bartenders, and I was the HONEST one - the one that would not give drinks away for free so I'd get better tips, the one that never called in sick, the one that bent over backwards to help them. My roommate begged me consistantly to quit, and I finally did when I felt like I was a hair away from being fired anyway. Put in my 2 weeks, thinking that would give me a little income and time to find a job. After 2 days, they called me and told me not to bother showing up as I had been replaced.

I sent out resumes to places that sounded good to work, no replies. Sent out resumes to places that would be tolerable. No replies. Went thru the phone book and sent resumes to everything from Burger King to janitorial. The ONLY place that called after 3 months of NO JOB was Dairy Queen. I took it as I had no alternative.

The guy roommate went from bad to worse. Utterly controlling, violent temper, no consideration, begging me for sex 24 hours a DAY, and making 6x the money I was, all while beating me over the head about it.

I used to sit in a chair at night and almost cry over what I had been reduced to. Working at Dairy Queen - making only enough money to pay my half of the rent and utilites, with a tiny amount left over to buy dried beans and rice. If the roommate bought me anything I was beaten over the head about it. If I tried to get away from his abuse by going to my room he'd follow and kick the door in. I couldn't do ANYTHING about my situation. I couldn't kick him out because I didn't have any the money to pay the expenses myself. I couldn't leave because I had no where to go and no money.

After a year of that, I landed a decent job. I asked the roommate to move out (more drama ensued over that, I assure you) and I now live by myself in relative peace. Things are still quite difficult and I often find myself overwhelmed, but it ain't so bad. I've SEEN bad, I've lived it for most of my life - this isn't too bad.

I still don't have friends like I have in Michigan, and that's okay. My friends in MI are still there for me, and while I'd like those kinds of relationships here I can live without them, for the time being.

One thing I learned by packing up and moving so far by myself is that I CAN. I can DO it! Just like I packed up and came here, I CAN pack up and go back. Someday, I probably will. For the moment, however, I owe it to myself to exhaust whatever opportunities I may have here, or that may be awaiting me. All the negative aside, this has been one hell of a learning experience.

I guess that's what my point to you with this cliff notes version of my situation is. Take advantage of where you are and what you are doing NOW, while you can. Don't get hung up on the negatives, actively seek out the positives. You can go back, you can leave - but you owe it to yourself to explore your situation to it's fullest potential first. Life is funny about throwing you into impossible situations - and you always, in retrospect, realize that things weren't so impossible after all. Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. And just when you thing things will never get better - THEY DO.

Things do get better, j.

I leave you with one last crucial bit of advice - cliche, but so important and true. The world is your mirror! They way you are looking at life is exactly how life will be reflected back at you. Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how YOU view what happens to you. You have been given an opportunity for learning, and for growth. It's yours - use it wisely!

[jiacinto]

17. Thanks

I appreciate your story. This job has hurt me so badly. I bought a new car and left DC for Florida. It has turned into a nightmare. I just don't know what to do.

It hurts a lot. I am trying to let God take care of everything.

[Madrone]

18. What about your job?

If you've posted the details recently, they've scrolled off the board before I've seen them. The last "real" post I've seen you make before this one (real meaning: not the "Discuss" threads) was about Florida sucking much wind... :)

I'll tell you the FIRST thing you need to do is adjust your thinking. It's hard, but think of it in learning and opportunity terms. What are you learning from this? (this will become more evident later on, as I think it's still too early to be clear) What are you supposed to be learning from this? and - What can you make of it?

re God- If he leads you to it, he'll lead you through it!


edited to add: Also, remember you are NEVER stuck. You ALWAYS have choices in a situation - but not all of the choices are usually attractive. You CAN break your lease, you CAN quit your job - but you have to weigh those choices against their consequences. If the consequences don't work for you, (for most of us, they don't) then determine what it is you need to do to make your situation workable. Just don't EVER, EVER let yourself think you don't have a choice. You DO. You just may not like the alternative. ;-)

[jiacinto]

21. I see your point

But the consequences of all the choices are so bad that they aren't really choices.

