Not voting is a valid political strategy.

[Bat Boy]

Here's how it works...

Step one: Progressives stop voting, therefore are not counted. We can't all quit right away, or they'll notice. Just a few million each election.

Step two: As conservatives watch the liberal numbers drop at the polls they'll be lulled into a false sense of security. In a few generations they'll start making mistakes. That's when we go to...

Step three: We release Golgotha, an enormous genetically mutated badger we've been breeding and training to eat Republicans for three or four generations. Once Golgotha has destroyed major cities in most of the red states, then we come out of our caves as one mass, millions more than they expected, translucent skinned and bug eyed from lack of light, and we finish them off in the middle of the night.

Step four: Mopping up. We'll have to clear out some of the caves south of the Mason Dixon line. I still haven't figured out how we deal with an enraged Golgotha once his food supply is depleted, but we have time on that one.

I figure about ten years after the revolution we'll be able to elect a president who doesn't think he has Jesus' cell phone number.

But remember folks, it starts with not voting.

[nickgutierrez]

1. One problem with your plan:

How are we going to get our giant mutated badger to actually enjoy the taste of Republican? I mean, I would imagine that giant heaps of shit are rather hard to digest.

[Bat Boy]

3. It's not so much the taste of Republican...

Barbeque. We'll have to baste Republicans while they're sleeping.

I thought that went without saying...

[greatauntoftriplets]

6. But aren't repukes (even barbecued slowly)

tough and tasteless?

[Bat Boy]

9. We'll train Golgotha on jerky.

That way the joke works on several levels.

Plan. Not joke, plan. Sorry.

[greatauntoftriplets]

14. OK. But you get to be the food taster.

:hi:

[Bat Boy]

17. I've already started.

Shit. That's too much information, isn't it...

[greatauntoftriplets]

22. Hmmmm.....

Depends on your exact meaning here..... Pondering that. LMAO.

[Bat Boy]

24. Let's just say you shouldn't look in my crawlspaces.

'Cause there's absolutely nothing there. Got it? Nothing!

[greatauntoftriplets]

27. I am not looking nowhere where I shouldn't go.

O8)

[nickgutierrez]

13. Not all that tough, but certainly tasteless.

[greatauntoftriplets]

23. Definitely no taste.....

:toast: next time we get together.

[nickgutierrez]

26. Uh oh...

There have been so many people threatening/offering on the whole drinking thing... let's just say leaving might be quite difficult. :D

[greatauntoftriplets]

28. Okay, then....

We can toast you.

[Wat_Tyler]

2. You'll have to breed a food chain of giant mutated beasts.

Go with voles - Badgers like them. Cross breed them with Republicans - get him used to the taste.

[jpgray]

4. Voles!? What the fuck are you, Canadian?

Get out of our secret strategy thread. Probably want to emblazon "go Leafs" or something on our mutant badger.

[Wat_Tyler]

12. Look around where you live, Gray - is it freezing? do people like hockey?

WE'RE ALREADY IN CHARGE, DUDE!

(it's just that we're too polite to say)

[jpgray]

21. OMG!

The rabbit hole goes deeper than the Guess Who trojan horse!

[Wat_Tyler]

25. Much deeper - Ryan Reynolds, our Gestapo Chief will be around shortly.

He has ways, you know.

[Bat Boy]

5. Excellent idea!

But I think they may already be on to that one. The Florida Salt Marsh Vole is already on the endangered species list.

This shit always starts in Florida, doesn't it?

http://www.enature.com/fieldguide/showSpeciesSH.asp?curGroupID=5&shapeID=1037&curPageNum=15&recnum=MA0078

[nickgutierrez]

7. DAMMIT! You're onto me. n/t

[Wat_Tyler]

15. Always - Jeb Bush, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Going out, after work is done at the Gubernatorial Mansion, sneaking about in camouflage, throttling voles - that shit just ain't right, Jebbie.

[Bat Boy]

16. Oh, that's what he means by "throttling the vole..."

I thought he...

Boy, was I off base.

Well, shame on him no matter how he meant it.

[Wat_Tyler]

18. Well at least it keeps him from his frottage for a couple of extra hours.

There's always a bright side.

