Found out the local TV reporter has been talking shit about me.

[HEyHEY]

Just found out from a colleague.

I know why...

A: I live with the girl he's stalking and probably thinks I'm sleeping with her. (He's THAT kinda wacko)
B: I've been kicking his ass in coverage and he's bitter - he's the kinda lil bitch that would get all pissy about that - little primadonna fuck. Plus I'm a better dresser than him... so I bet he's pissed about that too. He's one of those little punk types.

Course of action?

I kinda like JVS's idea of pinning him down and farting on his head.

[StopTheMorans]

1. You know what you do with a guy like that?You take him to the swirlie show

*flush, flush, flush, flush*

[HEyHEY]

4. yeah! Tomorrow at the police briefs!

[aden_nak]

2. Dead fish in the glove box.

'nuff said.

[TXlib]

47. No, you gotta get behind the dashboard

It's too easy to find in the glove box.

[Z_I_Peevey]

3. TV reporter? Hide his hair spray.

[smirkymonkey]

10. LOL!

Did you ever see "Hollywood Shuffle"? Reminds me of the scene where they took Jeri Curl's hair activator away from him. Very funny!

[B Calm]

5. Send him a bouquet of dead roses!!! Addressed from:

Someone who wants to get to know you better...

[TlalocW]

6. No, no, no...

Get a bunch of people in on this. You'll need them to mention off-handedly whenever in his presence that they smell peanuts/peanut butter.

Have them sniff the air and ask if someone has peanut brittle.
Have them ask who had peanut butter sandwiches for lunch?
Have them say, "I don't know why, but I'm suddenly hungry for peanuts."

Eventually, the guy will realize it's always happening to him and start washing himself obsessively and be convinced he smells of peanuts.

He'll be in the nuthouse (ha-ha) in 6 months' time.

TlalocW

[HEyHEY]

7. When do we beat him?

[TlalocW]

8. When he's carted away

Chanting, "peanut butter, peanut brittle, shelled peanuts, Spanish peanuts, peanut butter cookies, reese's peanut butter cups, everything's peanuts... PEANUTS, I TELL YOU! PEEEEEEEEEEANUTS!"

You'll have beaten him.

TlalocW

[B Calm]

9. Super glue the windshield wipers on his car.

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. I'll talk shit about you, if you'd like.

Asswad.

[HEyHEY]

14. Cock juggling thundercunt

[redqueen]

19. Now *that* is a damn fine insult.

[tigereye]

23. yes, but what does it really mean?

;)

hi Redqueen!

[redqueen]

37. Given the crackdown on talk related to sexual matters

I'll respond in a PM.

:hi:

Hi tigereye!

[Magrittes Pipe]

24. I love you, HEyHEY.

:loveya:

[HEyHEY]

29. oo la la

[RetroLounge]

31. Damn, now that is one hell of a comeback.

and describes Hedges pretty well too...

:hi:

RL

[Rabrrrrrr]

35. ROTFL!!

That's hilarious!

I'm gonna use that one someday.

[warrens]

12. Get your roommate to make a tape of moans

Oh, HeyHey, don't stop. Don't EVER stop.

Make sure it goes on for a full side of the tape.

Then mail it to him.

[Book Lover]

13. You know, I shouldn't be telling you this

But as a person whose father has been a profesional chef for more than 60 of his nearly 80 years, I know a few things you can drop in his drink to give him the trots with no lasting side effects. Perfect for those rubber chicken luncheons.

[BikeWriter]

15. Uh, has anyone mentioned a potato in his exhaust pipe?

;)

[B Calm]

16. Spay foam works even better...

[HEyHEY]

17. I'll stuff it with my roomates panties

[BikeWriter]

20. Sounds cool.

:-)

[Bouncy Ball]

18. Go to your local hunting supply store.

Get that really nasty stanky stuff called deer musk or whatever. Get a syringe.

Place the needle of the syringe between the glass of his car window and the black rubber seal at the base of the window and squeeze that shit into his car door.

He will NEVER EVER be able to get the smell out and he will NEVER EVER be able to figure out where it is coming from.

Seriously. He might not even be able to SELL the car.

Then do the peanut thing someone mentioned above. That's a good one, too. Combine those and he'll really lose it.

[Downtown Hound]

21. Ah, media wars, brings back memories from my days as an account executive

Okay, this may be a boring response and not nearly as fun as you may want, but my advice? Ignore him and keep kicking his ass. That's the single most effective thing you can do to drive him crazy. Also, show up at events he's likely to attend with the girl he's stalking in tow. It'll drive him even crazier.

Or you could just key his car. Whatever you want. :evilgrin:

[HEyHEY]

22. It's funny this little city has a great media

We all hang out sometimes.... except this ass...no one likes this ass.

We always make fun of what a talentless shithead he is trying to coast on a haircut.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

25. Oh my god, this is like the fight scene in Anchorman!

Can I be Spanish News 4?

COMO ESTAS, BITCHES?!

[HEyHEY]

28. PBS is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass!

We were making jokes about that earlier.

[JohnKleeb]

33. fine if I get the guy who gets his arms cut off

[msgadget]

26. Announce your engagement to said female.

[B Calm]

27. You need one of those remote control fart machines...

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

32. Hey, I have one.

Anytime you want to borrow it, Heyhey, it's all yours :D

[Shananigans]

30. Obviously jealousy...

I mean...HELLO. Does he KNOW who you are? (well, quite obviously, considering his jealousy)

You need not dignify him with a response to his jealousy. Or the farting on his head thing works...

[JohnKleeb]

34. I like JVS' idea too

and yes this is a lot like that scene in Anchorman.

[HEyHEY]

36. I'd kick his ass too

Lil' bitch that he is!

[KamaAina]

38. My son, do you not know Ti Kwan Leep, the Canadian art of self-defense?

Patiently contemplate the inner essence of this primadonna fuck.

Then go out there and boot some head!

[CatBoreal]

39. Boot to the head!

[HEyHEY]

40. Yippe ky yaay!

[Worst Username Ever]

41. dupe

[Worst Username Ever]

42. dupe

[Worst Username Ever]

43. dupe

[HEyHEY]

44. ?

[Worst Username Ever]

45. !

[Worst Username Ever]

46. I AM THE MASTER THREAD KILLER!!!