New disease "gonorrhea lectim"

[StephanieMarie]

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent
strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted
through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called
Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him").

Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4
years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from
this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include
but are not limited to:
Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a
distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language;
extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information;
pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions;
exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled
facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward
creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for
categorical, all-or nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are
amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few
years ago in a Texas Bush.