Do you think it's rude when someone doesn't reply to your PM?

[New Earth]

If you PM someone a message that warrants a reply, and you don't get a reply, but you know the person read it because you've seen them on the board since you sent it, and they still haven't replied, is that rude?

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

1. I think so

I'm still waiting on a reply to a message I sent several weeks ago. You know who you are, dammit!!!

[The Backlash Cometh]

2. I try to determine if a response is desired and if I don't feel like

there's a hanging question, I generally let it go. If I judge wrong, I hope they will feel comfortable enough to try again.

[kittycat1164]

3. I wouldn't know....

no one ever PMs me. :cry:

on edit: I don't PM either so, no one ever answers me. LOL

[tyedyeto]

How do you know if you have a PM?????

Never had one that I know of...........

[Droopy]

11. On the latest page or the lobby page

there will be a flashing red message that says "New Mail" or something like that. You just click on that message and it takes you to the PM. I will send you a PM so you will see how it works.

[tyedyeto]

15. Thanx............. n/t

[PartyPooper]

4. I don't get that many PM's. But, I usually reply to most.

Some don't warrant a reply.

:D

:hi:

[New Earth]

5. this one definately warranted a reply

it was asking someone's opinion on something.

[PartyPooper]

28. Then I would agree that it was rude for the other person not to reply.

[Straight Shooter]

6. Somebody once deleted my PM to them and they posted about it

That was the only way I knew what went wrong, because they posted a message like, "Someone just PM'd me and I deleted it."

So, it was just luck I happened to be in the thread and saw their post.

OTOH, Faye, you may have triggered a brain freeze where your correspondent is trying to match your intelligence and wit and is afflicted with writer's block :D

[New Earth]

7. no no that's not the case

i guess what i asked for an opinion on just sucked :cry:

[Straight Shooter]

21. Oh, bless your heart

Here, maybe this will make ya feel a little better :hug:

[New Earth]

23. aww thanks

i think i might have needed that :hug: :hi:

[Cadence]

52. You know what?

That exact same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I asked an opinion and didn't hear back. I thought the same thing you did, that what I asked about must have sucked. Reading this thread and that it happened to you too, made me feel better.... I guess it just happens. :shrug:
:hug:

[fluffernutter]

12. i've done that - hit delete instead of reply

by mistake. ack.

[Lorien]

46. Me too

damned embarrassing. :-(

[BiggJawn]

8. Depends on the message.

Some of them warrant a reply, but some don't. How long can you carry on a "Yeah, I agree" ping-pong game, f'instance?

And some PM's I've gotten go straight into the Mod's "inbox"...

This is modern Murka, anyway. Rudeness is a Virtue now...:-(

[Straight Shooter]

25. Rudeness is a virtue, BiggJawn?

F you, it is not!

:D

[BiggJawn]

33. Hey, I got yer RUDENESS...

Right HERE!!!
:D

[fluffernutter]

9. send them another one

telling them you're thinking of them, maybe that'll remind them to respond :)

[New Earth]

10. nah i'm sure they see this post

and think i'm an immature whiney bitch now :crazy:

[JohnKleeb]

13. Nah

I generally try to be prompt but it doesnt bother me if someone is late.

[Maddy McCall]

14. I don't think so...if the PM is just to convey info, then it doesn't

matter if they reply or not. I'm guilty of getting PMs during a very busy week in my life and failing to reply later. I certainly didn't mean anything by not replying, and I hope none of my DU friends think that I am a turd for forgetting to reply.

[New Earth]

16. it wasn't just to convey info

it was laying out my soul :cry:


ok well maybe not that far, but still...

[JohnKleeb]

18. When you havent resonded to me, I havent been upset FYI

[New Earth]

19. me?

[JohnKleeb]

20. no maddy

I dont know if we've exchanged pm, btw hi though.

[New Earth]

22. hi

:hi:

[JohnKleeb]

24. hi how goes it tonight?

Leaving the computer in 40 mins to watch some TV then go to bed.

[New Earth]

26. good, just got home from the movies

took my daughter to see Racing Stripes - IT WAS SO GOOD, I CRIED!!!!

[JohnKleeb]

29. didnt know you had a kid

Racing Stripes is that movie about the animals right with all those celeb voices?, sounds like a movie my brother will see.

[New Earth]

31. yeah she's 4

it was so good. yeah it is about animals on a farm - the owner of the farm finds a baby zebra on the road (i think he almost hit it, but we missed the first two minutes).....he takes the zebra back to the farm, the daughter wants to keep it, and the zebra grows up thinking it is a horse and wants to be race horse......man it's so good! child or adult!

[JohnKleeb]

38. yeah I saw the preview for it

I think my three old brother is gonna wanna see it.

[Maddy McCall]

32. Wow. Now I feel like a real heel.

I must be a true jerk not to respond to you. :-)

Since we PM so much, I just assumed that you know when I agree with you and don't respond. :-)

For whenever I haven't responded if you were expecting me to, I offer my most sincere apologies. :-)

[JohnKleeb]

37. you dont need to apologize

[SW FL Dem]

17. I would think it was rude but then I have only sent a few

PMs about a DU gathering and only to those people who said they wanted info. In my case, another DUer and I planned a gathering and had 20-25 people saying they were coming. Unfortunately only 4 of the 20=25 actually showed up.

