What would you do if you thought a neighbor had Alzheimer's?

[BurtWorm]

Catmandu57's thread about the alkie neighbor made me think of a situation in my building, a neighbor who just turned 70, whose wife died a few years ago and whose daughter is off gods knows where in the world, seems pretty clearly to be showing signs of losing his mental acuity. I started noticing it probably a year and a half ago, when every conversation I had with him would get hung up every sentence or two on his inability to recall a very, very common word. The condition of his mind seems to get worse each time I see him.

Just last weekend, he took care of our cats. He had to have everything explained very carefully in a note, though, he's taken care of our cats twice a year, at least, for about three or four years now.

So what should we do? This guy used to be very sharp and hip--except that he voted for Nader in 2000. ;) Now he's sort of a frighteningly doddering old man. I can't imagine saying to him, "Do you ever wonder if you have Alzheimers?" He has no family except for his daughter and a sister, and we don't know where either one is. He seems able to function...

I don't know what to do except wait for some quantum change in his circumstance.

[Maat]

1. Just like there is a local Child Protective Services ...

there is a local Adult Protective Services. If you can't find it, but you can find out what to do to report child abuse, then call Child Protective Services. They will refer you.

[Droopy]

2. Just be his friend, BurtWorm

I don't think there's much else you can do. Check up on him as much as you can. I'd be afraid of broaching the subject of Alzheimers with him, too.

[fairfaxvadem]

check your county assistance listings.

See if they have a department for elderly or senior issues and call them to get some guidance on what you can do.

Does he drive? When we got concerned about our mom and her mental state (which turned out to be early Alzheimers) and driving, we made an "anonymous" call to the DMV, who wrote her a letter telling that they need some certification from a doctor on her fitness to drive since they had been contacted by a concerned person, etc.

I'm not saying you should do this, just using this as an example that the govt agencies have ways of helping family members and neighbors look out for these folks without it being confrontational.

She never drove again after getting that letter, thank goodness.

[ewagner]

3. Family intervention

is a must....either his sister or Daughter have to convince him to go in fro a check-up...if you can contact either of them do so and express your concerns. Once a checkup is complete then a wide range of in-home and self-help services will be available to him......

You have no legal standing to get him in for help...family is the only way.

[BurtWorm]

5. How are you doing, ewagner?

Glad to see you back! :toast:

I just wish I knew how to contact his family. I suspect you're right. I think he's alienated from his daughter, for some reason, but he did see his sister last fall. I'd be surprised if she didn't notice something going on with him. Maybe I can get her number from him.

[ewagner]

10. Thank you

Just went in for my 3000 mile check-up......apparently I'll last another 3000 :)

You know, I forgot...you could ask your neighbor if he's "worried about anything"...if he says that he is, suggest that you accompany him to a check up......might work....maybe...but denial is a BIG BIG BIG part of alzheimers....We've been through it with my Mother-in-law.

[BurtWorm]

15. My grandmother had it, I'm pretty sure, before it was well known

as Alzheimer's. I know that denial you're talking about. If it happens to me--and I wish it wouldn't, thank you very much--I hope someone is around to get me helped.

[commander bunnypants]

4. all good help

social worker here

CB

[commander bunnypants]

6. check under guvt listing

all localities have senior services

Alzhiemeres.org too

CB

[BurtWorm]

14. And you don't need to be a family member to use them?

Or does it depend where you are? I'm in NYC.

[commander bunnypants]

16. you should not

you need assistance. they want to help. These services rely on the community. Remember it takes a community to care for each and everyone. In Va I am a mandated reported for elder abuse. I would get in serious trouble if I did not interevene. You are a concerned citizen, they rely on folks like you, specially if the neighbor is getting sick. Also, if you call APS you dont even need to give your name

CB

[Stephanie]

17. Burtworm - call 311

In my neighborhood there is a storefront Senior Services Center - run by the city. I'm sure 311 can refer you. The center by me is on 7th just south of 14th.

