What's with people who never say anything nice to you?

[Southsideirish]

I have an in law for 25 years and in all that time she has never ONCE said a nice thing to me or paid me a compliment.

Why are some people so stingy with compliments - it doesn't cost them anything and they might make somebody feel good. I hate people like that.

[cestpaspossible]

1. Maybe she's just a hateful, bitter person.

[HereSince1628]

2. Has she always said bad things and always insulted you?

I am not sure I understand the problem, yet.

I come from a family where saying things are "Fine" is high praise and "Ok" is actually a compliment.


In other families "OK" is actually a negative critique.

Anyway....HAPPY HOLIDAY!

[NYC]

3. Perhaps she never receives compliments.

Could be.

[skygazer]

4. Well, it depends on whether they say negative things

That bothers me. But some people don't give a lot of compliments because of the idea that it devalues the gesture. People tend to think of New Englanders as cold and unfriendly but they are just spare with words and don't say anything unless they have something important to say.

One of the best compliments I ever got was from a New Englander when I helped load a hay truck. Stacking hay is an art and I'd stacked that thing to the sky and it wasn't going anywhere. The farmer walked around the truck and simply said, "You've stacked hay before." That's all. But it was a huge compliment.

Everyone's different. Don't let it get to you.

[fluffernutter]

5. i hate people like that too.

:hug: here's a hug, because i know no matter how much you try to convince yourself it doesn't matter, it still sux.

[buddysmellgood]

6. Is that all you can do...complain? ... :) Just kidding.

[hollywood926]

7. I have the opposite problem...

this lady at work compliments me every day, but it's so fake and you can tell she read in a book somewhere that you should compliment people twice per day. I can't stand her and her compliments are meaningless!

At least if your in-law ever compliments you, you'll know she means it!

[henslee]

8. Chip. Chip. Chip. I am spending time with a relative who is similar....

My idealistic niece wonders why he does not respond to kindness. I told her, it took him thirty years to get like that. We ain't gonna change him in a weekend.

[zann725]

9. I know. I had an entire family like that!

It's a form of control. They are very aware they're "withholding."
Best solution I found was to just quit begging for the approval, and simply walk away. Zaps the crap out of their center of power...and is healing to you. Do it from 'love' of your Inner Child right NOW. And wish yourself a Happy New Year without her!

[Starlight]

10. I hate that, too.

Along with never apologizing. Does it cause them pain to be nice? :shrug:

[autorank]

11. Does they look like this?

[Blue Gardener]

12. I grew up in that family

Some have gotten better over the years, some haven't. I have one sister who is an expert at the "backhanded" compliment. One time after I had my hair lightened, her response was "boy, that's really blonde", of course said with that smirky smile on her face. I am sure it was not meant as a compliment, but rather as a what the hell were you thinking comment. She is a very difficult person to be around, but I try to let her snide comments slide by as much as possible. I try to keep peace for the sake of my elderly father, but I have a feeling when he passes things might be different.

[SarahB]

13. That's mine too.

Here's a typical compliment of my mom, "You look really nice despite the fact you inherited your father's Neanderthal body." Anyone here's who seen me knows I'm a reasonably attractive person. Between that and my spouse's past comments telling me he wishes he could afford plastic surgery for me, yeah, it might give a person a bit of a complex after years of that.

A few months back, I got one I had now idea how to take. "You look so young and pretty, you must have a really easy life." Whatever. :eyes: Maybe I just wear sunscreen and don't pollute my body.

Anyway, the older I get, the more I realize that sometimes, if not extremely often, it's the OTHER person with the problem, so I don't need to internalize their negative crap along with it. Still difficult and still requires some very necessary boundaries with these types of people.