[Madrone]

22. I know -

but the fact still remains that there IS choice, which is what I was trying to get across to you, and you obviously understand.

Still wondering about your job details though - if you care to share them. That may help us understand your situation a little better and offer some better advice.

I'm going to bed before long, but I'm still interested in hearing your story (how it got this bad, why it's this bad, etc) -



BTW, I didn't even begin to go into the horrible way I felt when finding myself stuck in WA with a bunch of people that treated me like assholes. Part of that is because it would take SOOOO much to put it all into words, and part of it is because the sting has worn off with time -

[jiacinto]

24. I am sending you a PM

nt

[DoYouEverWonder]

32. God will not take care of you

You have to take care of yourself.

As for your living situation. I don't know what you do for a living but you if your motivated and a little creative there is no shortage of work to be found in the world, even in a Bu$h economy. If you don't like your new job, get off your butt and look for something else. With a day off and the Miami Herald I never had a problem finding a job when I lived down there.

In regards to living there, it is a crazy place. But I lived there for 13 years and had a blast. Get out, find something that you like to do and meet some people. South Florida has got a lot to offer from scuba diving, to sailing to great places to eat and hear music.

So quit feeling sorry for yourself and go have some fun.

;-)

[greatauntoftriplets]

36. As I was taught in Catholic grade school:

"God helps those who help themselves".

[Sufi Marmot]

19. Some perspective might be helpful....

Carlos, I sympathize with your frustration, but try to remember that if you:

a) have enough food to eat
b) have a roof over your head
c) are in good health
d) live in a relatively stable and peaceful society
e) have a few $$$ to spend on material comforts

you are doing way better than ~75% of the rest of the world. Count your blessings. You could be living in Liberia or Sierra Leone or the Congo. ("Discuss...", remember...?) You'll figure out a solution to your situation, and five years from now this will have been at worst a minor setback, and at best a valuable life experience. In the long run your current discomfort is insignificant, even if it doesn't appear that way at the moment.


-SM

[jiacinto]

23. I understand

And I am trying so hard to think like that.

[Sufi Marmot]

26. If it makes you feel any better...

I give myself that lecture about once a month...

On a more practical note, is it possible for you to take better advantage of your time away from work: weekends and evenings? That is, focus on the things that bring you pleasure and/or use the time for personal development.

-SM

[noiretextatique]

20. you have to focus on what you want, carlos

and on what is working. if you continue to focus on being unhappy, angry, and stressed out...guess what you will experience? unhappiness, anger and stress. where you put your focus becomes your reality. try writing down ten things you are thankful for every day...and focus on those things. and keep looking for a new job...you will eventually find one. if you don't be thankful that you have a job...so many people don't. and relax...you just moved, and that is stressful enough. get out...meet some people, and have some fun. find a church to attend...or find something else you like to do. and THINK POSITIVELY...it works. i am sending you something via email that works for me.

[Ivory_Tower]

25. I don't know the details of your situation

other than what I gleaned from the occasional thread I saw, but I'm pretty sure you haven't been in Florida very long, so is it also possible that you're just going through a culture shock of sorts? That is, the natural stress of moving to a new location and new job? (Maybe the word I'm thinking of is "homesickness"?)

If that's the case, I don't know what advice to give other than to wait it out (since the stress would be mainly due to perception). Perhaps others on the board could give better advice in that case.

On the other hand, if it's completely unbearable down there, couldn't you return to DC? I would be surprised if you couldn't sublet your place in Florida (or break the lease with a penalty of a month or two rent). Do you know people back in DC, people you could stay with while you found work there?

Just remember that the situation is never hopeless.

(I was going to comment on your "Life is Hell" discussion thread early on, because I got a little worried that you were leading up to something like this -- remember that life isn't hell. Life just is. But how you view life is important, and it only seems like hell because you perceive it to be so. I know it sounds stupid, and I wish I could express it better, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. It's not as bad as you think, and you have the ability to change it, even it doesn't seem possible at the moment. Good luck to you.)

[sandnsea]

27. Sometimes I just decide to hate things

I was in a town I really hated once and I was just miserable. I was stuck there because of my husband's job. When I finally decided I hated it and it was okay for me to hate it, I felt better. Empowered in a weird sort of way. So now I don't try to force myself to like something just because I think "I should". I just go with it and then try to find the tiniest bits of good I can think of.

I didn't like it here on the Oregon Coast for a very long time. The only truly positive thing I could say was "we've got flowers in February!". Now it's 6 years later and we have a couple of friends and it's okay. We think of moving away, but we really can't think of a place we'd enjoy more, as far as the weather and recreation and outdoors. We did find a little town down the coast with nicer people and will probably move there after the oldest one graduates. Maybe it'll just take a little time or maybe you're just going through one of those crappy phases in life.

There's even been occasions where I've prayed to remind God that I've moved!!! He's a busy guy, maybe he loses track of us sometimes! (joke)

:loveya:

[Awsi Dooger]

28. Where in Florida and what type of job?

I was on vacation for two months until recently and happily absent from the internet. Only last night did I notice Florida had replaced Maryland underneath your name.

I certainly can't relate to hating Florida, my birthplace and favorite state. But almost everyone I knew had post-collegiate troubles and second thoughts, regardless of where they relocated or what the job was. We chuckle about them now, almost 20 years later.

It's so simple and mentally choreographed in college: attend this class, hang out with these friends, do whatever you have to for this or that extracurricular activity. Once you leave college and the entire world is an option, and your friends all taking divergent ones, it's only natural to think you veered wrong and some other path would have been enriching and mind-at-ease.

Your new car must be a positive, if you selected it with the same care and thoughtfulness as your typical post here. Take it for a spin to some interesting nearby area that the locals recommend. Your lease problem is a farce, easily overcome with a little bit of short term financial forfeit, but no down the road black mark if you escape it honestly and correctly.

Without parents, I concede my early post-collegiate years would have been much more trying and probably scattergun. I think you should contact other relatives and close friends -- even from the past -- to vent, discuss and evaluate. No matter how many tens of thousands of posts you have made here, those people know you much better than anyone from a specialized internet newsgroup.

[Kahuna]

29. Sorry to hear that Carlos. I don't..

know what else to say except that I hope you're thinking about how to extract yourself from the situation.

I have missed you being here on DU. :D

[DemExpat]

30. Carlos.....do you have someone there to talk to....

in person?

This would make such a difference!

If not a friend or colleague, a priest, or counsellor?

Thinking of you.

DemEx

[JanMichael]

34. He could always drive over to Sarasota & pow-wow with...

...me & Shakeydave.

Who knows, it may help:shrug:

[LynneSin]

31. Been there done that gained 40 pounds in the process

I absolutely made myself miserable when I first moved from PA to Delaware. I hated the job I had, I was losing touch with the friends I had from back home (well aquaintenences), I had end a relationship and I ate like there was no tomorrow.

A year of therapy and prozac help me get my act together (although mind you, I still have that 40 pounds to lose).

One of the greatest helps was DU and getting involved in politics. You have some great DU folks down in DU who are quite involved with politics. Make a post about a DU get together in your area and hook up with some of the folks. I'm glad I did!!! I made so many friends and I get together with Ramsey and Molly on a regular basis. And from the DU gatherings I found the courage to get involved with other campaigns in the area (Those Dean meetups and a local Peace group have added to my circle of contacts - although pick the candidate of your choice).

The fact you've posted it is the first step. Now get out there and get involved.

[renie408]

33. Probably not going to be a popular response

Sometimes life sucks. Big, fat chunks of it. Noone gets any gaurantees that things will go smoothly or easily or that they will enjoy themselves all the time. It is your attitude towards life that makes the difference. YOU decide to be miserable. Emotions are invented in our heads. You could just as easily decide that the position that you are in now is an interesting challenge to find something enjoyable for you in your life and turn everything around. Or you can decide that it just sucks and that is the end of that. The key is within you and it takes a positive effort to change things. If you sit and wait for things to change for you, they never will. If you are stuck in your lease, why waste any time hating where you live? It is a place to sleep and eat sometimes. Period. People can be happy living in cardboard boxes and miserable living in mansions. The difference is not in the roof over their heads, but within themselves.

