I have to share this with you guys. Too funny!

[Rainbowreflect]

I am not sure if I should be very amused of very, very afraid.

I was riding the bus home after work yesterday evening & the kid across the isle from me. (27 is a kid to me & I learned during the conversation that he is 27, but I degrees) He was talking loudly on his cell phone for a couple of calls. The first conversation, that I & everyone else on the bus could not help but overhear, was to someone connected to the Coast Guard with the kid trying to get into the Coast Guard. He got a phone number to contact someone in New Jersey & hung up.

He then made a phone call to a friend. The following is the high-lites of that conversation as best as I can recall.

"Hey dude, yo yo yo. Guess what, I'm going to boot camp, joining the Coast Guard to be an M.P. and blow some illegal aliens away."
"No man, I will be doing search & rescue and protecting our waterways from the illegal. Me carrying a gun, cool."

"I though about the army, ya know we are at war & I could go & blow off some heads. But we really shouldn't be there, cause Bush sucks & he lied to us. Ya know, like in Eminem's video, "Mosh". Lot's of innocents getting killed & soldiers too."

"Ya _____ told me that Bush would probably send me to war to, but no f**king way. If he tries we will have words." (The kid proceeds to make suggestions that might lead to a visit from the Secret Service.)

"No, I don't know where I'll be stationed when I get done with boot camp. But it probably won't be in Nebraska, not a lot of water here. I will go to boot camp in New Jersey because there is no camps here in Nebraska, the closest camp is in Omaha.??????? I think I will start in March or in April. I have to be into boot camp before April 3rd though, cause that's when I turn 28. I will probably be stationed in Jersey, or West Coast, like Washington or California, or maybe Florida."

"Don't really want to be there, there's gonna be a huge earth quake there because of the too-saw-mes."

"No dude, really I know all about this, the guys at NASA saw it all. Ya know like "Houston we have a problem." they saw it all from space."

"Cause I talked to them dude. I called NASA & the army, like special opps. They probably told me classified stuff, but that's ok cause I'm going to be in the Guard."

"When I'm done with the Guard I think I might be a cop. Yeah, me with a gun. I'll blow away all the bad cops & leave the good ones alone."

"I think I'll get a job at Burger King until I start boot camp so I can get some free chicken sandwiches. Yep, eat some chicken, save a cow."

I cannot make this stuff up. Do people not realize that they can be heard????

[Feathered Fish]

1. 27?

He sounds like he just turned 18.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

2. I have a feeling...

That the CG psychiatrists just might stick a pin in this guy's balloon. He sounds like his combo plate got no tacos.

[Maddy McCall]

7. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[DS1]

9. He's a couple wings shy of a buffalo, six clucks from a can of tuna

[shesemsmom]

3. The thought of that *KID* with a gun

scares the *hit out of me too

[goddess40]

4. sounds like my cousin

I wonder what percentage of the population are dumb-fucks? I think it's more than the usual 10% they always claim minorities are (10% gay and 10% atheist)

[snippy]

12. The answer to your question is at least 20.68%

(61 million divided by 295 million) x 100 = 20.68%

[ET Awful]

5. Hehehehe

I have a good friend that says shit like that all the time just to get a reaction :)

We were walking down the street in Boston one winter, and he starts freaking out, scaring the crap out of people around asking "DUDE, what's all that white shit around that tree over there?" As we rounded the corner away from the people giving him weird looks, I said "you DID know that was snow right?" He just gave me this goofy grin of his.

He just loves messing with people :)

[Richardo]

6. Show some respect for the GOP candidate of 2032!

The logical progression from Bush.

[Rainbowreflect]

8. LOL

That is what I'm afraid of. Another women that often rides the bus & I kept looking at each other, rolling our eyes & trying not to laugh out loud.

[underpants]

13. He already has the highest security clearance apparently

anyone who is thinking about joining the Coast Guard gets let in on every classified secret at the highest levels of gubment.

:eyes:

[neweurope]

10. Yeah. He with a gun.

Ah well... he'll blow some heads off before he gets his blown off. Defending freedom and democracy. Support the troops!

-----------

Remember Fallujah

Bush to The Hague!

[underpants]

11. I didn't know that you needed a contact to join the Coast Guard

but then my main goal in life isn't free chicken sandwiches oh and killing illegals.

Having been in the Army this isn't really surprising. They aren't all golden hair warriors for freedom you know.

[Florida_Geek]

15. Until they find out what military enlist life is like

:)

[TlalocW]

26. Oh, man...

But imagine if you got a free chicken sandwich each time you killed an illegal! That would be the life! Hotcha!

TlalocW

[TlalocW]

14. My best friend from high school and I

Ran into another high school classmate when we were 24 or 25. He had a Napolean Complex bigger than any I had ever seen, had been planning on going into the Marines, but when they wouldn't take him, he went to the Army. He was working as a security guard in a grocery store. It took him a while to recognize me - my friend had seen and talked to him before, and when he did figure out who I was, he was dismayed because I could easily annoy him in school. My friend is a nicer person when it comes with dealing from bullshit so he was eager to chat up my friend - not so much me though. Anyway, he did tell us all of the things that had been going on in his life since high school:

1. He had been thrown out of the army for trying to run over his commanding officer with a truck.
2. He had been assigned to be Castro's bodyguard with the secret mission of killing him (the truck part I could almost believe, but this one just made me feel like he was insulting my intelligence. Yeah, a U.S. Army guy is going to be Castro's bodyguard... Uh, der-hay?)
3. He was "clean-up" which meant that he killed other operatives thought to be security-risks, and he did most of his killing in the Pentagon, and that apparently is common since according to him, there are hidden "garbage" chutes in the Pentagon walls every 25 feet or so just perfect for shoving a dead body into.
4. He can kill a man with just a business card.
5. He had all his guns taken away from him when he left the military because he was too dangerous without them to begin with (I believe he's had his guns taken away but not because he's a killing machine.) He was trying to get that overturned so that he could get a job as an armed security guard.

