Idiot Customer of the Day

[jmowreader]

Fluorescent bulbs come in several varieties. You have your Cool White, your Deluxe Cool White, your Daylight, Black Light, Aquarium Light (in many variations on that theme), Weed Growing Light...all of which describe the light the bulb emits. A Weed Growing Light has phosphors specifically selected to produce a light that encourages your marijuana plants to flourish. You get the idea.

You need to know this because today a customer asked me for a fluorescent light bulb. I handed him a tube that said "Daylight" on the package.

"I can't use this bulb."
'Why not?'
"Because I'm going to use the light at night too. I need one that says "Night Light" on the package.

When I attempted to explain to the customer that "Daylight" bulbs work at night too and that's just the color of the light, he got pissed off. Okay, let's try a different bulb. I got a "Deluxe Cool White" bulb.

"I don't want that bulb either."
'Why, sir?'
"Because it's red. I don't want no red light in my house."
'What do you mean, red?'
"See this red stripe? That's what color the bulb is. They always put the color of light in these stripes."

Yeah, the idiocy is just stackin' up here today, ladies and gents...finally I pulled out the aquarium light bulb. "This light bulb produces a brilliant white light. It will encourage healthy growth in your plants. It will make your wife look radiant. Your dishes will look bright white even if they're blue now. This is the very best bulb we have and it comes with a satisfaction guarantee." This is the bulb he took home...at double the cost but he rejected every other bulb in the building. (And yes, he rejected the weed growing light because it produces green light.)

There are days you wish the company would let you call one customer a week a dumb-ass without penalty; some of 'em surely need it.

[NightTrain]

1. Lord have mercy!

Is there anything worse than an idiot who thinks he's well-informed?

[Orsino]

3. Only thing worse is the same idiot...

...strategically shaven, stuffed in a suit, and installed in the Oval Office.

[vixengrl]

2. He was going by the colored stripes?

I'm thinking he's not a strong reader, maybe.

("I'm going to use the light at night, too--" Shame. You could have sold him a solar-powered flashlight if he wasn't so swift.)

[seriousstan]

4. I was at Galyan's buying a case of clay skeet for shooting

and the cashier multiplied the number in the case by the price. Total...$340. I bet she was fired from a grocery store for charging 8 billion dollars for a bag of rice.

[Richard Steele]

5. Who wants to bet a nickle on how this genius voted?

jmowreader, I feel your pain!

[General Zod]

6. I'm so thankful that I don't work in retail anymore.

I did it for 8 years and had many an idiot customer.

[nankerphelge]

7. Sounds about right...

I constantly underestimate (or misunderestimate as the case may be) the level of stupidity of the people I run into every day. I need to stop doing that.

[punpirate]

8. Just for future reference...

... the horticultural lights produce a higher amount of light in the lower wavelengths, tending to red, rather than green light. The reason for this is that leaves reflect green light--that's why they look green to the eye--and absorb other wavelengths.

But, yes, you should be able to have at least one free customer dope slap every week. Retail pernonnel turnover would be much lower if that were policy. :P

[BlueJazz]

9. These posts always remind me of my horrible days as a ....

.... Manager for Home Depot.

I bought this light bulb 2 days ago and it burned out.
I see, Sir...is that why the base of the bulb is rusty as hell?

I bought this Lawn Mower this morning and it won't work.
Did you add oil before starting it?
...Ahh...well...ah...Sure!
I see, so why is there no oil in the crankcase now?

I need to finish wallpapering my bedroom and your salesman says you don't have any more of that wallpaper.
When did you buy it?
Last Week...it was in the "Discontinued Wallpaper bin"
Did you read the sign that said "This wallpaper is discontinued and Home Depot CANNOT order any more so MAKE SURE you buy enough for your project." ???
Yes...Can you order me some more?
AGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

[MattBaggins]

12. My two favorites

Sir I need a 5000 amp fuse for my stereo. I didn't say anything since I knew what he really needed and handed hima 5000 mili-amp fuse. He proceeds to yell at me for giving him a 5000 miliamp fuse. Insists he needs a 5000 amp fuse. I finally look at him and tell him that unless he is plugging his stereo directly into the local nuclear reactor, he does not need a 5000 amp fuse.



Sir do you have camouflage spray paint?

Yes we have vaious subdued paints; forest green, black, dessert tan, beige, we have them all.

No no sir, I want just one can. The kind that sprays the camo pattern all from one can.

Uhmm there is no such thing.

Yes there is. You don't know anything, you are an idiot...... on and on

Wow sir that sounds really amazing. I'm wondering though, how does the nozzle know when to stop spraying green and start spraying black?

[BlueJazz]

14. Geez

"how does the nozzle know when to stop spraying green and start spraying black?"

That's an easy question..There's a 5000 Amp fuse and Nuclear Reactor tied to the nozzle. :)

A 5000 Amp Fuse?..Christ, the thing would be the size of a Garbage Can.. LOL!

[jmowreader]

18. And can you imagine the wires going to it?

More like wiring the fucking thing with one-inch rebar!

I did a quick web search for 5000-amp fuses; most of them seem to be used in atom smashers. Come on, wouldn't you want a circuit breaker for that damn much juice?

[DS1]

13. Hahaha, I bullshitted to a Home Depot employee about a project

some friends and I were doing, basically taking one of those 5 gallon office water cooler jugs and making a giant 5 person water filtrated hooka about it, with clear tubing and a HUGE bowl. We ended up buying a dozen 2 inch square screen door patches, 16 feet of cabling, waterproof sealant, some nozzles for mouth pieces and a huge bolt/connector for the bowl. I told the guy we were interconnecting fish tanks in order to let the fish swin from one to the other, the old guy looked at me like he wanted to slap me for being such a damn kid dope smoker :D

Still, we got it running, and much like the Freak Brothers, all did the "FLASH!" through our skulls and fell over backwards after our first enormous hit :D :smoke:

[BlueJazz]

15. Oh...Man...I wish I could have been there to "Help" you with...

...your project....In fact,in the spirit of good-Customer relations, I would have been derelict in my duties if I didn't offer to do some serious, long-lasting "Testing" for you!

[jmowreader]

17. Trust me, you didn't fool him for a second

See, we KNOW when you damn kid dope smokers are making bongs. You can't hide it from us.

[DS1]

19. Yeah, but you still sell us piping equipment

and I know you know what I'm up to, and you might know that I know that you know what I'm up to, but business is business and if you'll please find me the correct plant food I'll pay cash and be on my way :7

[jmowreader]

20. You never heard of "dual use technology"?

"But officer, he looked like such a clean-cut boy! How were WE to know he was going to use that skid of one-inch PVC pipe and five skids of flourescent lighting fixtures to turn his parents' whole basement into a marijuana farm?"

[democracyindanger]

10. so glad

So freakin' glad I got out of sales a loooong time ago.

[baldguy]

11. Whoever said "The customer is always right" was lying.

guy on phone: I'd like to order part # XYZ.

me: OK. It's $49.95, but we don't have them in stock right now. They are on order, but I don't have an ETA date yet.

guy: So, when are they gonna come in?

me: I don't know - there's ... no ... ETA ... date.

[NYC Liberal]

16. Wonder if the guy's reading this right now.

:D