[truthseeker1]

8. Wow, you should be writing screenplays

[Bat Boy]

10. Screenplays....

...or policy?

[noamnety]

11. I'm on board with this

We need a system for deciding who drops out of the voting when, so we don't all do it at once.

My thought is we can we have smaller super smart badgers issued to local dem offices that volunteers can take house to house prior to election day, that will select one person from each household based on smell.

[Bat Boy]

19. Excellent!

It's completely arbitrary, and it will get our people used to badgers.

[Radical Activist]

20. I'm just waiting for when the revolution comes man

and golgatha. That's key, golgatha.

[Fiona]

29. I see a few problems...

first, how do we create Golgotha? Presumably the lefties with us include a sizable proportion of PETA members. It could take us 4, maybe 5 badgers to irradiate before we come up with the right dosage.

Then, if we DO succeed in irradiating a badger to develop the proper Republican-eating properties, we'll have to feed him until we're ready to unleash the plot. That means feeding DLC members to him (would Peta object?) until the right time.

Anyway... while we're fingering (figuratively, that is) the appropriate DLC appetizers, I see yet another inter-necine war break out between the cave-dwelling dems. Do we start with the Free-Traders or the Fiscal Conservatives?

This could lead to a breakaway faction that sneaks off to develop a giant, irradiated hamster to eat the remaining DLCers.

Then, we're stuck with Golgotha AND Heinrich, the irradiated Hamster to deal with after the revolution.

I have reservations.

[Bat Boy]

30. Fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!

You're what's wrong with the world, you know that? A damn good plan and you have to go poking holes in it. It works perfectly if you ignore all those .... things you mentioned.

You're first up against the badger, come the revolution, missy. And don't look to me for help when a Golgotha prototype is gnawing its way up your midsection.

Goddamn realists, destroying all that's good in the world...

[Radical Activist]

37. You are too fucking funny

Too bad this was moved to the lounge. You make a good point with satire.

[noamnety]

31. PETA will be a huge problem

They will insist on Golgotha being free-range. Satellites may pick up his image, and we'll lose the element of surprise.

[bling bling]

32. Yeah, we should all become "undecided voters."

Then maybe the Democrats will start pandering to us again and we can win an election. But, I doubt it. The Democrats don't care about democrats anymore. The Democrats are Coke. Repubs are Pepsi. Same thing, different label.

I have lost all but a speck of hope for the Democrats.

[Bat Boy]

33. I see only one flaw in your plan...

Where's the badger?

For god's sake people, how can I get this through to you...

None of this will work without a mutant badger!

[noamnety]

34. he was speaking in code

Go back and reread the message. Dems are coke. Repubs are pepsi. There's the key to teaching the badger to tell the difference.

Years and years of blind taste tests, followed by a pepsi-based BBQ sauce.

[Taxloss]

35. ROFLMAO

Thank you

[ZombieNixon]

36. LOL, OMG that's effin' HILarious.

I'm going to draw a comic or write a story about that now. That's too great!

[Bouncy Ball]

38. I think I pulled something.

[Bat Boy]

39. Your personal habits are off topic....

Unless you were watching a documentary on badgers.

I've done that, too. Don't feel ashamed.

[Bat Boy]

40. Moved me to the Lounge, did you?

Mods didn't think this was serious enough for GD, huh? Can't bring up mutant badgers in General Discussion, can we?

Just remember, they laughed at Einstein when he opened his bagel shop.

You just remember that.

[Fiona]

45. Remember

First they laugh at you, then they're usually proven right.

- Gandhi's brother-in-law

[Bat Boy]

46. As long as they don't point.

I fuckin' hate when they point!

[prolesunited]

41. Wow!

You should write comedy or something. ;-)

[Bat Boy]

42. If I could stop fucking around on a damn message board...

I might give that a go.

(Thanks)

[Susang]

43. I'm really not fond of Badgers

Couldn't we make it a Wolverine. I am originally from Michigan after all. ;-)

[Bat Boy]

44. No...

That's just what they'll be expecting us to do.


Not fond of badgers...seriously...

[NightOwwl]

47. Bwah!

You had me going until the release of Golgotha. :spank: