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michael_sedano
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News of the Future...January 19, 2009

AG YIELDS TO PRESSURE IN BOLD MOVE

by Juan Arbuthnot and Martinus Scribblerus

(Washington D.C.) Attorney General Gonzales today announced the indictment of outgoing President G.W. Bush for swearing falsely to protect and defend the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic. "The evidence is overwhelmingly obvious," the AG declared.

Gonzales' announcement shocked normally hard-bitten Washington reporters. "It's the toughest decision I've ever had to make," the Texas Latino told the gathered scribes. "But there's incontrovertible proof he placed his hand on a Bible and freely, knowingly, and willfully affirmed the oath."

Mr. Shrub's lawyers petitioned Chief Justice Thomas for injunctive relief, declaring "the attack on France was not an illegal act but a defense against French banks that cornered the market on the social security private investment program and led to its collapse."

In other news, the Army announced it would extend the tour of duty of the one million soldiers in Iraq indefinitely. In California, Gov. Arnold Schwartzenegger announced his plans to conscript paramilitary organizations into the California National Guard to meet the state's quota for troops targeted for overseas movement to Iraq. A spokesman for the Boy Scouts of America expressed support for the move.

Incoming President Barbara Boxer declared Gonzales' action "courageous" but pointed to the cloud hanging over the Attorney General's handling of torture allegations early in Mr. Shrub's second term. In the notorious case, FBI agents secretly detained Cartoonist Lalo Alcaraz, who, under alleged torture, disclosed the actual identities of members of the "Pocho" board, identifying all as "vegetarian communists". A spokeswoman for the FBI denied the missing Pochos had been tortured or disappeared, declaring "the so-called missing Pochos and their families are enjoying good treatment by Guantanamo guards".

President-elect Boxer would not comment on rumors she would declare defeat in Iraq and bring the troops home immediately.
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