Republican jokes thread

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

Please post your favorite GOP bashing jokes here!!

[LDS Jock]

1. ok.. here is one

Q. What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?

A. George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.

[GOPBasher]

2. LOL I like that.

[sniffa]

3. that good

:D

[Sporadicus]

8. Another Answer - Also Good

The French were wrong about Vietnam, but they're still right about Iraq.

[tk2kewl]

4. Q: Whats the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg?

A: One is a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other is a dirigible

(Note: substitute any wingnut jerkoff for Limbaugh and the joke still works fine)

[LDS Jock]

5. the Texas Hillbilly song.. one of my favorites

The Texas Hillbilly

(Sing along to the tune of Beverly Hillbillies)

Come and listen to my story 'bout a boy named Bush.
His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he drove all about.
But that didn't matter 'cuz his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is.
Criminal record.
Cover-up.
Well, the first thing you know little Georgie goes to Yale.
He can't spell his name but they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin' out with student folk.
And that's when he learns how to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is.
White gold.
Nose candy.
The next thing you know there's a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say, "George, stay at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed and scarred.
We'll buy you a spot in the Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is.
Country clubs.
Nose candy.
Twenty years later George gets a little bored.
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House is the place I wanna be."
So he called his daddy's friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is.
Falwell.
Jesse Helms.
Come November 7, the election ran late.
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the boy your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks get into the polls."
So they put up barricades so they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is.
Duval County.
Miami-Dade.
Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in.
Told all the voters "Hey, we want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their solemn invocation.
And that's how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is.
Illegitimate.
No moral authority.
Y'all come vote now.
Ya hear?

[tk2kewl]

9. funny but sad

i don't know whether to :7 or :cry:

[ktowntennesseedem]

16. Still funny, just not as funny since that last election.

[corksean]

6. Posted this earlier but it died..still, I think it's funny...

During his visit to the UK Bush was invited to lunch with the Queen. After a bit of idle chat Bush decided to convey to the monarch his admiration for British society.
"You know ma'am" he said, "I'm so impressed with the way you run things over here that when I go back, I'm going to change the US into a Kingdom, just like you have over here".
"I'm afraid that's impossible", replies Lizzie. " To have a Kingdom you need a King, and I'm afraid you are not a King".
"O.K", sez Dubya, "you guys had an Empire for a while, maybe I could try that on the good old boys at home".
"No dice" said the Queen, "to have an Empire you would need an Emperor, and you, sunshine, ain't no Emperor".
Georgie is getting a bit irate at this stage and decides to take one last shot.
"Well what about a Principality, like Wales. Goddam woman, you made your son the Prince of Wales and he talks to wildlife and such".
"'Fraid not", her Maj replies, "for a Principality you need a Prince and you're no Prince. I'm afraid, Mr. Bush, that as long as you're in charge America is going to have to remain a country".

Boom, Boom.
I thank you.

[sniffa]

7. oLdie

q: what has 100 eyes and 50 teeth?

a: front row at a freeper raLLy.

[RandomKoolzip]

10. What's the difference between a republican and a democrat?

A democrat wins the lottery and throws a party.

A republican wins the lottery and complains that he has to pay taxes.

[kanrok]

11. Here's one:

Recently, after a snowstorm in Washington, "W" was walking from the Oval Office back to the residence, using the walkway outside. As he approached the door to the residence he spotted the words: "W SUCKS" written in the snow in what appeared to be urine. Outraged, he called the head of the FBI in and demanded that an investigation begin immediately. The FBI went to work. Later that evening, "W" was given a report.

Agent:"Mr. President, we have a preliminary report."

W: "Get on with it man, I'm an extre...very busy man."

Agent: "Very well, sir, but I have to tell you, we have some good news and some bad news, which would you like first?"

W: "Just get on with it, will you?"

Agent: "Yes, sir...well, the good news is that the urinalysis report came back, and we've conclusively proven that the words were written in the urine of a junior member of your Secret Service detail."

W: "Yes, yes, well...what is the bad news?"

Agent: Well...sir, the handwriting analysis came back, and it turns out it was:








YOUR MOTHER!

[Sporadicus]

12. This Little Old Lady Calls 911...

When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

13. NICE!

[The Backlash Cometh]

14. Someone needs to find the joke of the presidential golden urinal.

That one was the best. Don't have time to do it, but it should be arond here somewhere.

[Sporadicus]

15. Q and A

Q: How does a republican commit suicide?
A: He gathers his hate into a pile and jumps off.

[Taxloss]

17. Republican jokes?

Newt Gingrich.