My wacko neighbor- just venting for a moment

[lady raven]

I swear she's got herself on the verge of a stroke over Christmas. She's of some very "fundamentalist" denomination, and she's all bent out of shape that I'm a "librul". I'm a Christian (and, unlike many around here, I do my very best to ACT like one, not just "talk the talk") and I celebrate Christmas by going to church- and that's it. I don't turn my house into Vegas (Their decorations are on all night and come through our curtains- It's a pain, but I've lived with it), I don't put up a tree, and we don't do presents. I don't begrudge others the chance to do these things, I just choose not to do them myself. However, the fact that I do NOT participate in these traditions has my neighbor in a real tizzy. (and yes, this is the condensed version- I could tell you things about her behavior since she moved in that would have YOU dialing the mental hospitals to get help for her)

She has been trying to "convert" me ever since my Kerry signs first went up, and now she's really got her knickers in a twist over my Christmas habits. I've lived in this neighborhood for 16 years (and my grandparents lived here for 50+ years before me) and I've never had a neighbor act this way before. This woman is just plain nutty... She even spies on us! Other neighbors have told me that she's constantly asking questions, and recently she has been very- overly- friendly. I'm friendly as well, but very wary. She slips things under the door (literature from her church), has begged me- to the point of tears- to stop going to my church, has asked me how many dead babies I have, etc.

I just try to ignore her, but it's so hard sometimes.

The only consolation I have is that she seems like a generally unstable person, and I've noticed that unstable types don't tend to stay in one place too long, so hopefully before long she'll move on to annoy someone else.

Anyone else hear dealt with lunatics in the neighborhood? Not just run of the mill conservatives or unfriendly types- certifiable nutcases like this one?

Rebecca

[Solly Mack]

1. You're a heck-of-a-lot nicer than I am

Not neighbor but had one of those close-by and ever ready to talk "at" me...you talk "at" people you don't plan to listen to in return.

I went off on her and that was that...

[lady raven]

3. Perhaps...

I tend not to go off on people unless they are deliberately cruel or whatever. This woman strikes me more as unbalanced than just plain mean, so I try very hard to show compassion.

I had a particularly trying encounter with her earlier this evening, in which I had a VERY hard time keeping my cool, which is why I needed to vent here. I try SO hard not to be mean to people, but I have to admit that sometimes it's VERY hard.

I wanted to yell at her tonight.

[Solly Mack]

9. She probably is unbalanced and you are truly patient

to let that temper your response.

Is there anyway you can avoid her?

Do you feel she is dangerous?

It's not cruel to protect yourself from attacks...and she is attacking you. Maybe not with her fists but certainly with her words and actions. How many times have you told her not to place things under your door? How many times have you told her you're not interested in embracing her choices? How many times should a person have to tell another person to back off?

Just be careful. OK?

[nadinbrzezinski]

2. If you are afraid for your safety

I am serious on this, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER.

[lady raven]

4. Thank you for caring!

I do appreciate the suggestion, and if it comes to that, you bet I will. I have a baby (Well, He's 4) to think about. But I don't have any fears for my safety at all- just my sanity.

[NMDemDist2]

5. how many "dead babies you have" WTF????? that would be the end of

all discussion right there

How DARE she say such a thing?? that is so abysmally rude I am speechless

[lady raven]

8. That's one of the things I had a really hard time with...

I think she's just one of those misguided neo- cons who think that if you're a female Democrat, you must have had a few abortions. You'd be surprised how many people in my neck of the woods think that way!

[NMDemDist2]

11. yeah we just join the party for the abortions??? OMFG

these people should be tested and licensed before they are allowed to breed and weaken the gene pool even further

Good Heavens!

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

22. And the limos that come with the welfare, don't forget them. (nt)

[radwriter0555]

26. I'd be REALLY tempted to send her over the edge. Like when you wave

hello, cheerily yell, "I'm off for my twice annual abortion! It's TWINS this time, oh DARN!"

Or cheerily yell that you've decided to worship satan, and would she care to join you?

Then announce you've become a communist, could she come to a meeting?

Wear a Che Gueverra shirt, and fly a flag with his face on it... Tell her you got a personal letter from CASTRO.

Just torture the hell out of her in the nicest possible way with the WILDEST statements...

[jdots]

6. I hear you,is there a law that requires a nutso neighbore

If it isn't a fundy ,its a nutcase that wants you to get involved in thier soap opera.She sounds like she is beyond reason and clueless.I hope it works out because i have had to move in the past because of things like this happening,but i was renting.

[lady raven]

10. I would have her arrested before I would move!

My house belonged to my great grandparents- It's almost 100 years old and I LOVE it. I would lose all self restraint and have her thrown in jail before I'd move. I'm sorry to hear that you had problems like that. I don't think my nut-bor has any violent tendencies, thank goodness, so I hope she'll just get a clue.

