Can you tell what your cat is trying to tell you?

[Bouncy Ball]

I honestly think my cat is griping me out right now because I'm not in bed. I haven't stayed up late on the computer in a while and she can't go to sleep until she is curled up in my armpit (don't ask me).

She NEVER comes in here, but just now, she came in with this really pissed off meow, looking at me with big eyes like "What the hell's your problem? I've seen "Will and Grace" TWICE now and still no armpit!"

I mean, there's the obvious "feed me, mofo" but can you tell the more subtle things your cat tells you?

Such as "I know about differential equations" and "Do I need to remind you who I am related to or are you going to hand over the cheeseburger quietly?"

etc.

[merwin]

1. Usually, it's 'pet me', 'give me food', or 'pay attention!'

[Bouncy Ball]

2. Ok see, I think they have more to say than that.

MUCH more. Unless you have a doofus cat. Do you have a doofus cat?

[merwin]

5. Yeah... he's got a one track mind.

Food, play, sleep, food, food, sleep, play, sleep, food, play, sleep IN food, play (with food).

Much of his life revolves around food.

Then I've got this other cat who's really skinny (which is why I always have food out). Big problems. Not enough time spent at home, therefore I can't feed them seperately. The skinny cat also has a skin allergy which over the few years has made him very anti-social, so most of the time i think he's just saying 'fuck off', oddly saying 'please love me!' at the same time.

[Bouncy Ball]

8. See, ok, the skinny one IS more complicated

fuck off and please love me at the same time is VERY sophisticated. And dysfunctional but we won't go into all that.

How do you fuck off and love him at the same time?

[RevCheesehead]

14. That, my friend, is a question women have asked...

about men, since the beginning of time.

[Bouncy Ball]

16. BWA!

[merwin]

21. He meows constantly until you pet him, and then he

walks off like he doesn't want you around.

[Endangered Specie]

3. "Rub me" or "Feed me"

pretty simple.

[Bouncy Ball]

4. See above.

I just think they are far more complicated, but we don't listen. That's why they get an attitude like they do.

We have to be "Cat Whisperers." Except don't whisper. It pisses them off no end.

[Endangered Specie]

9. well...

"Feed me you inferior neadratholic bag of water and protein!"
or
"Rub me, for I am YOUR God!"
.
.
.One other thing:
"Aww, you have to work, learn and do all sorts of shit all day while Ill I do is eat, shit and sleep all day long"

[meow2u3]

74. My cat even meows for me to clean his litterbox!

He meows at me while I'm on the pot; he meows to sample my food. He meows just to say, "Here I am; pay attention to me."

[RevCheesehead]

17. See post #14 above.

ditto.

[Bouncy Ball]

6. Ok here's an example from yesterday.

When my cat is hungry, she finds me, meows, then I follow her, and she leads me, turning around to meowe every several feet, to her bowl in the kitchen, where she stands, meows and says "You see it's empty right, asshole? Put food in it."

Well yesterday she led me to her bowl and it was full. I was thinking WTF? I just fed her.

Then I notice the cat puke right NEXT to the bowl. Now that must have caught her by surprise, like the other day when I bent over and kinda got some throw up in my mouth and wasn't expecting it, because she NEVER pukes near her food.

THEN I realized what she was saying!

"You gonna clean that up, or what?"

[elperromagico]

7. No, but the dog is telling me to "get the gun, get the gun, shoot shoot"

[Bouncy Ball]

10. ????

My dog NEVER says shit like that. She only says "HI I'M HERE!!! I'M HERE!! SEE ME???? PET ME???? SCRATCH BELLY????? FOOD??? TREAT??? HI!!!"

[elperromagico]

73. Your dog is needy.

:D

[merwin]

33. My brother yelled 'get the gun, get the gun' once when we were kids

playing in the woods with toy guns. He started running away yelling that, so I went to retrieve the gun. Turns out he had stepped on a wasp nest. Well, in retrieving the gun, I stepped in it as well. That hurt, but I retrieved the gun!

[yardwork]

11. My mom's cat gets mad when we keep her up

One night I was visiting and my sister and mom and I cleaned out my mom's closets and drawers. We stayed up half the night laughing and making a lot of noise.

The cat, who normally sleeps with my mom, who normally goes to bed around 7 pm, was furious.

