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During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Beds have special L-shaped cover sheets, which reach, up to the armpit level on a woman; but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Cars that crash will invariably burst into flames.
Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.
All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
If you are a hero, you never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by your actions.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
A credit card or a paper clip can pick any lock in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
You can tell if somebody is British because he will be wearing a bow tie.
When driving a car, it is normal to look not at the road but rather at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
Taxi drivers don't require exact or even approximate payment - the first bill you pull from your pocket is always correct.
Having a job of any kind will make a father forget his son's eighth birthday.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.
The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
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