I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt, which unfortunately carries more than its share of loonies.

[flygal]

7. How "Christian" of her

These people are frightening and feel they have been given a mandate to transform all us Heathens! Why can't they just live and let live? I got an email after the election just shoving their "moral victory" in my face. This was from a guy who I have several pictures enjoying some bare breast during Mardi Gras. Hypocrite anyone ?!

Anyways, sorry you have to deal with this horrible woman - good luck to you!

[lady raven]

12. lol

Lovely- Well, my father in law has a super Conservative neighbor who emails him porn! That "morality" thing only applies to us infidels, I guess.

[ThoughtCriminal]

13. Bush has pushed some borderline neurotics over the edge

All fear, all hate, all paranoia all the time. People who used to be able to function are losing it. It's being reinforced and encouraged.

[Bouncy Ball]

14. You need to be really firm with her.

It is possible to be firm without being mean.

Say in a VERY firm voice that you do not welcome any of her efforts to change your church or to pry into your personal business. If she persists, tell her you consider what she is doing to be harrassment and to be forewarned that you do not take harrassment too kindly. I would liberally (LOL) sprinkle all my comments with statements about how you are FREE TO LIVE YOUR LIFE AS YOU CHOOSE IN AMERICA.

If you think she's unbalanced now, just watch her when she knows you won't give her the time of day. I have experience with these people. They either forget about you or flip out. Either way, you HAVE to draw a line.

[Blue Gardener]

20. I agree with Bouncy Ball

You have to put your foot down. She has set the conditions for your relationship, and they are not acceptable. You don't have to be mean about it, just firm. You can be like regular neighbors and talk about anything but religion and politics. If she continues to overstep her bounds, then cut off contact with her. She isn't worth the aggravation.

[Lisa]

15. "dead babies"? Good grief!

Why doesn't she just have done with it, and ask about all the other no-nos which people in our society are not supposed to talk about -- whether you cheat on your spouse, how much you weigh, whether you've taken illegal drugs, how much you earn, etc.

I would be tempted to hand her a questionnaire with those exact questions next time she comes around, and tell her that a person's private medical history is even more sacrosanct (if I may use the term) than that information -- and that I'd sooner have those answers stapled to telephone poles for all to see, than tell her anything so deeply personal.

I guess I'm lucky that our neighborhood fundamentalist is not so indiscreet -- and in fact, she had a fit of remorse upon seeing the Canadian news footage of burned Iraqi children last year, so much that she went door-to-door collecting blankets and first aid supplies to ship to Baghdad. Quite sane, compared to your neighbor, it sounds like.

From what you mentioned, it sounds like your other neighbors don't approve of her Ashcroft-esque surveillance activities. (If they did, they wouldn't have mentioned her attempts to milk them for gossip about you.) Are any other long-time residents sympathetic to you? I wouldn't be surprised if she has an eye on some other perceived "offender" as well. Especially for people convinced they've got a holy mission to eliminate sin, it would be difficult to stop with just ONE target!

The reason I ask is, these kinds of things are easier to cope with if you have allies. (Or at the very least, there's someone else who knows what you're going through.) On our street, there's a guy who has an ill-tempered dog, and although a number of people are scared or just don't care, enough of us have banded together that he knows he has to keep his pet supervised, or we'll kick up a fuss. Unless they are too far gone to even live in the community, the thought of being labelled a wrongdoer can be a deterrent. The fact that it's YOUR turf is an advantage -- and as you said earlier, why should you have to move, or change just to please her?

[Skittles]

16. KICK HER F***ING ASS

STOP BEING POLITE ALREADY

[jellybelly]

17. why

would she want you to stop going to church?:crazy:

[donheld]

18. Maybe you can teach her what a real liberal is

This woman sounds like she has been filled full of bull about liberals. Maybe you can help this lady see that you are a liberal, but a very nice normal, kind, caring individual. You could maybe help her to get over her fear, and just maybe change her mind/heart about a lot of things. Kill her with kindness.

[blueknight]

19. she is nutty as a shithouse rat,

just TOTALLY ignore her. tell her to stay off your property. if she dont, call the police!

[sbj405]

21. Ask her politely (maybe in writing) to stop bringing you the material, etc

If she does not, call the police. I believe that would be considered harassment. Seek a restraining order if necessary. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but clearly this woman is affecting your quality of life.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

23. Please be careful

You appear to be a good judge of character. But depending on how long you've known her, you may not have seen the full extent of her behavior, which sounds like it's escalating. I agree with others who advise you to lay down the law about inappropriate questions and unwanted advances, and to consider a restraining order if she persists.

