Hey ya'll we gotta lot of DU'ers in pain

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

Just in the last week I have noticed several threads of people posting in desperation. Inevitably in those threads, the vast majority of people will be kind, sensitive and supportive..but there are always a few posts that are completely inappropriate, insensitive and totally uncalled for.

My request is...if someone is in pain and you can't muster up any sensitivity, please have the decency and common sense to say nothing.

People are out of work. Some have either lost or are on the verge of losing their homes and everything they have worked for.

We have many DU'ers that are disabled, there are quite a few Du'ers who have family abroad and we are ALL HAVING the stress of non-stop shit being hurled from the mighty wurlitzer in D.C.

Just a little public service announcement in case you one day find yourself at your wits end and wish to communicate to a group you have come to feel a part of. Let's make sure the space of empathy is there for one another.

[Dookus]

1. thank you!

[BigMcLargehuge]

2. thanks :)

someone needed to say this

[Democrats unite]

3. I concur

I posted a heart wrenching post eariler in another forum About losing my best friend who past away & was ripped to shreds for posting my feelings. I then came here & have been here all night.

[DemBones DemBones]

9. I'm sorry for your loss. To have a best friend die is a very sad

experience for anyone. It sounds as if this just happened, too. Wishing you peace and eventual healing.

[amazona]

43. oh i am sorry to hear that

I missed your post earlier. There is really nothing I can say to make it easier but I just want you to know that we care.


it's hard to lose a best friend, i'm so sorry

[roughsatori]

4. There was a nasty response to a person tonight who had expressed pain

It did not make me angry, it made very sad. Thanks for your post.

[Skittles]

16. WHO ARE THESE NASTY PEOPLE

I WANT TO KICK THEIR ASSES

[SPICYHOT]

33. Then let's do it girl!

i want to kick ass too!

[jab105]

5. Yes...

for the most part(huge majority) the support that I've seen on the DU boards has been extraordinary...it makes me proud to be a democrat, even though the few are inappropriate, 1. the moderators have a quick handle on it, and 2. it the definite minority...

[DemBones DemBones]

6. And please do not tell people who are depressed to cheer up, or

otherwise suggest that they can feel better if they just think positively. It just doesn't work that way when you have clinical depression.

If you want to suggest something that has helped you deal with depression, whether it's exercise, diet, sunshine, a book, whatever, it's better to say "I don't know if this would help you, but it did me some good" -- not "Do this and you'll be healed!"

Thanks for starting this thread, nsma!

[thom1102]

21. While I agree clinical depression is a psychological Illness that should

be treated by a doctor, there is psychological evidence to indicate that there is a reciprocal relationship between mood and action. What I mean is, when you are happy, your body has a physical reaction in the form of a smile, but studies have found that if you are sad, and you smile, it can have a positive impact on your mood. That's not to say that if you are clinically depressed and you should be on meds, that if you just smile, everything will be all right. But if you are going through a bad patch, and are feeling a bit down, that smiling can help.

As far as the original post in this thread, I totally agree. If you can't muster a sympathetic word for someone who needs it, then don't even bother to post. Sometimes just seeing that other people care enough to post can lift your spirits.

[rbnyc]

28. fake it til you make it. (nt)

[Karenina]

34. Naaa Duuuu!!!

:hi: You and yours are held closely in my heart! :loveya:

I once tried to fake a solo on "Giant Steps." It was errraaaa... :silly:

[GoddessOfGuinness]

36. The point about smiling is a good one...

I know it's not a cure for depression, but I've found it IS a great mood elevator when I'm having one of those "blah" days.

It's important to be as sensitive as possible when responding to those who are suffering. At the same time I find I have to be careful to accept certain less-than-sensitive comments as well-intentioned.

It seems like bumbling comments are quickly denounced by other DUers. I've certainly made my share of boo-boos; and have been glad that people pointed them out to me so I could make the appropriate apologies.

At the risk of sounding Pollyanna-ish, I think most who botch a reply aren't attempting to be cruel. Communicating via message board without being able to use body language and vocal inflection is challenging, to say the least...
:grouphug:

[amazona]

44. i agree with you...

...most of us who bumble are just bumblers. It isn't meant to be cruel, it is a hope that we can share a shortcut that worked for us. And if the shortcut won't work for you, it sounds like we're trivializing...argh!!! Should be a warning label -- just cuz it worked once doesn't mean it will work nine times.


not everyone who cares is skilled at communicating

[Rocinante]

7. I'm not on the boards much

but I believe in what you've just said and hope that I can help somehow.

[juajen]

8. Right! Empathy is supposed to be our strong suit

Thanks for pointing this out. I try to always answer posts from people who are obviously in pain. Don't know how often it helps, but I know how it feels. Sometimes those people who post in the negative have simply young souls. They will learn that life throws pain to all of us. It's supposed to teach us that we should support and love other human beings who are on this road to somewhere with us.

[VOX]

10. Well said, nsma. Very well said indeed.

Everyone has their turn in the barrel, and we're all connected.

Thanks for the gentle and thoughtful reminder.

[peacefreak]

11. Wise words NSMA

let's give this one a little 'ol:kick:

[Brewman_Jax]

12. Well said

Couldn't have said it better. Life is hard enough without added stress. Sometimes, our friends just want to be heard.

O8) :hug:

As for those freepers, well...they're on their own.

[ikojo]

13. Thanks for posting that NSMA!

I don't like it when people get on their high horse and issue platitudes about adjusting one's attitude. Well, for some it's not easy to think positive thoughts when one feels trapped. Simply thinking positive thoughts does not change the situation at all. If it did then Bush would not be in the White House.

