TV Theme Songs we're better off without

[Ian David]

Original lyrics to the "I Dream of Jeanie" theme song

Jeannie, fresh as a daisy.
Just love how she obeys me.
Does things that just amaze me so.

She smiles, presto the rain goes.
She blinks, up come the rainbows.
Cars stop, even the train goes slow.
When she goes by she paints sunshine on every rafter, sprinkles the air with laughter, we're close as a quarter after three.
There's no one like Jeannie.
I'll introduce her to you, but it's no use, sir, cause my Jeannie's in love with me.
http://64.233.161.104/search?q=cache:B-1PnbxtPMoJ:www.rateitall.com/i-40245-i-dream-of-jeanie.aspx+%22I+dream+of+Jeanie%22+lyrics+does+things+that+amaze&hl=en

(Is it any wonder why they decided to ditch the lyrics?)


Theme from M*A*S*H
Suicide is Painless

<snip>
That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make,
All our little joys relate,
Without that ever-present hate,
But now I know that it's too late, and...

...suicide is painless...
<snip>

The game of life is hard to play,
I'm gonna lose it anyway.
The losing card I'll someday lay,
So this is all I have to say.

...suicide is painless...
<snip>

...And you can do the same thing if you choose.

More:
http://users.cis.net/sammy/mash.htm

(Yeah, I guess encouraging your audience to commit suicide might have killed your ratings.0

The Theme Song from Bewitched

Bewitched, Bewitched,
You've got me in your spell.
Bewitched, Bewitched,
You know your craft so well.
Before I knew what I was doing,
I looked in your eyes.
That brand of woo you've been brewin',
Took me by surprise.

more:
http://www.cfhf.net/lyrics/bewitch.htm

(While tame by OUR standards, I imagine that exclaiming the sexual prowess of one's wife wasn't prime-time family fare back in 1964)

Did you know the original Star Trek theme had lyrics? Did you know the lyrics explained that Star Trek was really about finding new women to wet Captain Kirk's Warp Nacelle?

Beyond the rim of the starlight,
My love is wandering in star flight.
I know he’ll find in star clustered reaches
Love, strange love a starwoman teaches.

More:
http://www.cfhf.net/lyrics/star-trek.htm


Here's a whole bunch of theme songs whose lyrics never aired.

Some of them for good reason.

All in the Family (The closing theme)
The Andy Griffith Show
Bewitched
Bonanza
The Dick Van Dyke Show
The Flying Nun
Gunsmoke
Hogan's Heroes
I Dream of Jeannie
I Love Lucy (lyrics were written afterwards)
Lassie Leave it to Beaver
M*A*S*H (heard in the movie, but not in the TV show)
The Odd Couple (not used in the movie either)
Star Trek (original series)

http://www.cfhf.net/lyrics/alpha.htm

[salvorhardin]

1. The lyrics for M*A*S*H

make sense when you hear them in the context of the original movie. It's performed during the character Walter "PAINLESS Pole" Woaldowski's suicide. In the context of the 60s suicide actually referred to enlisting.

[salvorhardin]

2. dupe - self delete

[terrya]

3. I had to laugh at the lyrics from "I Dream of Jeannie"...

the ones you highlighted. Just in case we were too dense to pick up on the fact that the whole freaking show was a male chauvinist pig's wet dream. :-)

T

[AngryAmish]

10. Chauvenist? Yes

But jeannie was HOTTT!

[Bunny]

4. You take the good, you take the bad.

You take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life.

Now it is my sincere hope that this earworm will get stuck in everyone's head today!

[Lavender Brown]

6. You're an EVIL bunny!

"You take the good..." :argh:

[Ian David]

7. Blair from Facts of Life gets Saucy with Kids

Blair Warner: A Child's Worst Nightmare
http://www.voccoquan.com/worldofcrap/facts%20of%20life.htm



Is It OK to 'Hot Sauce' Kids?
Parents Divided Over Practice of ‘Hot Saucing’ as a Form of Discipline

- The practice of "hot saucing" a child's tongue as a method of discipline may seem cruel to some parents, but those who regularly use the punishment say it teaches their charges valuable and long-lasting lessons.

Lisa Whelchel, who played Blair on the popular 1980s TV series Facts of Life, is an advocate and practitioner of "hot saucing." Whelchel, the author of Creative Correction: Extraordinary Ideas for Everyday Discipline, says the practice worked for her children when other disciplinary actions did not. "It does sting and the memory stays with them so that the next time they may actually have some self-control and stop before they lie or bite or something like that," Whelchel said on ABC News' Good Morning America. Whelchel says she would have never used hot sauce to discipline her three children if it caused lasting damage. The actress-turned-home-schooling mom suggests using just a dab of hot sauce, placing it on your finger, then touching your finger to the child's tongue.

<snip>
Whelchel says she's been aware for some time that many people are strongly opposed to hot saucing, (which was covered in The Washington Post earlier this month) a form of discipline that's been around for decades, but she says she believes in many different creative ways to discipline, including this one.

"It's totally against popular opinion in culture these days," Whelchel said. "I prefer my child receive a small amount of pain from my hand of love than to encounter a lot more pain in life," she said.

More:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=127607&page=1

[AngryAmish]

11. I am going to get you for that

I don't care how long it takes, I'll get you.

[Art_from_Ark]

5. I used to have 45s of the Bonanza and Gunsmoke theme songs

Thanks for the web address-- after all these years, I finally learned the Gunsmoke words that I never could figure out as a child:D

[Ian David]

8. What Kenny sings in the South Park theme song

Ever wonder what Kenny is saying during the South Park Song?

You'll wish you never asked:

Kenny (muffled): "I like girls with big fat titties, I like girls with big vaginas"

Well, that was just the first two seasons.

Thankfully, they changed it during the thrid season:

Kenny (muffled): "I've got a 10 inch penis. Use your mouth if you want to clean it."

OK, so maybe the change wasn't much (if any) of an improvement.

[bobbobbins]

9. I like the MASH theme

I think it would hold up even if it weren't a theme song

[Beware the Beast Man]

12. C.S.I.- "Who the fuck are you?"

I'd love to hear that one in prime time.

[Dukkha]

13. The infamous closing theme to WKRP

Ever wonder what the words are to the closing theme of WKRP? Before you get excited about finding those long lost lyrics, the actual answer is -- there are none! Tom Chehak, a first season writer who was present at the Atlanta recording session of the theme, recalls how Tom Welles, theme writer, suggested to Chehak and Hugh Wilson a closing theme for the song. According to Chehak, the singer just started blarring out a bunch of nonsense words; if any of them were actual words, they're lost to history. Indeed, Chehak recalls how great they all thought it would be to leave fans guessing forever -- looks like they got their wish.