Why can't my house stay clean?

[Not_Giving_Up]

I spend my weekends doing nothing but cleaning and trying to catch up on sleep. I have two kids, three if you count my husband, three cats, a parakeet, and a cage full of ever breeding finches. I vacuum darn near daily to keep up with feathers, bird seed, and cat hair. Every time I look at the kitchen there are a million dishes, seems I'm the only one who knows how to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. Of course, we've only had the dishwasher since September (my parents got it for me for my birthday), before that, the dishes were unbelievable. Laundry consumes my life. Where do all of these dishes and clothes come from? Do I have a poltergeist that messes up my house?

[ZenLefty]

1. I think you answered your own question.

2 kids.
Three if you count your husband, and we do.
Three cats, whose purpose in life is to cover the Earth with cat hair.
Parakeets. Finches.

Yep. I think you pretty much defined the problem there.

Do you have hardwood floors or carpet? Wood floors are easier to keep clean. Can you get a second dishwasher to help out with the load? Can you train the husband to help with the laundry? Are the kids old enough for some little chores here and there?

[Not_Giving_Up]

3. Let's see here...

All of the cats are short haired and brushed on a regular basis. I'm not bitching about the cat hair so much as the rest of it.

I have carpet, tile in the kitchen and bathrooms.

No, can't get a second dishwasher...the one I got is a portable, sits in the middle of an already small kitchen, hooks up to the only kitchen sink.

The kids are 11 and almost 9. On Saturday, I declare cleaning day. I want all the clothes that you've been walking on to make it to the hamper. I want everything picked up so I can vacuum in there. Anything not picked up becomes mine until I decide I don't want it anymore. They put away their own clothes, I hang the school uniforms up for them, since the drawers look like tornadoes have ripped through them.

Husband doesn't lift a finger, but feels free to bitch when he runs out of socks or underwear because I haven't made it to that load yet. In any given week, I do about 15 loads of laundry...and I have a super capacity machine.

[prolesunited]

7. Why does your husband feel it's not necessary to lift a finger?

And why do you allow that?

[Not_Giving_Up]

10. He has issues

Really...he's bi-polar and won't take meds.

I will admit that when he's manic, he goes on organizing sprees. The only problem with that is that if it doesn't belong to him, he just throws it in a pile, and then tells me to go through it.

[prolesunited]

25. Sounds like you have bigger issues

than keeping your house clean. My brother was bipolar and refused to take his meds. It did *not* have a good outcome. Make sure you keep you and your children safe.

[Not_Giving_Up]

29. Yeah, I know

This was discussed at length in another thread just yesterday.

Thanks!

[prolesunited]

30. Well, remember your screen name

and know that you have plenty of people here to support you if you decide to make any changes.

[Not_Giving_Up]

31. Making changes was the whole thing yesterday

I didn't start the thread, but damn, I was in the thick of it for a while...it's still running.

[ZenLefty]

9. And that's why your house can't stay clean.

Let me know if I can answer any more questions. :+

At least the kids are getting old enough they can start to help out a bit. It's not exactly Merry Maids, but it's something.

[mcscajun]

13. The kids are 11 and 9? Old enough to start learning...

...how to do their own laundry. Hell, they've got to learn all the domestic chores sometime.

[Patiod]

16. Saturday was always cleaning day when I was a kid

Cleaned own room, including mopping the hardwood floor & doing the windows twice a year, folded and put away own clothes, cleaned the bathroom my brother and I shared, vacuumed, etc.

Plus "girl's" yardwork in the summer (weeding, edge clipping) -- which mysteriously expanded into "all" yardwork when my brother moved out.

Hated it then, but now I've morphed into one of those crotchedty old people who say "in my day, kids had to contribute around the house"

My friends' kids do NOTHING around the house

[Not_Giving_Up]

20. I was raised that you live in the house, you help keep it clean

Of course, that didn't apply to my mom. By the time I was eight, I was doing all of the housework while she sat on her ass, or left me home with my little brother.

A couple of weeks ago, my son wanted a friend to spend the night. Trash needed to be taken out, and I told him to give me a hand, there was a little too much for me to carry all the way to the dumpster with my back in the shape that it was in. He responded "NO! It stinks!", so his friend didn't spend the night. he threw a tantrum that any two year old would be proud of, telling me that because his friend couldn't spend the night, he was never doing anything for me again.

Of course, after he calmed down, all was well, and he pretty much does what I ask of him.

[Not_Giving_Up]

8. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention

With the three cats comes two litter boxes. It was three, but I was just tired of cleaning three boxes. So, daily, I scoop both boxes, then I have to haul the trash out to the dumpster because no one else will.

[jedicord]

2. Are you me? n/t

[Not_Giving_Up]

4. I don't know

I might be....Are you me?

