If you had a choice, would you adopt or give birth?

[AmandaRuth]

Personaly, I would adopt. What's the use of brining another person into the world when there are thousands of children starving in the world?

MiniAmandaRuth

[Magrittes Pipe]

1. Adopt.

I'm a man, so I think giving birth might hurt.

[qnr]

21. That was my thought n/t

[China_cat]

2. Too many kids needing homes

to even think about breeding more.

[SCDem]

3. I gave birth to my son

and believe that the world is better with him than without him!! However, if I am going to have any more kids they will be adopted.

[tavalon]

4. I would never be allowed to adopt

as home evaluation is required. Since I am polyamorous and have a multipartner family, I would never be approved. However, with my health problems, I will not choose to have a child either. I am a coparent to my partners' son. That is more than good enough.

[WildClarySage]

5. Give birth

selfish, maybe, but my hubby and I did great on the genetic combo that became our son and I'd love the chance to see what we could do towards a little girl.

Of course, secondary infertility is an issue for us, and if we were to adopt a child, that would be terrific too. Having fertility problems makes this a very personal sort of debate. Sort of, you don't know what you have until it's gone.

[wellstone dem]

6. As an adoptive mom

I say adopt, though that might not have been the dream I had as a child. Garrison Keilor once put my feelings perfectly, I summarize here because I can't remember his actual words:

True happiness comes not from achieving
what you had always dreamed of, but from
looking at what you have, and realizing
that it is what you would have wanted all
along, if you had only known.


On March 23, my daughter and I will celebrate our 8th year together. She was 9 when I adopted her from the foster care system. She is my daughter. I love her more than anything. She has given me so much. I would not trade her for all my dreams that were not fulfilled.

[jasmineblue]

8. That is absolutely beautiful!

I feel the same way about my 5 yr. old son! We adopted him from foster care @ 19 mos. He is such an amazing & beautiful person. We are very honored to have him in our lives. We are now in the process of adopting a sister for him.

[Maat]

35. I adopted our beautiful baby girl when she was 2.

Now she is 8, beautiful, smart, and self-assured.

I was a social worker myself, and I adopted through another county.

I get a bit discouraged here - some grown adoptees here posted on adoption-related topic, and they didn't seem to happy to have been adopted. Kind of made me discouraged (and I'm an ex-social-worker, but I'm human too).

My beautiful daughter is the center of my life. I love her so much that I can't express it. She was 're-born' to us in my mind, and I teach her that. That having been said, I have no problem with her re-connecting with her 'tummy lady' when she is older, with my help in ensuring her safety (there are potential safety issues).

[jasmineblue]

42. My best friend is also adopted,

& she has never wanted to seek out her birth family. Her parents (adoptive) are her parents as far as she is concerned. She is already (& will be as he gets older) a great support person for my son. Here in NY state, the Dept. of Social Services will assist any child after the age of 18 to find there birth family, provided both parties register with them--even those children adopted from foster care. I hope my son doensn't choose to register, but we will support him if he chooses to.

[Maat]

61. Same deal out in California.

I'm so glad that your child has a neat adoptee-supporter-friend. My daughter has a teacher, her favorite (her Kindergarten teacher), who is her support. Mrs. W found out some basic info. ('My birthmom was a barmaid, and my birthfather was a sailor.'), but let it go after that. It is so good to have support.

[MarianJack]

11. A touching poem and a touching story!

When I read it, it reminded me of the time my wife said that she has the family she always wanted!

My story is in post # 9.

My best wishes to you and your lovely daughter!

[LWolf]

7. Too late.

I had my 2 in the 70s. I was too young to be having kids, but I did it anyway.

I wouldn't go back and unmake them. But, if I suddenly became 20 again without changing the past, I wouldn't have any kids at all. I did my time and don't want to raise any more. As it is, I may end up doing most of the raising of my grandson.

[MarianJack]

9. I'm An Adoptive Parent!

My wife and I have a beautiful little boy whom we adopted when he was 3 months old. He'll be 5 in March. I cannot fathom loving a birth child more than I love my son.

When we adopted him, my father-in -law had dies 6 weeks before. You cannot believe the healing that a new baby brings to a mourning family.

