A Public Service Message For Women

[Baclava]

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire hanger long after hypothermia has set in. I will win.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer as a form of Holy Communion.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries
at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my
hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The answer is always either sex, computers, or football. (But mostly just sex). I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male

[demnan]

1. In spite of the fact that I never married

I do like the strange creature called the Male.

[Debi]

2. I think I'm in love with you

You are so manly :loveya:

[Baclava]

3. I'm sure that'll end...

...the first time I call you "Muffin"...

[Debi]

6. Just call me 'hey you...bring me a beer'

and I will be by your side forevermore (except when you are at the bowling alley with the boys, of course):loveya:

[Baclava]

12. I hate bowling...

...mostly because I suck at it...and I would rather hang out in dark, smoky bars with the ladies that throw darts anyway...much cooler...

[Debi]

13. Okay honey

and I'll have supper ready for you whenever you get home (and I'll try to get the lipstick stains out of your shirts on laundry day). Sigh,,,

[Baclava]

17. Screw all that...

Let's go on a cruise to Mexico...I'm buying...

[Debi]

22. Okay, but I have to ask my husband if I can go first...

I did tell you I was married, right?:grouphug:

Won't be a problem will it? :hug:

[Baclava]

27. I have no problem with sharing...

I Promise to bring you back in one piece...

[Debi]

28. You said piece...

is that sweet talkin or WHAT? :loveya:

[Baclava]

29. Foiled again.

Must be my forked tongue.

[redqueen]

4. THIS IS SEXIST!

:grr:

[Baclava]

7. And a lack of humor...

...is what keeps the world dark.

[redqueen]

10. I'm kidding

sorry... shoulda put a ;) in there...

You must've missed previous flamewars about telling 'sexist jokes'... this one ain't a flamewar, though, because of the double standard that sexist jokes that rag women are bad bad BAD, but sexist jokes that rag men are okily dokily!

Post something like this, but with women as the subject, and sit back and watch the fireworks!

[Baclava]

11. Dammit...

I thrive on condemnation...

[Kire]

51. "Post something like this, but with women as the subject,

and sit back and watch the fireworks!"

and then try to say,

""Post something like this, but with men as the subject" and you will get tombstoned.

/not sarcastic/

[Debi]

8. Yes, but at least I don't have to wear makeup

;)

[jukes]

23. not objectionable

poking fun @ ourselves is OK, demeaning the *opposite* sex is uncouth on a progressive board.

subtle, but stick around; you'll get it eventually.;)

none of the above applies to jukes, though. i'm handy as they come, hate football, don't drink beer, am a pretty good cook & do my own shopping, like to suggest accesories to paramours, and get upset when the cats hide the remote so i jump up & change the channel. &, oh, have not the SLIGHTEST problem adding tampax to my shopping cart, but it is difficult to find the unscented super among the plethora of flavors available.

[redqueen]

30. So

Only girls can post sexist jokes about girls, and only boys can post sexist stuff about boys?

:shrug:

[jukes]

36. see

it isn't that hard afterall!

those that belong to a group that has historically oppressed another group shd be sensitive to the feelings of the victim's.

victim's of prior oppression shd not retaliate spitefully on those trying to redress the wrongs.

all it takes is a little empathy...

BTW, are you going to hold onto your grudge forever?

[redqueen]

43. What grudge?

I just don't get the bit about who can tell what jokes.

So... since men *aren't* 'victims', then girls can tell guy jokes?

[TXlib]

48. Then post the opposing viewpoint!

[silverlib]

5. Listed below is everything I think a woman needs to understand a man

[October]

9. Thankfully, you don't speak for "all" men

[Baclava]

16. Sorry...

I would have answered sooner but these blisters on my knuckles slow my typing...

[October]

50. LOL

[pdx_prog]

14. I guess I am not a man's man then.....

I can't remember ever locking my keys in my car..

I do know quite a bit about engines....it's fairly easy when you use logic to figure out what is wrong with them...

I do like to shop......I don't purchase feminine products unless there is a woman present though...

I would rather call a repair men to fix anything..

I rarely get to control the remote around my house..

My mind is full of ideas and thoughts all of the time, but yes....sex is predominant...:)

I like most all movies...