[jedicord]

14. Whew! I was feeling a bit schizophrenic 'til I realized

that I only have one kid (not counting my husband), 4 cats, a dog and a parrot.

Reading your post, though, is like looking in a mirror!

[Debi]

5. No you have

a husband and two kids that are very used to you picking up after them!

Our house is the same except my hubby and I take turns on not doing the housework (aka being lazy).

One of us sits on their ass all weekend while the other cleans up.

I do little stuff (load of dishes/load of laundry/vacume one room) during the week.

We're a pretty good team at letting the other relax.

Any chance at your family pitching in?

[Not_Giving_Up]

6. I've gone on strike

Just flat out refused to do much of anything (yes, I make sure that everyone eats), but other than that, I refuse to clean. It just piles up and gets really nasty. Then husband starts complaining about what a mess the place is in, and I remind him that there is nothing physically wrong with him that would prevent him from lifting a finger. I still end up cleaning it all myself.

[Debi]

11. I guess

whistle while you work...until you figure out a plan.

My ex was like that...since he 'worked' and I stayed home w/our son I needed to clean up after his ass all the time. He refused and complained if it wasn't perfect. I got REALLY resentful.

My current hubby goes in spurts, so I don't get mad. He'll cook, clean, mow the lawn some weeks and then some nada....But if I find a good book or something good on TV, I'm gone and wear the dirty clothes.

And $$ for a cleaning person? Or friends that would exchange a nice meal for some cleaning help?

[Not_Giving_Up]

12. No, there's no $$ for a cleaning person

Besides, Mr. Paranoid doesn't like people he doesn't know coming in the house, let alone cleaning it. He flipped when I told him we were getting an in-home trainer from the school district for our Aspie son. Too bad buddy, the kid needs it!

[sniffa]

15. get yourseLf a gimp

they'LL cLean for free.

[Debi]

33. Husband was nervous when Home Health Aides

came in our home early in our marriage (spina bifida child - HHA's do pt-help w/homework and bathtime)

He didn't like having another person in our home...like we had to 'behave' or something. Now he likes it cuz it's like having one more kid and we get to be parents instead of just caregivers. (Plus it affords us some alone time as well).

We tried it w/out for the first three months of our marriage and almost didn't make it to the fourth!!!

[Not_Giving_Up]

35. Well, she's supposed to come every weekend, but

I told her about a very nasty episode that he (the child) had, and then she had several reasons why she couldn't come. She's required to come at least twice a month.

[Debi]

40. Isn't that her job?

Do you work through an agency? Maybe a different person is needed.

My son's HHA's could do light housekeeping, but the only think I ask of them is to clean up the dishes they use to make supper (I ask them so make a meal so that they can sit and eat w/my son - college kids don't seem to mind this :) )

The more I think about this, the only ones not doing their share are our dogs...why do they need to have their chewies all over the house...why can they find them in the pile under the coffee table, but never put them back when they're done? Hmmm

[Not_Giving_Up]

42. Well....

She's from the school district. His ARD says she HAS to come at least twice a month. She's not an HHA, she's an in-home trainer, so I guess it's different. She spends a whopping hour with him.

[mcscajun]

22. Hmmm...I'm suddenly thinking about those news articles

you see from time to time...where Mom gets out a lawn chair, a beverage, a good book, and a "Mom On Strike" sign and sits outside for days on end until the reporters show up. :)

Sounds like a plan to me.

[C.C.D.]

17. 11 & 9? Time to assign ONE plate/cup/silverware to each person (m)

in the house. If its dirty, they wash it or eat off it dirty. Put all other tableware in a box in the garage, not to return until the other residents of the home learn how to load the ding-dang dishwasher!

Repeat above for towels. Two towels and 1 washcloth per person is enough. 15 loads of laundry a week is INSANE.

Children CAN do chores. They SHOULD help take care of the home they live in. DH should too, of course, but it is so much easier to teach children.

You have to put your foot down or you will end up with teenagers who disrespect the house!!

[Not_Giving_Up]

18. My kids do some chores

They are responsible for their rooms

My 11 year old is an Aspie, so getting him to do some things is just impossible. He's really sensitive to smells and touches.

He is responsible for feeding and watering the cats

He helps with the trash (but only if it's not smelly)

They both know not to leave shoes, coats, articles of clothing, backpacks, whatever in the living room...your shit, your room.

We don't have much of a yard...a strip of grass between two trailers. Husband mows when he must. With my allergies, we have no flowers to weed.

[C.C.D.]

21. Could one of the kids do the vacuuming? (m)

I have a 3yo who loves to vac so much...I got her a child sized bissel and she vacs all the hard floors with it. She does a fine job.