[BurtWorm]

18. Thanks, Stephanie!

Why didn't I think of that? :hi:

[BurtWorm]

19. Dupe

:

[Maddy McCall]

7. Tell him that you need his daughter's and sister's phone numbers...

just in case there is ever an emergency. As a gesture of good will, so that he won't think that you are prying, you can give him a number of one of your relatives, "just in case" he needs to call them if you are involved in an emergency.

Then, perhaps you can consider calling his daughter and asking her if she noticed anything during her last visit. (How often does she visit? Sometimes people closest to Alzheimer's patients are the last to notice--I think it's more denial than anything.)

Anyway, that's how I would handle it. He sounds like a very nice man, and he is lucky to have you for a neighbor.

[BurtWorm]

12. That's an excellent suggestion, jchild!

I mean, Maddy! :hi: Thank you!

[Maddy McCall]

30. You're welcome. Let me add a couple more thoughts.

I wouldn't get social services involved. He's an older man--my father is 73--and the last thing you want to do is take away the elements that, to him, define his masculinity--free choice and independence.

You don't want to force a decision on him. Having social services involved could very well end up that way.

Unless you know for a fact that he is estranged with his family, contacting them would be the best way to go. It sounds like, from what you described, his condition has caused enough concern with you that you want to do something. Calling a family member is not intrusive, considering that you are on friendly terms with him. Calling social services at this point IS intrusive. They guy is able to care for your cats. He's not at the point that he should be placed in a home, but he perhaps is at the point that his daughter should just pay him a visit, to see if SHE needs to take further action.

If it were my father, even though we have had our ups and downs, I would want to know. I would want to be the one contacted first. I would resent someone contacting social services before they contacted me. And I know my father would resent having social services "investigate" a call.

If you decide to give his sister or daughter a call, you are expressing concern, but you aren't intruding on his or his family's rights to make decisions.

Just my .02, from experience. :-)

[BurtWorm]

32. I know what you mean.

See, if he were not functional, this would be a no-brainer (so to speak). But because he does function, it's a bit grayer all around. It's just painful to watch, and I wish I could do something to reverse it, or stop it. But I think trying to get in touch with the familty is the wisest thing to do at this point.

[chookie]

23. Agreed -- this is what "little white lies" are for

Its worth trying a ruse like this to get the info (I did so once -- a friend of mine was being battered by her husband, but didn't want anyone to know -- I used a ruse to get her Mom to give me the current telephone number of her ex-Marine brother, who I called and asked to look into the situation, and act as a deterent to the bully brutalizing her -- it worked perfectly and put an end to her suffering).

But, even if you (BurtWorm) get the info, if the daughter is estranged, she may not welcome your involvement -- a chance I personally would be willing to take, as I did with the case of my battered friend. Also, she might not "get it" right away -- the seriousness of it may take a while to sink in.

If you are unable to get the info, and you feel that contacting a social service agency is in order, perhaps they can contact her.

It sounds like you (BurtW) are doing a great deal, just by keeping an eye on him. You're a good guy.

[BurtWorm]

25. Thanks.

:hi:

[HEAVYHEART]

8. BurtWorm

I think it's so nice of you to worry about your neighbor getting Alzheimer's. Reading this thread warmed my heart. You're a good person. :hug:

[BurtWorm]

11. Thank you!

Gorsh! :insert blushing smiley:

[vpigrad]

9. Stay far away...

Both of my parents had Alzheimers and I dealt with a lot of other people with Alzheimers that were in the same nursing home as them. They were all pretty violent when they got confused. I saw more than a few porters at the nursing home with broken noses, black eyes, etc. from patients that attacked them.

> his inability to recall a very, very common word.

That sounds more like a stroke.

[BurtWorm]

13. That hadn't occurred to me. (That it could be a stroke.)

Interesting. But wouldn't it have either improved or stayed the same? A stroke is a single event. This seems like a state that is deteriorating.