As for me, I live in a blue big city where most of my immediate neighbors are liberal and people generally mind their own business. I can't imagine living with a neighbor like yours - you have my sympathy. Good luck, and take care.

[NuttyFluffers]

24. write a book, make money off of it. egg her on, it'll help turn a series.

make a children's book out of it.
"My Nutty Neighbor and Her Exasperating Escapades"
make her out like some sort of freaky cross of Amelia Bedelia and a spider monkey on crack. have the protagonists be you, the liberal christian, a young beatnik single, a 'Leave it to Beaver'/'Doris Day' wiccan family, and a few other charming characters...

if you can't laugh about it, you're gonna explode. and hell, it'd almost be too easy to poke and prod the 'local crazy' to dance for you. heh, you could make the next 'Harry Potter,' you never know.

but that's just me... heh, i'd have probably responded to the "how many dead babies you have..." comment with "you mean in my attic or my basement?" over here it's a little rarer to see such gems of super ego neuroses. id neuroses plenty, but super ego? not so many. those are fun to watch wig-out.

[SheilaT]

25. My suggestion is

to engage her at her level. When she asks you how many dead babies you have, say "None, how many do you have?" When she begs you not to attend your church, pull out brochures from several other churches and ask for her help in deciding which one to attend. When she suggests hers, say in a voice of total horror, "NO! I could never worship in a white building!" or whatever color it is. Something like that that is totally irrelevant to why you'd attend a given church.

In my opinion, bullies like this need to be confronted. If you're polite they only keep after you.

I have an older brother who's a conservative Republican (entirely against his own personal economic self interest which he does not understand) and in many ways has been something of a bully for years. A while back I started standing up to him and pushing back, and he's much more cautious around me any more. But he still bullies our two other sisters, and they think he'll stop if they just ignore him. Ignoring people like that doesn't work. They need their own medicine back.

[hickman1937]

27. The next time she pulls that fundie crap

Tell her that a prayer group at your church is praying for her return to true Christianity. Be very kind about it, and tell her that after every encounter you have with her, the group steps up its prayers so that she may leave her temple of hatred and embrace the true faith. I know its a total lie, but too bad.

[amazona]

28. you can get a restraining order

This is on the border of stalking and I would not assume that she is just going to go away quietly.

[tavalon]

29. Yeah theres this group of certifiable nutjobs living on Pennsylvania Ave

They have a lot of yes men hanging around with them too.

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[FizzFuzz]

31. intrusive nuts rely on our politeness--it prevents us from setting limits.

Its really kinder to draw a boundary; kinder to you (Hey, being Christian doesn't mean permitting people to walk all over you), and kinder to her. Enabling her like this only teaches her that her behavior is OK. Maybe your Christ consciousness is trying to tell you something.

I disagree with teachings that call for people to stuff legitimate responses. How can you express your wisdom and compassion if you are letting yourself be hurt, and letting her continue in behaviors that are destructive?

Simple confrontative discipline, like you would do with a small child --"How rude you are!", "You are yelling at me, and I don't like it", "You are over the line and I want it to stop.", "You are saying ugly things to me. Don't ever talk to me this way again."
Then, if she tries to say anything more after a simple warning like this, tell her in simple words that you will report her to the police if she does this again. If you do have to make this threat, make sure you are ready to act on it.

Do NOT engage in conversation with her--she is not capable of dialogue. Engaging only encourages her in her delusion that she can "convert" you. Employ the broken record strategy: repeat your preferred simple message and clearly state consequences (consequences you have to be willing to enforce).

I like this approach because I don't have to come up with witty responses while I'm in the middle of being shocked. Maybe it will help you too.

Anyway, this is stuff that has worked for me, learned from studying up on assertiveness and dealing with bullies and intrusive, insane people. You can search topics like "bullies" and "assertiveness training" on Google too, to find more advice on protecting yourself.

Hope this was helpful. Good luck!!

[NMDemDist2]

33. agreed n/t

[nini]

32. Tell her to leave you the hell alone

It's simple. Quit being nice to her. There's no reason to be nice to someone like that. You do not need her in your life in any way.

Tell her to quit pushing her views, literature or anything on you.

Then follow up with telling her you will notify the police if she doesn't quit harassing you - and do it.


Being liberal does not mean we have to be nice to these kind of poeple. Stand up for your right to not have to deal with her.

[LeftyMom]

34. I had a neighbor like that

I complained and called the cops a lot (this lady was also a really loud belligerent alcoholic, adding to her other charms.)

Is she renting? If she is, complain to her landlord. The landlord has an obligation to get rid of her if she's disturbing her neighbors and won't stop. (At least, that's the rule in this state.)