Say something that you're pretty sure has never been said before

[electric-eye]

[RevolutionaryActs]

1. Ziggleybop agnuuuuuuuuuu dweep.

Oh wait, did you want actual words?

[WCGreen]

13. Satchmo said that any number of times......

[CO Liberal]

2. "Michael Jackson is SO Macho!!!!"

:-)

[Skink]

4. Democracy flourishes in the 21st century!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[7th_Sephiroth]

3. Abu Ghraib was not occupied by martian terraformers

BWA HA HA HA HA

[RandomKoolzip]

5. "Justice Scalia is so fuckin' hot."

[complain jane]

14. LOL

[Liberal Veteran]

6. I wanna have a threeway with Joan and Melissa Rivers.

:)

[TheDebbieDee]

7. Maybe there are just too many.....

US airlines in the market for any of them to remain viable.

Then again, maybe not!

[fishwax]

8. So a fish, a triangle, and a laxative walk into a bar

I don't have a punchline yet, though ... suggestions welcome.

[Boswells_Johnson]

9. Ashton Kutcher is an amazing talent!

[Sporadicus]

10. Forty Things Never Said By a Southerner

40 Things Never Said By Southerners

40. Hey, all of you! Come over here!

39. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was real lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrasslin's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

09. Checkmate.

08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

05. I don't have a favorite college team.

04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Daisy.

and the number one thing never said by a Southerner:

01. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

[tridim]

11. I have some delicious sub-atomic Scrapple in my fanny pack

and an avocado yo-yo inside my spleen.

How's that?

[maveric]

12. My pet slug looks like Terry Bradshaw and he is defecating frothy

asparagus seltzer through his flava-straw sphincter.

[Skink]

23. USA Pet slug Tom Brokaw apolagizes for dissing Social Sec........

[WCGreen]

15. Ashley Simpson is gorgeous.....

[complain jane]

16. How about the whole Gola Wolf Richards commercial

[Benhurst]

17. George, you are most brilliant student who has ever

attended Yale. Have you given any thought to going on for a Ph.D.?

[slutticus]

18. Ann Coulter is as beautiful as a flower and as intelligent...

...as a Nobel Prize Laureate.


God. I think my computer is laughing at me.

[Harlequin]

19. Never Said Before: Word Theory

An English Ph.D. friend of mine said that most sentences more than seven words long are original. That said, for safety's sake, longer sentences would weed out copies.

Also, the shorter the sentence, the greater the odds of it being a copy... until you get to the shortest correspondence in the world, between a writer who had wondered how his book was doing and sent his editor the following:


?

and the editor replied:

!


So... I'll submit one I KNOW has never been said before:

Harlequin, my Scorpionic, super-hot billioniare (in Euros), I can't get enough of your red-hot lov... - OH -- before I forget -- could you please be a dear and tell my agent that his favorite starlet, who is none other than me, Lindsay Lohan, needs a day off in order to deeply soul-basque in an experience of your limitless, penetrating gaze of pure consciousness for 2 solid, uninterupted hours each day, and can you also fix me an espresso?

[lib_1138]

20. "Pretty as an airport" nt

[Jamastiene]

21. Did Jesus declare war from the cross?

Or did he ask for forgiveness for his killers?

[Zenlitened]

22. "I really feel that George Bush understands me...

... and shares my concerns as a liberal."

[Shananigans]

24. Sixty-Seven flower pens still had yellow pee after drinking 76 ounces of

brita filtered water.

[Dukkha]

25. "Let's take the Hummer to the soup kitchen"

n/t

[Guaranteed]

45. LOL!! nt

[Dude_CalmDown]

26. Bush Sucks

OK for real:

John Madden is so enlightening - I so completely enjoy his riveting commentary.

There isn't a soul on earth who has even thought that let alone said it.