My mother, who is not a bigot but is a woman of her time (born in 1921) and had never believed in mixing races. Today, this little old white lady probably loves her African American grandson more than she has ever loved anybody on this planet! She says that when she goes, her spirit will follow her grandson and if anybody gives him grief about his race, they'll never know where the kick in their ass will have come from! She has also realized that my Puerto Rican wife is the daughter-in -lw that she always dreamed of!

When I finally get a steady job in this "turning the corner" economy, we may well adopt a little sister or brother for him.

Love, not blood, is what makes a family!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. What a wonderful story...glad your child could transform your mother's

views.

[MarianJack]

16. Thanks!

BTW, I love that Vonnegut quote in your sig line!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

17. Thanks...it's from this article

(can't deny a fellow Vonnegut fan the whole enchilada)

http://www.commondreams.org/views04/0512-13.htm

[wellstone dem]

18. Love, not blood, is what makes a family.

That's it.

That's what makes a family.

What a great story. Some folks tell me how lucky my daughter is that I adopted her. But this story, and my own experience, shows that our kids help us to be the people we should be.

[jasmineblue]

39. How Wonderful For You!

I know exactly what you mean. I cannot either ever imagine a love for my son being any deeper if I had given birth to him. There is such a deep, impenetrable heart & soul-level connection to this precious little child who "found us". He had been placed with us in foster care when he was 19 mos. old, & once I layed eyes on him, I just knew deep in my heart that he would become our forever son. When he was almost 3 yrs. old we were on our way to the bank, when a police car was in the other lane. He said, "I rode in one of those, Mommy". I thought to myself, "here comes another wild story from the imagination of a 3 yr. old", But I said to him "You did"? He then said the most shocking thing I could ever imagine--"I rode in one of those to find you & Daddy, & I found you. The policeman helped me find you." And the truth was that he was taken out of his birthmother's home @ 2:30 AM by the police & went to an emergency placement over that weekend until he was placed with us. My husband & I never thought he would remember this--he was 19 mos. old at the time!

[MarianJack]

57. That's Amazing,jasmineblue!

Little kids are aware of so much more than we think they are or give them credit for.

I'm happy for your wonderful story, too!

[flamingyouth]

10. I would be happy with either

I would love to have a child someday, however he or she would come into my life.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

12. Adopt..the thought of a child coming out of there gives me a headache in

my pants

[CornField]

14. Just from the standpoint of the stress pregnancy and birth place on the

female body... I would much rather adopt. Giving birth changes the body forever -- not always a horrible thing, but change nonetheless.

One of the reasons so many women pushed for safe and effective birth control was because so many women were dying due to repeated pregnancies, miscarriages, births, etc.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

15. Well, I already have one biological son.

I'm not so sure I want another one at this point. I have a long life ahead of me still, so maybe I might give birth to another one some day, or maybe we might adopt. I would think about adopting if we wanted another one, but if for some reason they wouldn't allow us to (I don't know what they look for in adoptive parents), then maybe we would have another one of our own.

I do have a preference for adopting a second, if we wanted one. I would want to have a daughter if we had another child, since we already have a son. We could get a girl if we adopted, but giving g birth you have 50/50 chance. Plus, I don't want to be pregnant again because I'd like to keep my figure they way it is.

Does adoption cost lot more than giving birth to your own child? If that's the case, this is probably why so many people choose to have their own over adopting. The only people I've ever seen adopt a kid have been rich people, or very well off upper middle class people(which is the the same thing as being rich as far as I'm concerned).

[wellstone dem]

19. It depends

There are some tax benefits that are available for all adoptions to help reduce the cost.

Adoption of kids from the foster care system is much cheaper, and much of what you spend can be recovered after the adoption is final.

[Sticky]

20. I've done both

and there is no difference in the love you feel for your children, no matter how they came to be.