I won't go into it, but I am speaking with the voice of experience here. Trust me, attitude is everything. I feel for you and the bleakness you perceive in your situation, but take heart in the fact that you can change your outlook. Have you ever studied Buddhism? Even if you are strongly religious, you might want to study it from a philisophical standpoint.

[mrbill]

35. rule #1, all life is suffering.

[renie408]

37. Bingo

And even when you think you are happy, you are really suffering because you are worried about the end of that happiness.

You have to be careful not to interpret Buddhism as nihilism, but it really helped me when I was going through some rough times. I would not say that I am a Buddhist by any means, but as a philosophical way of looking at life, it changed my outlook. It is easier for me to accept the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune now.

[ZenLefty]

39. This is good advice, Carlos.

I know people who find misery in a job smelling the roses. I know people who are happy with a job shoveling shit into the tide.

Happiness is found within. Look anywhere else for it, and you're looking in the wrong place.

[TahitiNut]

44. Viktor Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning

:thumbsup:

[oneighty]

47. Excellent book

"I am to meet him there". So sayeth Death.

180

[SoCalDem]

38. Carlos..

No matter where you go or live, you will always take your "baggage" with you..

I always got the impression that you were stressed when you lived in Md..

Not having parents, and being your age IS stressful.. Parents are important to a young person just starting out.. My grown kids (well, 2 of them) still call with that frantic .."What am I gonna do, Mom?" tone and it's got to be frustrating for you to "feel" alone and to be unhappy where you are..

I'm going to give you a few pearls of motherly wisdom:

EVERY job you ever have will suck to some degree...

The job you quit, to take the "pefect" job, will usually look better "in the rear view mirror"

MOST people will NEVER be able to truly afford to live where they really want to live.. the perfect house, the perfect neighborhood, etc

MAKE NEW FRIENDS...just a few

Do not burden yourself with massive debt.. (Stay ready to pick up and take on a new adventure)..If you are burdened with debt, you are "planted" and must watch the opportunities escape, because you are afraid to be unemployed or underemployed..

Get a part-time job that is FUN..(bartending, zoo helper, tutor,whatever)

Do one truly generous thing every day, and when you are down in the dumps, at least you can have one good thing to focus on..

Remember... Whatever is upsetting you today, will not matter at all a hundred years from now:)

Approach your job you hate as "research" for your next job...

Kiss up to whoever you HAVE to and ignore the rest of it..

Get a pet.. at least you will have "soomeone" who is eager to see you when you get home.. Out cats are better entertainment than TV..



Resign yourself to the fact that you have moved, you ARE where you ARE, and find something about where you are, that interests you.. Join an Everglades conservancy group.. There will be liberal people involved and you might need that "network" later...and you might help save the glades too :)

Next time you see Mickey, tell him :hi:

[Drifter]

40. Learn to juggle ...

It will at least get you pissed off about something else.

Cheers
Drifter

[TahitiNut]

42. That's the "zen" of juggling.

There are lessons in it -- important lessons about guilt, being in the moment, and being part of the Universe. That, of course, is merely MHO.

[bluestateguy]

45. We need your Democratic vote in Florida

but of course, we don't want you to stay if you are unhappy there. I hope you consider moving to another swing state in time for the election :)

[jiacinto]

48. I plan on staying here for the forseeable future

nt

[XanaDUer]

46. I had the exact same thing happen to me Carlos

moved away for a job that turned into total BS. Left a place with good restaurants and some culture to move to a terrible place.

You just have to know it happens, will happen to everyone, you will be wiser next time, and that you can get over it.

I myself am going back to school to see what else I can do. Look into options, though in FL, renters have little rights. You may have to stick it out until the lease is up.

Good luck.