She kept stalking into the room, stalking around glaring at us, pointedly lying down on the bed with a "do you MIND" expression on her face, then stalking back out.

[Bouncy Ball]

15. Ok but she wasn't saying

"do you MIND?" I think cats have potty mouths and she was actually saying "Fuck this shit. Damn. Can't get ANY fucking sleep around here with these bitches tearing shit up. Fuck."

[yardwork]

71. You're right! That's exactly what she was saying!

You ought to be a cat whisperer. Except don't whisper.

[EFerrari]

12. Cats comminicate via visual images. We don't. So, they know

they're dealing with morons.

Once I was watching my tennent's cat while he was away. I went into the apartment to check on everything and Sam (not his real name)was moping just outside the kitchen. He floated an image of the kitchen light on, a brightly lit kitchen. So, I turned the light on and Sam did just fine until my tennent came home.

[Bouncy Ball]

13. Not his real name?

You used a fake name for the CAT?

And tell me how to see the images they float. I think I do, but I'm picking up more on verbal cues.

[OrwellwasRight]

20. "You used a fake name for the CAT?" ROTFLMAO.

Still laughing. :-) :-) :-)

[EFerrari]

29. : )

[slutticus]

39. Oh man....I'm laughing so hard i couldn't steady my hand enough..

...to click on this!

LOL!
:)

[yardwork]

72. I'm dying here!

[EFerrari]

42. I've no idea how to see them. You just do. What about this.

You know that kittens bond to you by gazing at you, probably.

Have you noticed that cats blink to show you they trust or like you? If a cat really really feels comfortable, they'll blink really deliberately to show you they're cool.

[Bouncy Ball]

45. See I always heard that stare-offs determine who is boss.

The cat will ALWAYS look away before you do. If they don't, don't sleep with them because they are looking for blood.

But even when they DO look away first, it's always like "Fine, fucker, whatever, like I give a shit. I'm going to go puke in your shoes now."

[EFerrari]

49. Right. So when they just slowly blink, it's, "You don't scare me and

maybe I won't pee on your tablecloth."

[barb162]

61. yes

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

18. Feed me. Pet me. Feed me. Pet me. Feed me. Pet me.

And:
Are you in the bathroom again? Open the door right now.
Throw my little sparkly ball so I can bat it under the radiator and whine until you fish it out.
Feed me.
Pet me.
Why the hell did you stand up and dump me off your lap? Do you know who I AM?

[Bouncy Ball]

19. So you have a doofus cat?

Why doesn't your cat ever say anything more complicated like that?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

23. I have two cats, but they are not doofi.

It's just that they don't talk about calculus or particle physics in front of me because they don't want to make me feel stupid.

[Bouncy Ball]

37. Ahhh

see I think mine WANTS to make me feel stupid.

Except one thing I got over her: Shakespeare. There is NO WAY she can understand that shit.

[RevCheesehead]

22. One of my cats was harassing me today.

Lately she's been in a "cuddle me" mood. But today, she's been all over the computer monitor, butt and tail in my face. I got up to go to the bathroom, and she ran ahead of me - and jumped up on the toilet seat! (She has previously come in to the bathroom while I was, well - you know - and she jumped into my jeans legs.

I guess I don't spend enough time with her - or the other two.

[Bouncy Ball]

26. Ah, see, you must figure out what she is actually saying.

Last night I was looking at the Pottery Barn Teen catalog and my cat laid right down on top of it. Now she NEVER does that. Never.

I think she said "I could give a SHIT about your catalog. Look at me."

So I looked at her. But I stared her down so long, I think it weirded her out, so she got up and left.

But not before letting her butt hang in front of my face for a few too many uncomfortable moments.

[RevCheesehead]

34. Actually, the butt in the face is the highest form of cat compliment.

It is one of the highest forms of intimacy, when they offer to let you sniff them. Gross to us, meaningful to them.

By the way, Oreo is here with me now. :)

[Bouncy Ball]

38. Heh, not with my cat.

It's more of a "fuck you, I'm going to put my ass in your face to show you what I think of you."

Believe me, if you could see her face when she does it, you'd agree.

If that's a compliment, then she really must want to kill me. Sometimes I catch her trying to suffocate me by laying across my face at night.

[RevCheesehead]

60. Your cat is pissed at the dog - and you let the dog live there.

That is unforgiveable, and she will always shun you. Bad Bouncy Ball.

