rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:26 PM
Original message |
I did something HORRIBLE over Christmas weekend and it's eating me up. |
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Hubby, baby and I spent the night at his parents' house. At about 3 am Sunday Morning I got up to go to the bathroom. I went, I flushed, I washed my hands, I reached for a towel and my hand hit something, and I heard a little splash and a terrible noise. I had knocked my deodorant into the still-flushing toilet and it went down.
I got the plunger and tried to plunge it out, but it wouldn't come up.
I thought about what to do. Do I wake up my husband, who never gets any sleep because we're new parents? Do I wake up my father-in-law, a gigantic, grumpy man who has to get up at 6 am for a 10-hour flight?
I tried the plunger again. Nothing. So I flushed the toilet again to see what would happen. The water went down.
Then I thought, am I really sure it was my deodorant I knocked into the toilet? I'm tired. It's dark. It could have been anything. It could have been something small that just went through. I really have no idea what happened. Maybe, nothing happened at all. And I went back to bed.
When my husband got up in the morning to use the bathroom, my heart was in my throat. But he flushed and all was well. We went downstairs for breakfast.
Then we heard, "Fuck! Oh my God! Fucking Damn! Ahhhh!"
The toilet back up on my husband's little brother. He spent about an hour plunging the toilet and cleaning it up. But never said anything about a deodorant.
I just kept my mouth shut while Uncle Walter joked about the football he must have passed in order to cause such a terrible clog.
As we were packing to leave, I just casually mentioned not being able to find my deodorant.
I am EVIL!!!!! I am the root of all EVIL!!!!! I am a DECEIVER! I am so BAD!
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WI_DEM
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:28 PM
Response to Original message |
1. Now that you have confessed, do you feel better? |
rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:29 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
4. I feel a little better. |
La Lioness Priyanka
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:29 PM
Response to Original message |
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i too had to unclog a toilet yesterday...eeww
and yes you are evil! :silly:
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:30 PM
Response to Reply #2 |
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But I'm not willing to confess to the family. Not at all!
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ET Awful
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:29 PM
Response to Original message |
3. As penance, I order you to buy 100 sticks of deodorant for the homeless |
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Now go forth and sin no more :)
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:30 PM
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ET Awful
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:32 PM
Response to Reply #8 |
11. No, but that's where I got the idea :) n/t |
kittycat1164
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:29 PM
Response to Original message |
5. LOL I wouldna said a damn thing either! n/t |
rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:31 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
9. I'm glad I'm not alone. |
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Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.
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gollygee
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:30 PM
Response to Original message |
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Sorry but that's a pretty funny story! :)
But you must have felt pretty bad while in the midst of it!
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:32 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
10. The whole time my baby was looking at me... |
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...with this strange look on his face, and I thought, he knows!
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iconoclastic cat
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:45 PM
Response to Reply #10 |
15. He does, and he is keeping a file. |
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Luckily, it's in crayon and even he can't read it.
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HEAVYHEART
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:33 PM
Response to Original message |
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I love it! Funny story.. :D
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:33 PM
Response to Reply #12 |
13. It will get back to them someday... |
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...as an urban legend! ;-)
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iconoclastic cat
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:42 PM
Response to Original message |
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THIS is why I look forward to your posts!
rbnyc, you really must think about submitting something like this to one of NYC's fine pulp lit magazines (Literal Latte or something). You have the ability to describe events in a fresh, clear, visceral way that just pulls the reader right into your world--I'm thinking specifically of your "I will be opened up like a can of sardines tomorrow" post, which also had me on the floor. In my opinion, your narrative style lies somewhere between David Sedaris and Cintra Wilson. (That's a compliment.)
I know that time is a precious commodity for new parents, but I really think that you should share your words with the world.
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:45 PM
Response to Reply #14 |
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I was a creative writing major in college. But now all I write is Lounge posts and grant proposals. ;-)
I would like to put something together someday, tho. Thanks for the VERY encouraging words.
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iconoclastic cat
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:53 PM
Response to Reply #16 |
22. HA! Another CW major. I should've known. |
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Ah, yes. After I finished my MFA in Creative Writing, I discovered very quickly that the most practical use for my transcript was as a litter box liner.
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HEAVYHEART
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:50 PM
Response to Reply #14 |
19. I agree with this post. |
rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:40 PM
Response to Reply #19 |
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Maybe we should all contribute our 10 favorite posts and do a best of the lounge coffee table book.
:)
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Beer Snob-50
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:46 PM
Response to Original message |
17. You are an evil, evil person!!! |
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I spent part of christmas eve unclogging the toilet at my house when my son clogged it (a regular occurance) 27 people in my kitchen and me upstairs unclogging the toilet! btw, i washed my hands before I finished cooking dinner.
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:49 PM
Response to Reply #17 |
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I'm sorry!
But somehow, when I say I'm sorry, I feel like that little girl in The Ring. :evilgrin:
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Beer Snob-50
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:53 PM
Response to Reply #18 |
20. if you were my daughter or wife, |
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you would probably get a good spanking for your efforts!!!:spank:
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:38 PM
Response to Reply #20 |
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THAT just makes me want to do it again!
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Beer Snob-50
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:40 PM
Response to Reply #24 |
27. i am available for spankings |
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both bare butt and otherwise.
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frictionlessO
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:53 PM
Response to Original message |
21. You are cute and sweet and nice and kind, and made a goof up! |
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Seems like everytime I visit with any family and sleepover at their places, I do things like this. Its always something!!
If soemone did find your deodorant, it was kind of them not to bring it up... mayeb an extra special xmas present is in order next year... to alleviate the guilt a bit.
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:39 PM
Response to Reply #21 |
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Maybe I'll tell them next year.
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THUNDER HANDS
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Mon Dec-27-04 01:57 PM
Response to Original message |
23. awww man, I thought you were going to end the story |
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"...and when we woke up the next morning the baby was gone."
:D
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rbnyc
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:40 PM
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bleedingheart
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:42 PM
Response to Original message |
29. I have the honor of clogging toilets at all of my in-law's houses |
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so don't feel ashamed...
My husband jokes about it still.... I can't stop laughing as I think of each story....hahahah
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jellybelly
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:44 PM
Response to Original message |
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you should've said something about the deodorant. It wouldn't have been a big deal to get a plumber to come out the next morning. So evil...:P
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bettyellen
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:48 PM
Response to Original message |
31. so pay for the plummer. or at least offer to!! |
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when they find the depodarant, they'll connect it to you anyway.
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JVS
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Mon Dec-27-04 03:51 PM
Response to Original message |
32. You should do something very nice for those people |
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