My friend asked me to hold back on the sarcasm before we went to the store in case we ran into him because he was actually afraid that he had turned into the kind of guy who would hunt you down and kill you for mocking him.

TlalocW

[underpants]

16. You want a really good laugh? (see here)-I've known 2 people like that

See below for the funniest military related thing you have ever seen.

I knew a guy in high school who was trying to cut his picture out of every single year book because he was planning on being a black op. This guy couldn't run 100 yards without collapsing.

In the Army we had a guy who told similiar stories about before that assignment and since he had joined the Army. The sad part was that there were guys who had been in his basic training unit and with him at their previous unit. There was no way any of what he said could possibly be true but that didn't stop him.





This website is supposedly true. One this is for certain it is HILARIOUS.
http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html

[Midlodemocrat]

18. Hey UP

how is your wife feeling?

[underpants]

20. Mopey ill and lethargic

She goes to the ob/gyn a week from today. Thanks for asking.

[Midlodemocrat]

23. I had two kids here in Richmond

wonderful hospitals both and great doctors. My first experience in CT wasn't the best, but I got great care here. Hope she does, too.


Tell her to try seasickness bands for the morning sickness. They work great.

[Ian David]

21. My friend GI Bob from when I was in high school

He was an older guy in his early twenties that used to hang-out with us.

He was a nebbishy little guy with coke-bottle glasses, always wore camouflage, and didn't have a car.

Here were some of the claims he made:
1) He did top-secret stuff when he was in the army.
2) He once hacked into the Area 51 computer and saw stuff about aliens and flying saucers (yet, I still had trouble teaching him MS-Word)
3) He was once married (His "wedding photo" was actually of him "giving away the bride.")
4) He used to fight in those martial arts competitions where people die in the ring (that's how he explained the bruises when someone beat the shit out of him.)
5) He once jumped out of a tree and karate-chopped a cop, but he "isn't sure" if he killed him. (You want to be sure? Read a newspaper).

Once, I made the mistake of letting him be "designated driver."

He was cold sober, but he was literally all over the road, from crossing the double-yellow line, and then into the shoulder and back again to the line. I figured I wasn't THAT drunk after all and made him give me back the keys. It turns out his driver's license was really just a fake ID.

Yeah, wanna-be army guys rock!

[TlalocW]

24. This guy was the same way

I remember once we had an assembly to watch the weight-lifting class members bench 140 pounds as many times as they could (they had collected pledges for charity for each lift). I was in my normal spot - high up in the bleachers reading a book like I always was during assemblies. Army dude was sitting next to me and asked, "W(last name), how much weight is that?" I told him 140 pounds. He actually kind of egotistically sniffed and proudly said, "That's my max." I couldn't keep the sarcasm out of my voice when I replied, "Oh, really?" "Yeah! What's YOUR max, W(last name)?" I told him I wasn't sure, but that I had lifted 230 three times at the end of a regular bench workout the other day. He actually yelled, "Liar!" loud enough to draw some attention.

After that, he was always more pissed off with me than before (he didn't like that I was a liberal). To get to the school's weight room, you had to pass through the giant garage area used for shop class. I was walking through there once, when he came around a corner, and we almost ran into each other. For whatever reason, he decided to punch me in the stomach. I flexed my stomach when I saw the punch coming, and it didn't hurt, and I thought he was just fooling around until I looked at him, and he had a surprised look on his face presumably because his punch didn't have any effect.

Our country was never in safer hands than his - that's for sure.

I love Skippy's list! When I first read it, I lost it at the, "Not allowed to yell, 'Eat lead, Cobra!' on the firing range" entry.

TlalocW

[underpants]

25. 140 pound MAX?

What is that a doughnut on each end (the standard starting point usually) and a 2 1/2 added on? WOW! 140 pound max!!! Look at ESPN here he comes.

Skippy is a riot.

[Tom_Foolery]

17. I worked with a guy like this a few years ago...

He told everyone that he had been a navy seal and that he could kill us all with his little finger. I always told him that I could kill him with one finger, too. I would then flip him the bird and walk away.

He supposedly did underwater demolition and jumped from jets at 30,000 feet.

[NewJeffCT]

19. I know one guy that I think his whole life is a fantasy

I'm not exactly sure what it is, but supposedly when he lived in Japan for a year, he got involved in some underground fighting championship (remember that Van Damme movie? I think it's called the Kuma Tai or something like that??) and in the semi-finals of the tournament, his dad had to kill his girlfriend, the one trule love of his life. I forgot what happened to him in the Kuma Tai, though, maybe he refused to fight his girlfriend?

He also has some sort of Munchausen's syndrome, too, or whatever you call it when another friend has an illness - one guy we know had kidney stones, then he'd say, oh I just passed two kidney stones the other day...

He was also involved in the porn industry as a star, but has since reformed himself...

Somehow, he was also involved in picking some of the actors in the Lord of the Rings movies...

[Pert_UK]

22. Reminds me of the security guard in Grosse Point Blank......

Genius!

Very funny - thanks for the laugh.

Also reminds me of Jim Anchower from the Onion....Hola Amigos!

P.