[amazona]

31. he needs medical attention like it or not

He could have pernicious anemia, which has similar symptoms but can be treated with injections of B12. My friend's dad appeared to be developing Alzheimer's but he had this. Unfortunately, you don't get back what you already lost. You can only stop the damage from progressing. The sooner he sees a doctor, the better.

If he does have Alzheimer's, there is nothing to be done that a neighbor can do, but if he has pernicious anemia, you could be saving his mind by getting him tested.

My friend's father had no idea that he was losing his mental capacity. He lost a lot of intelligence but fortunately was stabilized in time to maintain his independence.

As far as stroke, a stroke is not necessarily a single event. A person can have repeated strokes or mini=strokes if the cause is left untreated.

Please don't just assume the man has Alzheimer's and leave him be. He may still have a brain in there that can be saved.

[LeftyMom]

20. Went through this with a coworker

The county process for getting help was very slow in relation to this woman's deterioration but it eventually did a great deal of good. In the meantime her former coworkers (by this point she could no longer work or care for her basic needs) took care of her, which was difficult for all involved as she wasn't very personable to begin with and dementia didn't help matters at all.

If you can find a way to contact the man's family (or if a social worker or his doctor can) hopefully they will help. In the situation I dealt with the woman's children were in town but wanted nothing to do with her. That complicated matters quite a bit.

[BurtWorm]

21. If meanness is a symptom of Alzheimer's, this guy doesn't have it.

He's one of the sweetest, gentlest souls I know.

[brook]

26. It's not always....

and often when it is, it's a temporary phase like sundowning. Calling Adult Protective Services and expressing your concern to a social worker there is really the most effective step you can take. They will contact his family and bring them into the picture.

I work with many kinds of dementia in the elderly. He's a lucky man to have a neighbor like you who not only interacts with him, but cares about him.

[BurtWorm]

27. Well, he's a good guy.

If only he hadn't voted for Nader in 2000! ;)

[LeftyMom]

28. This woman wasn't all that nice to begin with

but she became very paranoid and angry.

[man4allcats]

22. Proceed with caution!

If his family has deserted him, you won't get them to help even if you can find them. Trust me on this one. Also, you don't know for sure that he has Alzheimers (in fact, at present the only definitive diagnosis is post mortem) although from what you say there is certainly reason to suspect it. I would just keep an eye on him. If he can function, let him live independently - at least for now. When the time comes, assisted living may be an option for him if he can afford it. Eventually he may wind up in a nursing home, but I can tell you from long experience that a nursing home should always be a last resort. The U.S. long term care industry has no effective oversight and is very poorly managed. See < http://www.nccnhr.org/uploads/GrassleyLtr0704.pdf
> for the findings of a recent Congressional report on the problem. This PDF file is a July, 2004 letter by Senator Chuck Grassley (forget that he's "one of them") written to CMS (Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services) Administrator Dr. Mark McClellan. The file loads slowly so be patient. If you're interested in knowing what U.S. nursing homes are like today, it is worth the wait for it to load. Bottom line - give the old guy a chance to live independently for as long as he can safely do so before winding up in a nursing home. They're not like they're portrayed in their brochures. Take my word for it.

[BurtWorm]

24. Very good advice.

It's my first instinct to let him go on as is, becuase I may be wrong and I wouldn't want him to get tangled up in the state's machinery for removing "problem" people unless I were certain he actually had a problem. As I say, he is functional enough to come take care of our cats for three days while we're away. Maybe it's not Alzheimer's.

I like the idea of trying to get his family more involved, if I can get their numbers from him.

[vetwife]

29. Ga has a Seniors Program similiar to Children Protective..Give them

a call and just say that you are concerned. When I worked Property management I ran into things like this. Professionals will come out and assess. It should be totally anonoymous as well so your neighbor or his family won't get mad. It is the humane thing to do.