[Not_Giving_Up]

27. The big one does his own room

My daughter on the other hand...She stashes shit...crazy stuff, little pieces of paper, rocks, chewed up pencils, whatever. So, when I call room cleaning time, she has the opportunity to get rid of the stashes on her own. Then, I have to go through and check in and behind each amd every dresser drawer, under and behind the dresser itself, the closet, everywhere. As long as I'm there, I go ahead and vacuum.

Yes, I have to do this...I once found a sucker stuck to the wall behind her dresser...EWWWW!

[radwriter0555]

38. The kids rooms are the least important chores. How they keep their rooms

is up to them, but how they keep the rest of the house IS up to you... You really must be more assertive here, and either go on strike and move out, or demand they assist you in keeping this house.

[Lindsay]

19. I had a do-everything-for-everybody mom

who would periodically get furious because nobody helped around the house.

From that perspective, may I make a suggestion? In a calm moment, talk to your kids about why you need them to help and what you want them to do. And work with them, at least at first. Show them what picking up their clothes really means, and how to separate laundry, and how to rinse the dishes and stack them in the dishwasher. Make it a team experience.

It sounds like you're really overwhelmed...and the kids may be picking up on that. Or else they see their father doing nothing to help and figure they don't need to help either. Either way, talking it through will probably go down better than your giving orders.

PS If you find a cure for the cat hair problem, let me know. I have only one cat, but how he can shed so much hair and not be totally bald is one of life's enduring mysteries to me. (Of course, it doesn't help that he hates being brushed.)

[radwriter0555]

39. The kids are plenty old enough to do their own laundry. It's time for mom

to stop with that chore too.

Mom can do her own laundry, let everyone else fend for themselves. When everyone leaves their clothes draped all over the house, the clothes get tossed in the kid's room and the door gets closed.

[gardenista]

23. If your husband is too "paranoid" to have somebody in to clean the house

it seems to me that it's a great motivator for getting him to pitch in. Tell him that if he doesn't help for X number of hours on Saturday, you will have a cleaning service in on Monday. Simple.

You are getting pushed around. But then, you knew that.

[Not_Giving_Up]

24. We can't afford a cleaning service anyway

When I started this, it was meant to gather ideas on the magical appearances of dishes and dirty clothes. Damn!

[ZenLefty]

26. Dirty dishes come from dwarves.

Clothes are usually soiled by gnomes or sprites. The poltergeists are the ones that scare the cats into pooping outside the box.

[Not_Giving_Up]

28. Dwarves, Gnomes, and Sprites!

My cats don't poop outside of the boxes, so I guess I'm poltergeist free!

We do have a kid named "Not Me". Never seen this kid, but he does quite a bit. Not Me puts the milk jug back empty, leaves empty cups in the fridge, breaks things, you name it.

I saw a Family Circus one time where the mom was asking who broke something and the kids were all saying "Not Me!", and around the corner was this little boy wearing a shirt that said "Not Me"...I loved it!

[proud2BlibKansan]

41. A teacher I worked with used to

keep grades for 'Not Me'. She recorded all the papers that had no name on them. Some quarters, Not Me got the best grades in the class.

[hickman1937]

32. I understand your frustration

Laundry and dishes were my worst nightmares. Plus you're working 3 jobs(housekeeper, childraiser, and outside job) under stressful conditions. I don't have a magic wand for you, I wish I did. One thing that did work for me was to bag up and give away a lot of my kids clothing. I always thought they didn't have enough, till I cleaned closets. Teach the kids to rinse their dishes immediatly too. Cuts down on loading time for the dishwasher.

[gardenista]

36. Well, I wish you the best of luck.

But unless you stand up for yourself, your family will continue to run you over. Those dishes and dirty clothes are coming from a family that doesn't appreciate all you do for them.

[Goathead]

34. How about this?

I plan meals around how many dishes I think I might get dirty, trying to use the least amount of dishes in preparation for the meal. So that I won't have a huge mess to clean up after I cook. How is that for anal retentive?

[Not_Giving_Up]

43. I do that too

The thing is, the kids will use a cup once, not rinse it out, leave that little bit of milk in the bottom of the cup, and sit it on the counter. The next time they want a drink, it's EWWW, and they get a new cup...So between the two of them, they've used 12 cups in two days. Why???? My husband doesn't watch what they're doing, he has no idea they're using a new cup every time. Stupid shit like that.

[radwriter0555]

37. Uh you have 3 other people who live in your house. THEY can definitely

do their share of the chores.

No one can take advantage of you unless you let them... no offense.

I tell my daughter what chores she's doing and when they need to be done. It's just what's expected.

I also have a housekeeper who comes in every other week or so, depending on the level of traffic and my schedule. Without her, I would perish.

That $120 - $240 per month for clean floors, bedding changes and general cleaing is nothing short of a miracle.