[RagingInMiami]

41. Where abouts in SW Florida do you live?

Are there that many DUers in SW Florida?

[SW FL Dem]

55. There are at least 4 of us in Collier County

and there are several people in the Ft. Myers, Sarasota and Tampa areas.

[Floogeldy]

27. Some stupid people, like me

Don't bother to check their PMs. It could be inadvertent.

[New Earth]

30. quite possible

and i am overly sensitive sometimes so that could be part of it too.

[RagingInMiami]

34. Tell us who it was and we'll crucify that person for being rude

[New Earth]

35. nah, cuz see

i'm nice and respectful like that

grrr

[salin]

36. Not knowing the content of the PM I can only respond

by saying that some people are less inclined to get into more personal conversations by PM with folks unless they have already had numerous on line and public conversations and through those have gotten a good sense of the person with whom they are conversing. Just a wariness of the millieu of online communities and the anonymity afforded by the medium - and a wariness of even 'cool' sounding folks until one gets a sense that the affinity is real rather than manufactured/created/tailored - and only over a bit of time is such consistency sensed. Other folks are much more friendly and ready to get into private conversations more quickly. If you had not been in private conversations much before, than I wouldn't take the lack of response personally - as it may be more about the person to whom you PMed (that they are the type who takes a long time to warm up to a PM type give and take... and the issue is them and their need for time/familiarity first rather than with any other individual who might send them a PM - ino anyone would get the same cool response (via lack of response) from that person. I just say that as one who does not engage in PMs very often - and who through some hard knocks of life has become rather cautious... and that personal tendency is just heightened on an on-line community as it is harder to get to the point of familiarity which is needed for me to get involved in more personal types of conversations. I do hope, that if I have not responded to a PM that people do not take it personally - but rather than a) I am not online very much anymore and b) I just like to talk out in public more than I do in private - and that is a style thing and comfort level that is about me, not about those who might PM me.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

39. Once I was flooded with PM's (only once mind you)

And, I really thought I'd replied to everyone. Then TWO WEEKS later I noticed one from really nice person I had overlooked.

I'm just saying it may have been an accident. :)

Or they could have been raised by repugs and have no manners, I don't really know. :shrug:

[New Earth]

47. that happened to me about 2 weeks ago

now nobody loves me :cry:

[Lone_Star_Dem]

48. Yes they do.

Just PM them and say something nice. They'll respond in no time. :)

[Little Wing]

40. I can't even get pms here yet, and I think

that it's not necessarily rude, no. You don't know that the person read the message, you only know they've posted on the boards since you sent it. Not everyone spends their time checking to see if new messages have been received. You also don't know that there aren't more seriously important (at least to them) things going on in their life. Maybe that persons secret girlfriend/boyfriend is on the verge of breaking it off and getting to your message just isn't a priority for the individual just now. Maybe the person is on their way out to help a friend pull their car out of the snow and they'll get to your message when they return.

But mostly, I think it's more than a bit rude and pushy to post a public message questioning why your message wasn't replied to yet and take a poll on how big a breach of etiquette that might be. If someone did such a thing to me, I doubt they'd ever get a reply.

[Guaranteed]

42. If, like you said, the message "warrants" a reply- absolutely.

It's very rude.

[salin]

43. It would be just like you to send out

warrants by PM... *muttering: internet police* (joking!)

[Guaranteed]

44. Who, me?

Nah, I'm an ACLU guy. :)

[salin]

45. just something

about the idea of "warrant" going out (worded) in a PM struck my funny bone :hi:

[T Town Jake]

49. Why, did you PM me?...

... :P

[auntAgonist]

50. It is rude.

I extended an invitation to someone, they accepted. I PM'd to see if all was ok, they have ignored me since. the person was pleased with the invitation, very much so. I'm terribly disappointed. This was an invitation to discuss something in a small forum I own. :(


I won't extend and invite again to anyone because of it.

[salin]

51. sorry for that experience...

maybe s/he was honored - but got cold feet (small forums are so much less anonymous which is more scary, esp for "shy" folks - as when folks don't respond to a post, or do but disagree strongly, it can be more intimidating) ??

On a different front, what about when one receives unsolicited PMs that attempt to drag one into a third party drama? Had that happen before because I was perceived to be friendly. Politely declined, was PMed again, tried to more firmly explain why I was declining to get involved... there came a point when the only response was a nonresponse. That doesn't sound like the situation on this thread, but there are times when PMs can feel like an obligation (and worse, an intrusion) rather than a voluntary correspondance.

[auntAgonist]

53. I refuse to get dragged into drama like that.

If a person won't take no for an answer, I think it's ok to PM them, let them know you're putting them on ignore and follow through.

[New Earth]

54. for all i know

i've probably been rude to the person before and not realized it, so now they don't give a shit. i do that sometimes :shrug:

[bearfan454]

56. It depends

Maybe their computer is off or they never go to the lobby once they start posting. If it several days and they have been posting then I would just think they don't want to respond.