[ewagner]

14. Silence is best sometimes

There was a post up here Sunday night that was truly desparate. I knew so little about the disease that saying anything at all would have been truly dangerous. Fortunately, there are people here who have both knowledge and experience. I fought back my instincts to jump in to provide comfort and let the more experienced people help.

My silence was not lack of compassion, but perhaps, appropriate compassion.

on edit: To Dems unite, I'm sorry for your loss.

[blondeatlast]

15. Amen. When in doubt, leave it out.

As one who has been on the wrong end of the sympathy stick when my dad died; everyone here really came through when I needed it most.

I just hope I've passed on some of the love to others.

Thanks again, everyone.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

17. Thanks everyone, let's keep this kicked a while

[smirkymonkey]

18. I have always wondered why

some people need to kick others when they are down - it is so counter-intuitive to me.

People usually attack when they feel threatened. Why does someone sharing their heartfelt feelings pose such a threat to them, that's what I would like to know. I think it is probably because they are unable to access their own feelings and it scares them to see someone else doing it.

It is so cruel and unnecessary to treat a person who is looking for some support and understanding with such hostility. I would say those who do are just very self-centered, self-righteous and should really learn to keep their mouths shut in situations where they have nothing beneficial to say.

[alarimer]

40. yes

What I have a hard time understanding are those who, when someone is venting their feelings about something (like a job they hate or whatever), there is inevitably a response along the lines of "well you are better off than a lot of people- how dare you complain when there are kids starving in India". While I understand where they are coming from (a job you hate is still a job- you still have food and a bed), it is sort of beside the point. A lot of times all people want to do is vent; I am not sure they actually expect solutions.

[smirkymonkey]

49. True, and I actually

think venting can be healthy, provided that it doesn't go on for years about the same thing.

I have hear that "pain shared is halved", meaning just getting it out and having someone hear you is theraputic in itself. Of course, severe clinical depression would require more care, but I think a lot of depression can be about isolation and sharing your pain can do much to break that isolation.

[newyawker99]

19. Thanks for this thread nsma!!

:thumbsup:

[MissMillie]

20. Group Hug everyone!!!! (n/t)

.

[DrGonzoLives]

22. I agree

Unfortunately, "decency and common sense" are lost on people whose sole purpose on the internet is to trash others to make themselves feel good.

[RetroLounge]

23. I agree too DrGonzoLives

Damn. Now I can't trash you for being a Packer fan...

x(

[jus_the_facts]

24. very well stated Teena......

:yourock: :pals:

[rbnyc]

25. Thanks, and thanks again...

...as one of the people who have posted recently in despair. I really appreciate you people. You helped a lot.

[bif]

26. Amen. I totally agree with ya!

Maybe the problem is that there are some folks that are such smart-asses, they just don't know when they're pusing it. I really hope that there aren't total assholes here, unless they're some lurking Freepers. That kind of action belongs over at freeperville.

[Iris]

27. good suggestion

[Kool Kitty]

29. Very well said.

And just so you don't think that this is a problem limited to my fellow DUers, I have to tell you something that my husband told me last night. He is a psychiatric social worker at University Hospital in Newark. He has been working overtime at least 4 times a week for the past six months. He told me that he has never had to see so many people. People that are unemployed, suicidal, people with post-traumatic stress from 9-11, veterans back from the Gulf, kids too depressed to go to school or interact with anyone, domestic abuse, drug overdoses, etc. He said that it is terrible and they are having trouble finding enough beds and services for these people. (Oh, did I mention that a lot of their services have been curtailed, due to "budget" problems?) It's a miserable situation and the least we can do is lend a sympathetic ear to each other. You never know when you may need that very sympathetic ear yourself.

[blondeatlast]

30. Kick

:kick:

[Gato Moteado]

31. i agree!

luckily the vast majority of people here are compassionate and kind. the insensitive ones are few, it's just that they stick out like sore thumbs.

[noiretextatique]

32. yes, yes YES!!!

:toast: it doesn't take much to offer some words of kindness and encouragement when people are clearly hurting. and if one can't do that...one should refrain from posting.

[Karenina]

35. PAIN.

It's ubiquitous. I know what it feels like and don't wish it on any of my fellow DUers. We are all here because of our common core values. May we learn to treat each other with respect, empathy and tolerance for our foibles.

[Don_G]

37. I Noticed A Few More In Pain Today

One quit, another got laid off and a third individual's computer went down yesterday after an extended run of bad luck.

It's hard not to feel for these people but very difficult (for me) to find the right words without sticking one's foot in one's mouth.

[BurtWorm]

38. kick

[Syn_Dem]

39. I think we all need a group hug

*group hug*

[blm]

41. Thanks for speaking out about this.

The insensitivity sometimes is astounding.

[amazona]

42. thanks..pain is bad...

Sometimes when I think I am being supportive and offering helpful ideas I am really just being tactless. I'm trying to work on that but I have an idea that I really put my foot in it recently.


purple people aren't perfect just cuz we look perfect

[BurtWorm]

45. Another kick

for wisdom.

:kick:

[hussar]

46. Just started a mental health + human services course at college

I agree with you and also DemBones, well put and thanks for being "nice" people.

:yourock:

[Rhiannon12866]

47. The kindness and empathy I have witnessed here has

really caused me to have renewed faith in the inherent goodness of people. I am continually amazed in the ability of people here to come to the aid of their comrades with information, sympathy or humor. But I get your drift, my friend. There have been posts that have turned ugly. One in particular, which I know you remember, totally baffled me. We are here because we share a common spirit. Political arguments are to be expected and encouraged. Personal attacks and hurtfulness are not and are not in the spirit of the DU I have some to know and have genuine affection for.
:loveya:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

48. one last kick

[Rhiannon12866]

50. And another kick from me!

:hi: