2 straight years of disappointment for me.

[coloradodem2005]

In early 2003, I lost my student teaching position because they said that "I needed more experience" even though I had done everything required of me until that point. Couldn't find a job that did not involve phone solicitation. A friend died last year, Bush got re-elected and I did poorly in Graduate school. So, what wonders await me this year?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

1. Have you talked to a counselor or adviser or anyone ?

[Lorien]

2. You might want to join us here:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=255&topic_id=1563&mesg_id=1563

[BikeWriter]

3. So you're going to convince someone they should employ you...

... and pay you vast sums of money. :-)

[babylonsister]

4. I realize it's late, but have you counted your blessings?

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

5. It's called "life". Welcome to it.

If that's ALL you've suffered, then consider yourself lucky. The fun has yet to begin!

[coloradodem2005]

7. In that case, I hope I die really soon.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

9. I agree Prisoner_Number_Six .

You can't change your friend dying but you have to learn that life does not always go as plan . Your life is going to go where its supposed to go .

[coloradodem2005]

10. So far, it looks like it's supposed to go straight into the gutter.

n/t

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

13. If was to share all of the things ...

that I have been through in the past 5 years , I would need my own section on the DU . I know that right now my words don't mean anything because you are probably feeling like all hope is lost . You are putting pressure on yourself and that is not good .

[Lex]

6. I'm sorry things have been so crappy, coloradodem

Sounds like all the bad junk could be pressing on you something awful--maybe even to the point you need to talk to a counselor or a doctor?

Take care of yourself. Sometimes when you are starting out in life, things are real rough but get better over time. Hang in there.

[coloradodem2005]

8. Things have not gotten a lick better in the last two years.

I don't think they will start.

[hfojvt]

11. You know the punch-line...

So I cheered up,
and things got worse.

[Lex]

12. Well, let me ask you these things . . .

what DOES make you happy generally? What do you enjoy or look forward to? What things catch your interest?

[Bouncy Ball]

14. Colorado

please seriously consider seeing a counselor. There are some who charge based on your ability to pay (sliding fee scale) and if you are unemployed, it's next to nothing in some places. It has helped me tremendously in the past!!!

:hug: I hope things get better soon, hon.

[intheflow]

15. Are you looking back?

"When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
-- Alexander Graham Bell

If you're finding yourself only looking back, unable to look ahead with hope, it is time to go talk to someone. I'm a counselor, this is what I would recommend based on your posting.

Take care of yourself! :hug:

[coloradodem2005]

16. There needs to be hope if you can look ahead with hope.

I cannot see any hope. There is no hope.

[gardenista]

17. I'm concerned for you.

Please get some help from someone who is trained to help you deal with what you're going through. This is a just a message board, and though there are well-meaning people who want you to feel better, no one here is equipped to give you the kind of advice you probably need.

There is no shame in getting help when you're feeling this way. Most counseling services offer very low cost sessions, based on ability to pay. Most people have needed help when things look hopeless. Try this link:

http://www.mentalhealth.org/databases/MHDR.asp?D1=CO&Type=MDR

I wish you all the best. I know you have a lot to offer. Please take care of yourself.

[Ron Green]

18. What I found when I was feeling just as you are:

I started counting my blessings, as someone has mentioned here, and not focusing on my troubles. And when I had done this for a while, good things started showing up in my life. And it's still happening for me this way, and I believe it will for you too.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

22. I agree.

It's a matter of focusing on the positive, not the negative.

I think a lot of people go through some sort of depression stage in their lives. I did when I was 15. I actually think I learned a lot about how to cope with and respond to bad situations from going through my depressed period. I haven't gone through a depression since then because I think I'm just more capable of handling stress now. I also am more aware of the amount of stress I can handle, so I prevent some stress in my life by not taking on too many responsibilities. Some stress cannot be prevented because it is out of your control, but I think you can minimize this kind of stress by staying positive.

[hfojvt]

24. Boy do I know how he feels

and I also know how much people who are down hate hearing the "count your blessings" mantra. Do you know the line's to Meatloaf's "Life is a Lemon and I want my money back?"
They go back and forth.
"What about friends? They're defective, all the parts are out of stock." Really, that song might work as "scream therapy" although these days I prefer dance therapy. A song like "Walking on Sunshine" or "Bad Reputation" makes me wanna dance.
I did one experiment when I was in college. I kept a diary and if I had a good day, I made my entry with a blue pen. If I had a bad day, I made my entry with a black pen. At the beginning most of the entries were black, but after a while ALL of the entries were blue. Nothing had substantially changed in my life, except, apparently, my attitude. After two or three straight weeks of "good" days, I stopped the experiment.

[babylonsister]

19. There is always hope. See this.

http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/2529/4candles.swf

That's what we live for. Believe it! Our country has done amazing things, and you can help with that.

[Kire]

21. Or this.

http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm

[hfojvt]

20. and don't you hate it

when a new door opens and it peels your toe-nail back like a banana skin.
Meant to be funny, but I really hate that optimistic crap "doors will open, there's someone for you, etc." I say examine your life, consult your friends, and find things you can do which will make things better, even if only infinitesimally. Sometimes you gotta kick the doors down, even after you sprained an ankle trying. Also, "be excellent to yourself, and party on dude".
Okay, maybe a PS. I hated graduate school most of the time I was there, but I realized after I got my MA and got out, that things would probably have been easier - I could have taken fewer classes and spent more time working on my dissertation. Still, I think the real-world experience I got would make me a better economics teacher, but the fact that I do not have a PhD means I will never be able to get a job teaching economics. Funny how that works.

[coloradodem2005]

48. How about that light at the end of the tunnel may be a train.

n/t

[Kire]

23. nothing's ever going to get better

you're just going to accept that, or you're not

[coloradodem2005]

So. I will never find a worthwhile job and...

...will be alone for the rest of my life. It's nice to have things to look forward to.

[coloradodem2005]

25. So. I will never find a worthwhile job and...

...will be alone for the rest of my life. It's nice to have things to look forward to.

[Kire]

26. you can make it worthwhile

but you have to decide that it is, that was what I was getting it

[Name removed]

28. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

27. You are only what 24 , 25 or somewhere right ?

You have just started to " live " . Seriously , you need to talk to a counselor .

[hfojvt]

29. My old bachelor friend used to say

They are worse things than being single, and one of them can be being married.
Of course, according to a Newsweek chart, being an unmarried male has the same impact on your health as smoking two packs of cigarettes a day.
I must say that it definitely gets alot harder to find someone when you get out of school. Also, that finding someone does not solve all your problems. It just gives you new ones. My immediate reaction to my "girlfriend" dumping me was actually relief, because I no longer had to worry about losing her.

[coloradodem2005]

32. God. All that school and there was never a girl who liked me.

A few extreme loco weirdo girls but nothing beyond that.

[housewolf]

30. Colorado,

What is it you want people here to say to you and/or give to you?

How can we help?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

31. We have been saying the same thing for months ...

I feel for him because I know how he feels but sometimes life does not give you what you want .

[Lorien]

52. He's clinically depressed CarolinaPeriot

It doesn't really matter what life dishes out or doesn't dish out. His brain isn't producing enough seratonin for him to cope with any of it. It's an illness, like cancer or MS, and it too can be fatal.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

53. Yes I know and he sounds like how I was at age 19 .

I just hope he gets help before its too late and DU is not the place for him to get help .

[coloradodem2005]

35. I'd like to believe that I am not a failure.

However, those idiot teachers who threw me out of Student Teaching for no appearent reason have given me enough reason to think otherwise. It has really given me a negative view of teachers as well as myself. But the fact that I have seen the lives of my friends progress the last 2 years while my life has completely regressed has completely compounded on my negative feelings. My problem is that as a little kid, I had a lot of problems. I didn't know how to behave and I was in special ed. in Elementary school. I think my family feared the worst for my future and so did I. Over time, things got better. Partly due to me learning how to deal with school, and myself and maybe partly because of my growing fear that I would not have a good future if I didn't. But I did really well in High School. I swore to my self, to God and to everyone that I would never let anything that would ruin my life happen to me when I started doing well. I would get into college and I would get a job I wanted of my choosing and I would not be disgraced because I would work really hard. I feared that I would end up in a situation similar to the one that I am in if I did not work hard. So, I worked hard. I attained my Bachelor's Degree. I wanted to teach because I felt that teachers had done a lot for me and I wanted to give back. Then I got screwed. What cruel irony it is that the thing that I feared might ultimately happen happened, not because of anything I did, but in spite of it. It is funny. The group of people that I credited for years for helping me the most (teachers) were the same group who hurt me the most. And what a cruel irony that the thing that I feared most came to be in spite of how hard I tried to prevent it. So, I have come full-circle. I went from being a dysfunctional little idiot of a kid to a dysfunctional idiot of and adult. I effectively became a failure. A failure as a teacher and a failure in society because I could not land a job and I had to go back to living at home with my parents. I swore I wouldn't let it happen and it still happened. Everyone says that you can control your life, but I lost faith in my ability to do so when I got hurt by the teachers. I would never teach again. I would never want to join ranks with people like that.

[housewolf]

36. What are you doing now?

How do you pay your rent and your internet connection? What's your living situation?

[coloradodem2005]

37. I live at home.

Because I cannot find a job.

[housewolf]

38. Do you mean

that you live with your parents and they totally support you and give you spending money? Do you receive any unemployment or anything?

[coloradodem2005]

40. I haven't really worked. I got screwed straight out of college.

See. I am a loser. I tried going to grad school and I flunked out.

[Droopy]

42. Take the time to realize what you have in your parents

You are having rough times and they are the only thing between your ass and the street. You are blessed right now to have them and for them to be so hospitable.

[Peak_Oil]

33. Peak oil.

Sorry, but it's only going to get worse.

[coloradodem2005]

34. I'm glad to hear it.

[asthmaticeog]

39. There's an old saying.

You can wish into one hand and shit in the other, and see which hand fills up first.

[Butterflies]

41. I felt kind of that way when I was in the end of college

I was really scared about the future. You have your parents as a safety net though, and that's something to appreciate (I didn't have anyone.) You have to keep fighting your way through, and eventually you'll land that teaching job and your life will take off from there.

I graduated college and found my current job when I had $18.00 left in the bank, so I was really desperate. Now I have a job I don't like very much but I appreciate being employed because I've seen the other side.

A job won't make you happy because there'll always be problems and things to complain about, but the attitude adjustment that others have posted about is the key to feeling better I think.

[coloradodem2005]

45. I do not want to teach.

I don't think much of teachers currently. Mainly because of what those horrible people did to me. But, I am extremely turned off to the profession.

My college degree has not impressed people so far.

[GreenPartyVoter]

43. Better thing await you! *hugs*

[Blue Diadem]

44. ColoradoDem,

After reading this thread, it sounds like you are letting outside forces define you, your worth, your life. Take negative comments and experiences and utilize them constructively, do not take them personally. They aren't who you are or what you will achieve in the future, they are bumps and potholes on the road through life that just seem like major mountains and valleys right now. You'll climb those mountains you see and be able to look back with accomplishment. It takes time.

[HEyHEY]

46. What you need.. is a prostitute

[Wat_Tyler]

47. Get some perspective - that's not a particularly bad year.

I imagine if you poll DU, the majority of DUers would have had a similar or worse time. Be thankful for what you've got and where you are.

[tjdee]

49. What happened with grad school?

I've been out of the loop on that--I'm outta there, waiting every day for my car to break down so I can not afford to get it fixed. :)
I'm oscillating wildly between feeling alright about that, and worrying I'm going to live in a cardboard box (and I have a kid!).

So are you out of there too?

Listen, you need to take some time to give yourself a break. You're so hard on yourself, and so pessimistic... it's like you live in a negative echo chamber and all you hear is bad bad bad.