[Bouncy Ball]

67. OMG I think you are exactly right!!!

Wow, spot on!

[man4allcats]

24. When I'm giving her medication to her and

she hooks me with a free claw, I'm pretty sure that means "get your goddamn finger out of my mouth!"

[Bouncy Ball]

35. Hmmm

I think that's a fair assessment.

When I used to give my Thunder a pill (he's in kitty heaven now), he'd say "GAAAAK!!! GAAAAKK!!!"

He wasn't my brightest cat.

[OrwellwasRight]

25. I have the loudest, talkingest cat in the world.

People who call and don't know me well ask if I have to go "take care of my crying baby."

She says a lot of different things. Mostly I think she tells me about her day. In the morning, she says "Get up you lazy effing slob! How many times are you going to hit the snooze button!"

[Bouncy Ball]

30. I took this idea from a fellow DUer (can't remember who now)

but I put a sock across my cat's body in the morning, where she was sleeping. In the afternoon, when I returned home, the SOCK WAS STILL IN THE SAME PLACE draped across her body.

She's a lazy bastard. Doesn't do shit around here.

I have seen very very vocal cats and they weird me out a little bit. One was so vocal his owner kept saying "Paco, for the love of GOD, SHUT UP!"

[OrwellwasRight]

41. The sock: Hysterical.

I have tried to tell Kato (yes, it's her real name) to shut up, but then I feel guilty and apologize.

Other times, we have a "meow off." If I can meow louder and more obnoxiously than she can, she stops meowing, gives me a dirty look, and walks away in a huff. It usually takes about two to three minutes, but I try to employ it infrequently. I don't think she likes it, and I'm not sure it reflects well on my sanity either.

[Bouncy Ball]

44. I know what she's saying

"Who the fuck does this chick think she is? DAMN, I own a retarded one."

[OrwellwasRight]

64. Maybe, but what was she saying

when she jumped onmy keyboard and dislodged the shift key while I was trying to post on the DU?

[Taverner]

27. My cat tells me to kill Pat Sajak

but he never moves his lips - is that funny or what?

[Bouncy Ball]

31. See now THAT'S what I'm talking about.

And I think your cat is a Democrat.

[roguevalley]

28. my dogs look at us at ten and its, "Beddy by time. ALL OF US!"

[Bouncy Ball]

52. So do you all go?

[Elidor]

32. "Power of attorney"

Or perhaps, "You need to make more money so I can live in style."

[Bouncy Ball]

43. Power of attorney is a bit chilling

and would be if my cat said it, what with her oh-so-innocent "oops was I lying across your mouth and nose with my entire body while you sleep again?" stunts.

[Schema Thing]

36. It's always the same damn lame joke:

"Timmy fell down the well". Of course there is no Timmy, and there is no well. :sheesh: cats :eyes:

[Bouncy Ball]

40. Oh yours sounds like a true commodian.

Get it a joke book, for crying out loud. Or some Kafka.

[RevCheesehead]

46. When I get home, my cats tell me if the UPS guy showed up.

They also usually notify me if there's an important message on the phone, and get pretty happy whenever my mom leaves a message.

Oh, BTW - I know one cat word, "birdy" - but I don't know how to spell it. It's the shivery, chattery jaw, "mye-e-e-e-e-e-eah."
Binky calls my mom "Grandma Birdy."

[Bouncy Ball]

48. Oh hey yeah I know that word, too!

The other night, I was watching "Fatal Attraction" and they had some pigeon sounds a couple of times and "Anastasia" (I'm afraid to use her real name now that some other DUer used a fake name for a cat) started FREAKING and doing that weird chattery thing.

But then she also did it when Glenn Close freaked out. So I think she hates Glenn Close and wants to eat pigeons. Or she wants to eat Glenn Close and hates pigeons.

[RevCheesehead]

51. Same diff.

[Bouncy Ball]

56. Well that's true.

Glenn Close, pigeons. Who can tell?

[CelticWinter]

47. Feed me, feed me, scratch my butt...

I have a houseful (11 or so) and they sleep everywhere, one is waiting now for the computer chair, but I have 5-6 that like my bed, I get a small corner. But my favorite part of the day is when I 'pop-a-top' and they ALL come running to the kitchen singing and dancing for their favorite treat of the day. The kitchen floor turns into a moving fur carpet.

