4,000 milestone coming up: Jerry Lewis is here for a telethon today!

[MisterP]

Lewis: "Good day and welcome to the 'Help Us Help Mister P to Reach Four Thousand Posts' telethon! I'm Jerry Lewis and the lines are open, so I'll just ask it in your hearts to give response-worthy posts. We'll provide live entertainment and interviews. With us here today is Tim Russert, of NBC. Tim?"
Russert: "I've forgotten my name and I'm not wearing pants. I can only get through this because I'm tanked on sweet, sweet morphine. And sherry."
Lewis: "Dear God...Well, also with us is Mister P's avatar, Cat Stevens, and the Go-Gos, the latter two live by satellite from Guantanamo Bay where they are being held as terrorist enemies of freedom. Before we get started, I'd like to wish everyone a Happy New Year--"
Russert: ")*#_$"
Lewis: "The lines are open, and don't be stingy!"

[MisterP]

1. Lewis: "Come on, people, don't be shy. Ask the panel a question."

*Russert breaks down and sobs tears that smell heavily of sherry. He crawls on hands and knees behind a desk.*

[MisterP]

2. *band plays wildly, showgirls try to block the sight and sound

of Russert vomiting violently and seizing. Avatar shifts from leg to leg to leg to leg, simmering*