My adopted son has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the challenges are daunting at times, but he is a very happy and exhuberant kid filled with a joyous energy....funny, but I cannot say that about my birth children. :shrug:

[last_texas_dem]

22. I'd adopt

For a few reasons; one, I'm unmarried, and though I figure it's hard to adopt as a single male, it's easier than giving birth myself! Two, I think adoption is a noble practice, especially considering the number of children out there already born that need homes. Three, at this time in my life I don't see myself getting married and I wouldn't want to help bring a child into this world unless I was. And four, I wouldn't want to help bring a child into the world anyway because I think we're in bad shape and getting worse day by day. And that's my cheerful message of the day. :-)

[Left Is Write]

23. I've already given birth to three children, so it's moot for me.

I do like the idea of fostering or adopting in the future if we decide we'd like to raise more children. I'm too old - in my opinion only - to go through pregnancy and childbirth again. If a pregnancy occurred despite our efforts to prevent it, I would be okay with it, though.

[Sticky]

24. Say yes to life

I've given birth to five, including twins, adopted one and fostered over 60 children.

The love and satisfaction I have in my life could never be measured - I'm the luckiest person I know. (tired and broke, but lucky) :loveya:

[laheina]

51. God bless you!

You must be a saint! But if no churches have come-a-knocking on your door just yet, let me personally thank you for making the world a better place.

As for me, I'd love to adopt a few and birth a few. Time will tell :)

[SarahB]

25. Already gave birth.

If I wanted to adopt a healthy baby, they would laugh at me being the fertile Myrtle that I am. I have a brother with disabilities though, and I know what it entails to care for a disabled child, so it's not something I'd actively seek out for adoption (and that would likely be my only option). If a child came into my life that needed a parent in some way, I could conceive on the possibility of adoption, but it's not something I'd actively seek out either. I don't have what it takes to foster children- it would break my heart too much to get close to a child and potentially have to let them go.

I suspect if I ever had more children though, he or she would come from me. If my life were different, I might make different choices. For me, I've always known I wanted to be a mother. If I couldn't have given birth, I would have most definitely adopted.

[WMliberal]

26. adopt. I'm a hardline VHEMTer

http://www.vhemt.org/biobreed.htm

[rene moon]

27. Neither

No Thanks!

[Bouncy Ball]

28. I already gave birth once.

Then we tried to adopt and it didn't work out. Very very bad experience.

[Book Lover]

29. Gave birth - easier than adopting

Although being pregnant was hardly the mystical, magical experience some people think it should be, it was what I did. No regrets, though I should have made more demands while pregnant (Hey, hold open that door, willya!)

[SarahB]

31. On the more demands part.

I remember being pregnant and someone nearly ran me over in a parking lot (not on purpose, just a careless driver). Well, don't make me angry (especially when I'm hormonal). After he parked, I chased him down and verbally ripped him a new one. That was fun. :evilgrin:

[Book Lover]

32. Tee-hee!

I only caved in to the hormone-driven anger once, when some imbecile tried to cut me off while on the downhill driving home - very dangerous, but we had just gotten the Volvo which may be boxy but handles really well. Anyway, long story short, I made a few moves in the breakdown lane that would have made Dale Sr proud and pulled in ahead of him at the light. He was hopping in his seat, he was so mad; at his second or third raised finger, I got out of my car and started waddling up to him. When he saw me, he shut up and got the glassy-eyed dead-ahead stare that means, "I'm in my car and there's no one else around me, la-la-la-la-la..." Road rage? Maybe, but that feeling of satisfaction was priceless. And now I know just how hard I can push that car (not that I'd ever do that again!!)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

30. i want to adopt

[LibertyLover]

33. Another adoptive parent

My husband and I adopted our daughter. She is originally from China, Hubei province, and we have had her 15 months. She is 2 and a half and deep in the middle of the terrible twos, or the "seagull" phase as my husband calls it (i.e. everything is "mine" like the seagulls in "Finding Nemo").

[SOteric]

34. No.

:hi:

[sans qualia]

36. Give birth

Alas, I don't have a choice. :cry:

[RevolutionaryActs]

37. So agree with you! I don't want kids, but I'm only 18 so that could change

but I will adopt, if I ever want kids, I will adopt. :)

[Mr. McD]

38. I have an adopted daughter and natural born son

we had originally planned to have two and adopt two, but after having the two for awhile we decided two was more then plenty.

[Undercover Owl]

40. okay....huh?