[Bouncy Ball]

50. ELEVEN FREAKING CATS?

Ok seriously, some day the neighbors are going to find your cats really super fucking fat and with like your hair sticking out of their mouths and shit.

And you? Mysteriously missing.

[CelticWinter]

55. LOL probably

I guess I am lucky they even let me live in the house but someone has to scoop out the litter.

[Philly Buster]

77. I couldn't handle 11 house cats!

I have 2 pet cats, only one of which is allowed in the house. The other is an outside and basement cat. He's a messy whiner who sheds 24/7/12.

I also feed about a dozen feral cats but I'm running out of patience with them. If I can't catch them to take to a shelter it might be time to start shooting. That's if I can work up the courage which I probably can't.

[CelticWinter]

86. They are our babies

and it is a full time job to take care of them, but its something we enjoy. Believe me we didnt start out with this many we had 4 of our own, and we rescued 8, and one was preggo at the time, got them good homes and kept the rest. We raise himalayans and are very fussy who our babies go too, but its rewarding to us when we have that special person come and adopt a baby and see them bond. :-)

[barb162]

53. yes, I have become very tuned in to them the last 3 or 4 years,

and especially tuned in to their body language when they are sick.

[Bouncy Ball]

54. Isn't it wild?

You really can totally know what they are saying!

[barb162]

59. yes , I have had multiple cats for 40 years, but the last few yrs. I

think I have had an enlightenment about their ways, body language, talking, etc.

[RevCheesehead]

57. My male cat, Roo, is the only man in the house.

Coincidentally, he also thinks he is a dog. He greets me at the door, wags his tail, and goes on patrol every 15 minutes or so. He is not the brightest (a friend called him "a cat of very little brain"), but he makes up for it in downright sweetness. He also expresses his fondness for strangers by biting them. Another cat-commpliment.

[Bouncy Ball]

62. My male cat thought he was a dog, too.

The dog seems to think she's a cat.

We have a lot of species confusion around here.

[RevCheesehead]

66. Exactly. "Fenine" identity crisis.

But who am I to tell him what his lifestyle should be? Whatever it is, he was born with it. (not that there's anything wrong with that.)

[RevCheesehead]

69. On our last visit to the v-e-t,

Roo went absolutely ballistic. I have NEVER seen him so angry. He hissed, spit, scratched - it was so bad, the v-e-t asked me to leave the room. I was in tears.

Later he told me everything went fine after I was gone. He told me it was a "loyalty" behavior, because he was protecting me. He then chuckled and said "usually we see this kind of behavior in dogs, not cats." :)

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

58. It usually translates to "Timmy's trapped in the well!"

but then I remember she's a cat, and I don't know any Timmy. Anymore.

[Schema Thing]

63. lol, you and I have the same sense of humor

See #36

Oddly enough, on the internet board where I most often hang my hat, I'm known as Six (though it is a shortened version).

[CarpeVeritas]

65. they each have their own favourite phrase-

Mars(red ginger tabby, male)- "Let me out!"

Xena(chubby, former stray, gray tabby female)- "Feed Me!"

She-Ra(siamese/burmese mix, female)- "Comb Me!"

[Kire]

68. "get me out of this cage"

no, I don't keep her in a cage...just when I take her to the vet, or when I move

[Bat Boy]

70. "Timmy fell down a well."

But apparently there's no hurry.

[Blue Diadem]

75. Had a good watchcat once.

She alerted me when someone was at my basement door very late one night. She kept meowing and looking toward the door leading to the basement landing. It was a weird meow which really got my attention. I couldn't see anyone or anything outside but I sure as heck wasn't going to open the door and find out either. The next morning, we found footprints in the snow(the heels were up against the foundation of the house) and a cigarette butt right next to the door.

She also told me when my son and his buddy were going to sneak out of the house one night. She came into my bedroom and did that same merrrrrrroooowwwwww and looked at the stairway. I followed her downstairs, she led me into the family room where the boys were "sleeping" on the sofa sleeper. Pretending to be asleep anyway..and she also showed me where they had passed pizza through the window to some kids outside who were waiting for them to come out and toilet-paper the world.

I miss that kitty. My dog on the other hand, slept through our house being toilet papered, windows being soaped, front porch being filled with corn stalks etc.