[Senior citizen]

27. No donation without representation.

[webjamn]

28. Keanu Reeves and Ben Affleck are amazing actors

nt

[Dude_CalmDown]

29. Tom Hanks, Kevin Costner, & Nicholas Cage are also great actors. n/t

*

[personman]

30. pound the nail further into my scrotum

[Javaman]

31. Marshmellow bluefish farts....

[SKKY]

32. Ann Coulter is fucking HOT, HOT, HOT!!!!!

[Skittles]

35. come on, freepers lust after that shemale all the freaking time

:puke:

[meisje]

33. Elton John is straight as an arrow

[qnr]

34. Is that a stegasaurus I just saw pulling into the 7-11?

[Elidor]

36. Jesus Mary Motherfucker

[complain jane]

39. Stepfather's got the market cornered on that one.

[complain jane]

40. I hope that baby keeps screaming in this restaurant through the whole meal

[LoZoccolo]

37. Here's something you never hear EVER...EVER...

As soon as I stick this hot poker in my ass I'm going to chop my dick off!

(OK I stole it from George Carlin so I has been said before. But when he said it on the album and mentioned that that was the first time those words had been strung together, right on that stage, all these people start cheering!)

[TrustingDog]

38. i want your flowering petals, you sweating machine...

meh.

[complain jane]

41. I've cooked his head into a gelatinous mass.

Then again...

[complain jane]

42. Hand me that piano.

::: Channeling George Carlin :::

[bmbmd]

69. or, channeling Johnny Carson...

"Is that the banjo player's Porsche?"

[DS1]

43. I'm gonna fuck you like a sweatshop sewing machine!

You're gonna be left pounded, bleeding and hemmed like you wouldn't believe

[Phentex]

44. Hand over the circus peanuts and no one gets hurt!

[motely36]

46. We'd like to welcome the new head of PFLAG

Mr. Rick Santorum.

[flygal]

47. Wheel of Fortune is a show of such high standard

and that Pat Sajack is sooooo funny

[LynzM]

48. Purple post-it notes filled with erotic green thoughts

:P

[complain jane]

49. The food in this cafeteria is delicious and visually appealing.

[complain jane]

50. I lost 100 pounds eating McDonald's and ice cream cake.

[corksean]

51. Yes dear, actually that dress does make your ass look big.

[complain jane]

52. Please take my taxes and fund an unjust war over oil. Thanks.

[sniffa]

53. for the first time in my Life

i feeL that god is in the white house.

[complain jane]

54. I wish I could marry the goat (Despite the anti-gay-marriage slippery-

slope arguments)

[StopTheMorans]

55. I find GD to be soothing and stress-relieving

[Orsino]

56. "You've Outwitted me This Time, George W. Bush!" n/t

n/t

[complain jane]

57. My friggen fundie step-relatives are so out in orbit somewhere that I

can't even come up with anything praising George Bush that I haven't heard out of him. Really- I've heard he's "going down in history as the GREATEST President who ever LIVED", that we're going to be "celebrating THIS President's birthday as a national holiday with deep respect and admiration for the rest of time", that it's "his destiny to show 'those animals' over the Middle East".

I'm trying so hard. I've got nothing.

[complain jane]

58. "That fun bunch at Free Republic are good people"

[complain jane]

59. "Freepers are hot!"

[complain jane]

70. "This foot-f *ck smoke detector keeps watching me"

Actually, I've heard that. Long story.

[Moloch]

60. Senator Elect Alan Keyes

n/t

[Lerkfish]

61. Never pet a burning dog while taking acid.

[Allenberg]

62. George W. Bush kicked my ass at Trivial Pursuit.

[NewJeffCT]

63. She's terrific, but her breasts are too large

So, I can't marry her.

[Tafiti]

66. Ironically enough...

I, in fact, HAVE heard someone say this - minus the "marry" part. A friend in college HATED big boobs, and would only date girls with small ones. I told him he either had an irrational fear of boobs - maybe some Freudian shit, or he had a perverted obsession with young girls.

[NewJeffCT]

67. The Bush Family has always understood the working man

Yup, Sam, Prescott, George HW and George W... not a drop of blue blood in 'em.

[flvegan]

64. "I don't like sex."

Regardless of gender...

[Cuban_Liberal]

65. Tuna-flavored mung beans. n/t

[NewJeffCT]

68. The Fox Network has really contributed to our culture positively

Hmmm...

[pimpinella]

71. am I censored?

how dirty can it be?

[donheld]

72. Bill Clinton was chaste

the whole time he was in the white house

[Darranar]

73. I'm an ABBer who voted for Bush. n/t

[complain jane]

74. "Let's make sure I won the 2000 and 2004 elections fair and square"

[u4ic]

75. Dubya, you stud, you!!