I am going to a visitation today for a long time friend

[kcwayne]

He was killed tragically in an automobile accident.

We grew up together and have been friends for 38 years. I am at a loss for what to say to his brothers and parents. The last time I saw him his kids were very young and would not remember me.

When I think back about some of the great times and events I have had in my life, he was there too. He stood up for me at my wedding, I traveled halfway across the country to be at his. We double dated at proms and homecomings, we were on sports teams together. We came across an accident where one of our friends was killed, and were the first to get aid. It was a major crises that we shared. And now ironically, he has been killed in an accident.

I know his family, but not all that well. I feel like I should say something more than "I am so sorry", but am struggling with exactly what I can say that won't bring them more grief, and I don't want to be trite either.

Religious platitudes are inappropriate. So are philosophical ones, my friend's family are not educated, readers, or thinkers. They are kind, generous, and a very tightly knit family.

I want them to know that their pain is shared, without focusing on the obvious pain in front of them.

Has anyone ever come up with something appropriate for these situations?

[Dora]

1. Give them the truth.

Give them your hand or an embrace. Tell them that your relationship with him meant a lot to you, your friendship was precious and rare, and that they are not alone in their sorrow.

It can mean a lot to hear of the love, rather than the loss. If you have a pleasant memory you can share, that might help.

My condolences to you on losing your friend.

[Bridget Burke]

2. Tell them what you told us.

What he meant to you, & "I am so sorry".

I mistrust the glib folks who always have platitudes ready to deal with the realities of life and death. Just be there.

[flamingyouth]

3. Tell them this

It's very moving. And I'm very sorry for their loss and yours. :hug:

[kcwayne]

4. Thank you everyone

I taken back some ideas to use.

[skygazer]

5. I'm so sorry for your loss

Losing a friend is like losing a part of yourself. That is very sad to hear. :hug:

[hickman1937]

6. I know from experience

Sometimes just showing up says the most. When my Mother died, most of her 'good friends' didn't show up. I forgave the dead ones, but the rest can bite me.