"adopt or give birth"? what? you mean, give the baby up for adoption or keep the baby?

No. I guess you meant, to we people who prefer it spelled out for us:

Would you rather have a biological child, or, adopt?

[koneko]

41. Adopt

I was adopted out of foster care at 4 months, and I hit the jackpot with my family!!!!!

When I settle down, I will definitely try to adopt!

[jasmineblue]

45. I hope our son feels the same way!

he's only 5 right now, but I hope he feels as lucky about us as we feel about him, after he's grown up. Right now he's always telling us that he, his wife, & kids are all going to live with my husband & me "forever".

[shesemsmom]

43. I have to say that since I have had a child

my life hasn't been quite the same. If someone had told me that the terrible two's didn't happen til 12 years old I might have re-thunk the whole thing. Since we have her I guess I will keep her, but gawd has it been hell!!!!!! I am not fooling. Adopt, no, Why should I put myself through hell for someone that isn't even one cell related to me.

[Hans Delbrook]

44. Uh, how about, likes kids, still doesn't want one?

Not all Child-free people hate children. A common misconception.

P.S. I've brined turkeys but never a person. Does it improve the taste? ;-)

P.P.S. It does bring to mind my usual response when people ask if I like kids. "It depends entirely on how they're cooked."

[DaveinMD]

46. we're having a baby

after three miscarriages. We plan on adopting down the road as well.

[msgadget]

52. Congratulations!!

:bounce: :hug: :party:

[DaveinMD]

58. thanks

2-4 weeks away

[msgadget]

60. Rest up!

[SKKY]

47. Have 1, and adopt another. I think that's going to be our plan...

...but we're still talking about it. I certainly don't want to come between a woman and her "need" to have a child.

[Tikki]

48. How about this one!!!

Raise your grandchild from the time he was a baby.

[AwakeAtLast]

49. I've already given birth

but my husband and I discussed adoption. We were fine with either, but I got pregnant during this discussion three years ago. Funny how that works, huh?

[fortyfeetunder]

50. How come

no one questions blatantly when a woman decides to get pregnant (with or without a willing partner) but there is the inquisition when people want to adopt....

[nickgutierrez]

53. Adopt, as giving birth is anatomically impossible for me.

:)

[njdemocrat106]

54. I'd love for my genes to carry on

but I'd hate having to raise a kid. Are sperm banks still paying? B-)

[Seabiscuit]

55. For parents with fertility problems who would make good parents and who

really want to be good parents, adoption is a wonderful option.

And for those worried about overpopulation, adoption is always a good choice.

Nothing wrong IMHO with parents without fertility issues who are able to have their own children, so long as they are committed be being, and learning how to be, good parents.

[scarlet_owl]

56. Either one would be great with me, as I'm infertile and can't

afford adoption. Not being able to be parents is the worst thing that has ever happened to us.

[jasmineblue]

62. Scarlet, have you looked into foster care or adoption domestically?

I don't know how your state laws work, but here in NY foster parents are given the first option to adopt once the child is freed for adoption. And by adopting through the Dept. of Social Services from foster care, almost all fees are paid for by the agency. We were very fortunate...our son was 19 mos. old when he was placed with us in foster care. We adopted him exactly 9 months later.

[dr.strangelove]

59. Give birth!!!

Why would I deprive the world of another generation with my genes? To do so would be cruel.

[cally]

63. I gave birth

I always expected that I would adopt for the many reasons posted here. I think I would love any child as much as I love my own. But there is something special seeing me in them. They look like me, they have gestures like me. It's weird.

[vetwife]

64. Had a choice..Did both..Birth once adopted 3

[elfrangel]

65. Give birth....

After trying for 4 LONG YEARS, I finally was able to get pregnant. I gave birth to Ethan in March of last year. Hard to believe that he will be a year old soon...

But anyway...

I would repeat the experience in a heartbeat. I loved it!!!!! My husband was adopted when he was young, so it's always been an option for us. Even if it has not been financially possible. I wouldn't mind adopting at all.

A friend of mine had 3 kids and adopted more. She's been a foster parent for a long time. I absolutely love her. She is such a gift.