Things aren't going to change by themselves, but right now you can work on your outlook.

Good luck!

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

50. Word .

[coloradodem2005]

51. I got a couple of C's last semester.

I took 3 classes, which may have been a mistake. The fact is, How much of a break do I need? I have had an involuntary vacation that lasted through 2003. A "break" certainly didn't help me then.

[tjdee]

54. It was an involuntary vacation, and I bet you didn't give yourself a break

then either.

It's not that you need a break so much that you need to be easier on yourself.

Tomorrow is a new day (eww, but it's true). So WHAT we did bad in grad school? Really. It's disappointing, but we're not going to fall down dead. I don't know if you've got parents who give you shit all the time or what, but no one is going to point their finger at you and say "ColoradoDem is a LOSER"! You can't keep reliving it and dwelling on it.

So you'll find something else to do. Maybe you'll start writing, or volunteering for your local Dem party (which could lead to a job), or anything. If you keep reliving your failures, when something presents itself you won't see it.

Relax. Have a drink. Watch some movies. It really WILL be okay.

[tjdee]

55. Also-- do you take any vitamins or supplements for your depression?

Are you at least eating nutritiously, exercising, and taking a multivitamin?

As some have said, you sound like you are clinically depressed.

I don't think you will go to a doctor, but you should. What you are feeling may be related in part to your brain and your physical health.

Also, you need to make sure you are helping your body--by exercising, getting enough sleep, LEAVING THE HOUSE, etc.

A simple multivitamin might help you feel at least a bit better.

[rasputin1952]

56. Every person I have ever known has gone through times like this...

I know what you are going through; but at the same time, I also know that you can and will come through his.

Try looking outside of your area of expertise for a job. You do not need to count on what you've already done, shift your career aims over a degree or two. Point is, you need support from both within the community and from within yourself. A job, almost any job will help with the latter immediately, and the former in time.

As you work, and live, you will come to an agreement with yourself, and try Grad school again. Just take one or two courses, don't bog yourself down.

Get out into the daylight, go to where you can meet people. Even the Unemployment office works for that...:) Move forward, the first step is inevitably the hardest....suddenly, you will realize that you are not a "failure", (by who's standards anyway? Only your standards count in that matter), you have already accomplished more than many others!

You need to make a step forward though, just take it, and you will see a great difference in just a matter of moments...:D

[NC_Nurse]

57. I agree with the above.

Action is the antidote to depression. Even small steps can pull you out of the well of hopelessness. Doing something for someone else can really pick you up too. Just because you're mad at teachers right now doesn't mean you wouldn't be a great teacher someday, and it's the students you'd be helping...not the other teachers. Someone who's gone through the struggle with a learning disability could really be a great resource for others.

If you can't get up the energy/hope/strength to take those first small steps out of the pit you're in you definitely need to see a therapist. Also, check out the forum on DU for mental health issues, you're not the only one who's down these days. Maybe others who have been there recently can share what they are doing to cope.

Hang in there! This won't last forever. :hug:

[coloradodem2005]

58. Let me tell you something.

When I was starting my student teaching, one of my teachers told me about some special ed kids. I mentioned off hand that I had been in Special Ed in the past. Later, they were talking to the school of ed at my university and I had a supervisor who they talked to. And they told her about me being in Special Ed. Just before I was removed from my placement, I was asked to come into the office at the University where the Practicum placement person works. They grilled me and tried to convince me to leave. The lady asked me this question "You told Mrs. _____ that you were in Special ed. Why did you not sign up for it here?" Here meaning at the university. I was so mad. I could never forgive her or any teacher for this. They betrayed me. This was something that was rare and yet it happened to me. There was no concrete reason, just a bunch of jargon. I don't want to join ranks with those people. Ever. Either the students did not want me there, or the teachers did not want to help me. In that case, everyone can go fuck themselves. They stabbed me in the back. Teachers stabbed me in the back. I used to believe that profession was noble. Boy was I wrong.