I love the way women dress.....especially shoes....they are mucho sexy....:)

Other than that, I still enjoy fart jokes and such immensly...

[Baclava]

15. ????????????

"I rarely get to control the remote around my house..."

My Gawd!...have you no respect for your chromosomes?

[pdx_prog]

34. I know.....sad...:(

I have a 10 year old son, a 14 year old daughter and a gf with a controller type personality at home...:(

[Sunny_Sunshine]

32. My kind of man

I have a pair of 5 inch stilettos, I can't walk in them, I can barely stand, but all I have to say is "Honey, what do you think of my shoes" and I'm no longer standing.

[pdx_prog]

35. I know...

My gf came over last night....put on a new pair of black sling back wing tips with pointed toes and I about went through the roof....lol

When I woke up this morning she was in my kitchen with only one of my blue pin striped button down oxford shirts and them SHOES on!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. so what you're saying is: because you are a man...

you are dumber than rock?

[Baclava]

19. Define "rock"

Crystals could be considered rocks.

Smart crystals: supramolecular and magnetic isotope control of radical-radical reactions in zeolites.

The chemistry of radicals adsorbed on zeolites is remarkable in that the products of radical-radical reactions, which are nonselective in solution, can be made selective and can be controlled by supramolecular effects and magnetic isotope effects. The photolysis of ketones adsorbed on zeolites can be manipulated so that either primary or secondary radicals produced by photolysis can be directed to selected radical-radical reactions which are unknown in solution.

So, rocks can be smart...just sayin'...

[JVS]

20. The stuff described above isn't dumb

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. yes it is

[JVS]

26. No it isn't stupid. It is zen-like simplicity

[arcane1]

24. hmm... if this is true...

I am obviously not a man :shrug:

[paula777]

25. Thanks for reminding me why I'm separated !

[Baclava]

31. You're welcome...

If my last wife would've got me one of those $1300 keg-er-a-tors I might have hung around a little longer...

...nah...

Beer is cheap.

[paula777]

33. Your "last" wife? Go through em like 12 packs eh? n/t

[Baclava]

38. It's the barter system...

I trade houses for new wives...

Haven't quite worked out all the bugs yet...

[paula777]

44. Ummmm, wanna get married? I've been looking for a free house

[Baclava]

46. Ackkkkkkkkkkkk!!!

Zee "M" word iz verboten...

[paula777]

47. Great, I meet the 'free house' guy after he's finished giving em away

just my luck

[noshenanigans]

37. You'll get the remote...

when you pry it out of my cold, dead, girly hand.

I paid for my Tivo, I hooked it up to the internet, I finagled a video capture card to it so I can make DVDs... my boyfriend knows he is not allowed to thumbs-up anything without prior approval(to avoid another "Planet of the Apes" incident.) *ahem*

You can mess with me, but mess with my Tivo and the whole bj train comes to a screeching halt.

[Baclava]

40. Oooo Oooo Oooo........you be my hero!

Tivo is the without a doubt the highest point civilization has ever reached in the history of this wretched planet.

I feel vindicated.

[Nikia]

39. My husband isn't like that

I am glad that I didn't marry a stereotypical man.

[Baclava]

41. Replicant!

[Lorien]

49. I've never dated one either

and as a woman I;

Hate shopping

Don't "get" the shoe thing

Never dreamed of my perfect wedding (being married was never high on my list of priorities).

Prefer movies like "Hero" or "Return of the King" over the dreadful disease-of-the-moment weepers shown on channels like "Lifetime"

Prefer not to discuss my feelings (growing up in a family of psychologists probably has something to do with that).

Prefer to pick up the check at dinner (you'd be amazed at how many men HATE that)!

And since certain topics are banned on DU, I won't get into any more, but suffice to say; not all of us wish to conform to the stereotypes put out there by the advertising industry. None of my male friends fit into a Budweiser commercial either, thank goodness!

[madison2000]

42. Because you're a male, do you think the world is your urinal?

:beer: :beer: :beer:

[Baclava]

45. I live a pure life...

...and I always wash my hands after urinalizing...

That means I'm higher up the ladder than 88% of my gender...