[huskerlaw]

76. Question for the cat whisperers

My cat's a 1 year old and he just started playing fetch. Literally, just started, totally out of the blue. He picks up a pony tail holder (which he mysteriously places in his food dish when he's not playing with it) and brings it to me. At which point, I fling it across the room like a rubber band...he runs, picks it up and plays for a minute, then carries it over to me...and he'll do it for up to an hour. He has never done this before. The only thing that has changed is that he was at my Mom's for 2 weeks while I was on vacation recently (she did not play fetch with him).

Also, he's a very loveable kitty. Will come when you call him, loves to sleep near you, "talks" to you...but refuses to sit/sleep on people's laps. In fact, he basically hates to be held. He's been that way since I got him from the animal shelter when he was about 6 months. Other than that, he's completely well adjusted and loves people.

Any theories?

[yardwork]

78. What a great kitty!

He found this game and he's delighted that you play it with him.

Some cats just don't like being held. It's a personality thing, just like with people. Some people are huggy and some are not. Lots of non-huggy people and cats are still very affectionate in their own way.

[huskerlaw]

81. LOL, ok so he's not weird...

at least not any more weird than cats in general. I've had cats basically my whole life, but he's my first completely indoor kitty, so I find him greatly intriguing. He acts more human than the others, I think, but the fetch thing had me totally confused.

[EFerrari]

82. He's teaching you how to teach him how to hunt. lol. And maybe

he figures if he keeps you busy, you won't disappear again :)

On the holding, I have one that came the same way. She'd get tense and cry out as if being evicerated. So, I took it really slow: first, let her get used to my hands; then being held while she was on all four feet w/out moving her; then, picking her up for a second. Now, I can hold her for five minutes without getting that panicky response. She still doesn't climb in my lap but often sits next to me. I think someone hurt her because she was hand shy.

[huskerlaw]

83. He doesn't seem tense

and usually he's even purring, but he just obviously doesn't want to be there...you know the look...and the second I let go, he leaves. It's not like he's struggling to get away, he just seems like he's humoring me, lol. So I don't think it's a fear response, but it's somewhat odd given his otherwise cuddly tendencies. For example, if I'm scratching his back, he'll tip his head down and flop over on his stomach...and actually expects tummy rubs. And like I said before, he loves to be around people, just not physically on them.

[EFerrari]

85. Sure. Like yardwork said, they're all different. Some just don't

like to be pawed. I bottle fed one of my cats, she spent 3 weeks in my sweater because she was so sick and couldn't regulate body heat. You'd think she'd be a Momma's girl but she's the most independent one. "Sit on laps?! What, do I look like a pet to you, lady?"

My cat actually purrs and yells at the same time if I startle her by getting too physical too quickly.

[Liberal Veteran]

79. And don't forget the ever so subtle..

"You don't actually expect me to 'go' in that filthy box do you?"

[Pacifist Patriot]

80. If I had a cat trying to tell me something...

I'd know it was time to the padded room. The day I live with a cat is the day Bush wins a presidential election fair and square.

[madrchsod]

84. never had a cat that was as

good as a dog in telling what they wanted. cats expect you to know and dogs don`t...

[yellowdogintexas]

87. Lewis says" Mwright Mnow", and he wants to play

Thomas says "MeNOw" and he wants me to cover up the blank spot in the bottom of the kitty dish.

Clark whines. Pure and simple, he whines. But then sometimes he will get up in your face and sort of do a combo purr and talk that sounds like "mulleckh" and rubs me with his head.

Zilla chirps.

They all snuggle.

[MrSlayer]

88. Yeah my cat has different meows for different things.

My one cat is very very vocal. He's got different voices for different things. You can tell if it's for food, water, door open, pet me, pleasure, anger, treats etc. He's quite unique. My other cat is silent all the time.

[beam me up scottie]

89. Definately!

One of my boys, Beaker, won't go to bed until I do. If I am surfing and he's ready, he will misbehave until I get up to punish him (I use a squirt-gun, really cruel, I know). He will run, jump on the bed and yell at me. He only does this late at night.I'm pretty sure they all talk to us, we just have to translate.
Did you ever step on your cat in the dark? I have learned to do the feline land-mine shuffle after some unfortunate incidents (blood-curdling screams really shock the system at 3am)
They are probably thinking:
"Mummy's walking towards me but I'm going to stay right here in the middle of the floor because I know she can see in the dark just like I can"