Hummer joke for Monday

[joefree1]

On his sixteenth birthday a young Republican receives an expensive Hummer H2. He immediately takes it for a drive around his neighborhood to show off.

Coming to a stop sign, a nice old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny yellow Humvee and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Humvee H2. You're looking at a $50,000.00 dollar modern day urban assault vehicle. I can take this baby on any terrain from city streets full of potholes to the rocky mountains of the great outdoors!"

Sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right, but it sure costs a lot of money! How about showing me what it can do with those little itty-bitty hills over in that vacant lot there.

Feeling the old man's challenge the young Republican immediately punches the gas pedal and heads for the several small dirt hills in the middle of the vacant lot. He's heading for the first dirt hill when he sees the old man following him in his rear view mirror. "That old fart thinks he came keep up with me on his old moped," the young man exclaims, "I'll just give him a little dirt bath." He swerves into the first dirt hill turning it into a mushroom cloud of rocks and dirt.

However as the dust settles he sees the old man ahead of him bouncing through the next couple of dirt hills and bushes. Shocked and chagrined he slams the peddle to the medal and smashes through the hilly terrain in pursuit of the old man. After several seconds of mind numbing gyrations through dirt, rocks, and bushes he sees the old man is behind him but is once again rapidly catching up.

"Couldn't be!" thinks the young repub. "How could a moped outrun a Hummer?!" Throwing all caution to the wind he tries to slam his way through the last and biggest set of dirt hills. However he's gone one hill too many and slams into the base of the biggest hill where the Hummer stops dead, it's front buried up to the windshield in mud and dirt.

Looking about at his now ruined Hummer he suddenly hears Whooooosh and KablaMMM! The young man jumps out to see what the sound is and it is the old man!!! He's slammed into the rear of the Humvee.

He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Omigod! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers in a raspy breath, "Unhook...my suspenders...from your side-view mirror..."


Pinkie salute for the trolls :hi:

[Ilsa]

1. I was watching HGTV late last night for their RV show.

They were looking at super-big, super expensive rv's. This one young family had a $700,000 custom RV. It was pulling a Hummer on the road. The engine in it is a 500+ horsepower (I can't remember the details). I can't remember how many miles per gallon of human blood it got.

[smbolisnch]

3. Saw that...

I was commenting to my husband on how much gas it must take, when they panned out to show they were towing a freaking Hummer!! :puke:

[CottonBear]

4. I saw that too! WTF I thought to myself.

Then, I thought what do these people do for a living that they have that much money? Wow. The fuel bill alone must be HUGE!

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. LOL!

That's good!

[ET Awful]

5. So is the punchline that the old man got his suspenders hooked

or that an H2 actually made it over a hill without getting stuck? :) :) :)

[joefree1]

6. Check out this web site

Welcome to FUH2.com, home of the official Hummer H2 salute. So...why all the fuss? Well, it breaks down like this:



* The H2 is the ultimate poseur vehicle. It has the chassis of a Chevy Tahoe and a body that looks like the original Hummer; i.e. it's a Chevy Tahoe in disguise.

* The H2 is a gas guzzler. Because it has a gross vehicle weight rating over 8500 lbs, the US government does not require it to meet federal fuel efficiency regulations. Hummer isn't even required to publish its fuel economy (owners indicate that they get around 10 mpg for normal use). So while our brothers and sisters are off in the Middle East risking their lives to secure America's fossil fuel future, H2 drivers are pissing away our "spoils of victory" during each trip to the grocery store.

* The H2 is a polluter. Based on G.M.'s optimistic claim that it gets13 mpg, an H2 will produce 3.4 metric tons of carbon emissions in a typical year, nearly double that of G.M.'s Chevrolet Malibu sedan.

* The H2 is a death machine. You'd better hope that you don't collide with an H2 in your economy car. You can kiss your ass goodbye thanks to the H2's massive weight and raised bumpers. Too bad you couldn't afford an urban assault vehicle of your own. Or could you...?

* The H2 is a tax loophole. Under Bush's new tax plan, business owners can deduct the entire cost of their $55,000 H2. If you are in the highest tax bracket, that's a tax savings of nearly $20,000! The government rewards you more savings for buying an H2 than you'd get for buying an electric car.

So, if you see it our way, tell a Hummer owner what you think and show 'em the bird. If you do, send us a picture--we'd love to post it on our site.

--Your friends at FUH2.com

[achtung_circus]

7. Oh. I thought it was a different kind of hummer.

(blush)