Sum up your day in headline form

[Neoma]

I'll start:

Women sits on her tush for 7 strait hours almost every day!

Local human sits in front of computer locally, farting Occasionally

While upsetting Women she throws Crayons to get human to shut the hell up.

human retreats to smelly room to read a non-educational book

[donheld]

1. Boss has Donheld's blood boiling again

don't know if i over react, but now i have a co-worker fuming too.

[WindRavenX]

2. Local student realizes she needs to study

"I just thought I could drink and get ass...and still get A's!" She said in a recent statement.
"I thought I could BS that Islamic History...man, that shit gets complicated."
She said she hoped for a B, but would accept a C.

[K8-EEE]

3. Local Woman Despairs Over Holiday Calendar

school programs, charity commitments, office parties, family get togethers create Grinch-like, distinctly un-ho ho funk for North Hollywood woman

[Radical Activist]

4. Local man sits on ass all day, then flirts with waitress

My day was something like yours.

[Fiona]

5. Fiona Posts on DU

Local Woman Overcomes Post Shyness

[Neoma]

6. Welcome to DU!

:toast: :party:

[Radical Activist]

10. welcome to DU

Don't be shy, its fun!

[Fiona]

11. thanks

I tried to join around election-time, but I couldn't. But I've been reading for awhile and came back. It's hard when you all seem to know each other so well.

[JohnnyRingo]

7. JohnnyRingo goes out tonight

The club scene witnesses a new messiah
-Story by "The Onion"

[elperromagico]

8. Local Man Declares War On Procrastination, Decides To Wait

[pres2032]

9. Local Student breaks 1000 posts on DU, works on two finals.

[maveric]

12. Unhinged patient transferred to locked unit. Critical Care Unit to regain

a sense of normalcy once again.

We've had a woman, an alcoholic/drug addict, with a brain injury(beaten by asshole boyfiend), who has been wreaking havoc on my Critical Care unit for 3 weeks now. She climbs out of bed, assaults staff, tries to drink any liquid in her sight. Even the contents of the pulmonary suction canisters, the vilest most disgusting substance on earth. She came in with scabies and passed it on to several staff members. Yours truly included. This patient has an NG tube (Nasal passage feeding), and pulls it out at least 3 times a day. She's a poor soul but very disruptive and abusive to all around her.
Today they pulled her Trach and will be going to the locked psyche unit tomorrow.
I wish her the best but I cant handle her anymore.

[TyeDye75]

13. Young Englishman Re-Defines Mediocraty /nt

[Not a robought]

14. Worker bumps into old girlfriend now a lesbian, at new job...

12 years later on the other side of the country.

[datasuspect]

15. man sits for fourth consecutive week and does nothing . . .

[fleabert]

16. Days pass without normal sleep. yet still she lives!

[huellewig]

17. Man confused by animated gif..

discovers his timing was wrong..



Jesus heals..

[auburngrad82]

18. Bored man goes home, takes nap

:boring:

[Lilith Velkor]

19. Depressed activist cusses out her therapist

"Fuck you and your goddamn 12-stepper bullshit! I'm trying to get over a bad breakup and all you want to talk about is meetings!? If I want to hear those stupid slogans I'll read a fucking pamphlet! Why don't you peddle your cult on your own goddamn time instead of the state's, you incompetent fuck?!"

Two people from the waiting room overheard her subsequent political rant, and showed up at the Electoral College protest that night.

[terrya]

20. Local man sits in front of monitor. Dead news day in Chicago.

[obreaslan]

21. Area Man Goes To Work Sick, Tired:

"I started feeling sick yesterday afternoon," said man, "but I have like three days left before vacation, so I figured suck it up and go." With more than 20 days worth of sick time on the books, local citizens think man should have taken the day off, but apparently, man has a slight case work ethic that always prevents said action. Man's boss could not be reached for comment.

In other news....