Some gay humour..........

[Pert_UK]

"Being gay is a bit like being a taxi driver....You spend a lot of time with somebody looking at the back of your neck."

Heard (from a gay man) on BBC2 tonight.

"The word 'gay' has a new meaning these days. In my day you could go to a gay bar, meet a gay man, go home and have gay sex and it had absolutely no homosexual overtones whatsoever."

Little Britain, BBC comedy.

[Kikosexy2]

1. ahahahahaa...

give me more--I feel gay today. Oops, I'm gay everyday.

[Pert_UK]

2. Not sure whether you're taking the piss or not.....

IMHO one ought to be able to make jokes involving gay people without feeling guilty, provided the jokes satirise unacceptable attitudes towards homosexuality, are plainly absurdist humour or, in fact, are just plain funny.....

Equally so for black people, the English, any other minority / group......

Providing the humour isn't downright abusive (e.g. "What do you call 50 X's on a bus going over a cliff?.....A good start") the subject matter itself shouldn't be a problem.

"We're looking to employ a gay interface officer"

"I'm not really into face.....I'm more into bum."

The joke itself relies on the homosexuality of the protagonist because it wouldn't work otherwise, but it's not a joke at the expense of someone's homosexuality....if you see what I mean.

[Kikosexy2]

3. I'm gay...

so it didn't bother me one bit. I have a warped sense of humor I guess.

[Pert_UK]

4. Cool on both counts with me!

:toast:

Warped sense of humour is massively important....although not as important as the "u" in humour......

:evilgrin:

P.

[Kikosexy2]

7. If you're..

one who adores "Pink Flamingos" then you're my kinda guy!

[ronnykmarshall]

10. Eggman didn't do it, Babs. Eggman didn't do it!

How'd ya like that, Little Noodles?

[Kikosexy2]

21. There are...

people like me and assholes".....love that line.

[ronnykmarshall]

26. Well Miss Sandstone,

Miss Sandy Sandstone.

[Kikosexy2]

27. "Where shall we..

go next?... How about Boise? Boise Idaho it is. I'm just itching for some action".

[ronnykmarshall]

28. "I'm gonna start dressin' like a dyke.

With a pink D.A. and Elvis Presley sideburns!"

[MisterP]

13. the 2nd U, you mean

[Pert_UK]

16. Leave it, or I'll start signing myself 'Mr P' again....

:evilgrin:

P.

[MisterP]

48. hmour! hmour! hmour!

I have a Chimp AND a Bodybuilder lording over me; you just have a Poodle!

[Deja Q]

5. Dinna bother me either. I'm quite the fancy fairy and a true tinkerbell;

as queer as a 67 cent piece.

Didn't bother me. :7 Took a moment to figure out, but it was witty and by no means belligerent.

[trof]

6. Just don't start with us white hetero guys

cause it really pisses us off.
;-)

[Duncan Grant]

32. It's a fine line, Pert_UK.

Personally, I don't find most 'gay' jokes funny but I love the ones about stupid straight white Christian men. As long as it's all in good fun and all that...

[Misunderestimator]

33. LOL *slap on back*

[Pert_UK]

36. A stupid white Christian man walks into a bar carrying a sandwich....

Barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food."

SWCMan says, "That's OK, he's not thirsty...."

[Misunderestimator]

38. Oh no... this SWC joke is a much better companion to your gay one:

One Sunday morning during service, a 2,000 member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns. One of the men proclaimed,"Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ remain where you are."

Immediately, the choir fled, the deacons fled, and most of the congregation fled. Out of the 2,000 there only remained a handful of people.

The man who had spoken took off his hood, looked at the preacher and said "Okay Pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites. Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!" And the two men turned and walked out.

This is especially good too:

16 Reasons Why God Never Received Tenure at the University
Author Unknown
He had only one major publication
And it was in Hebrew
And it had no references
And it was not published in a refereed journal
And some even doubted that He wrote it Himself.
It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done since then?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate His results.
He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
When subjects did not behave as predicted, He often punished them, or just deleted them from the sample.
He rarely came to class: He just told students to read the book.
He has his son teach the class.
He expelled His first two students for learning too much.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed His tests.
His office hours were infrequent, and usually held on a mountain top."

http://www.infidels.org/misc/humor/tenure.html

[Duncan Grant]

41. Now that's a good joke!

You sir, are a rascal. (Got any more? :evilgrin: )

[Misunderestimator]

43. 50 Fun Things For Non-Christians To Do In Church

Some of my faves:

5. Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".
6. Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.
7. Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"
9. Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"
11. Start a wave.
15. When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"
17. Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.
19. If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"
20. Dress all in black, or in camo.
22. If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.
24. Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and socks.
25. Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.
27. Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side cartoons.
33. Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned, especially Stephen.
35. When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
36. Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick them.
40. Distribute condoms.
44. Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.

http://www.infidels.org/misc/humor/church_fun.html

[Duncan Grant]

46. You're a rascal, too!

Now I have to clean the monitor. :D :toast:

[Misunderestimator]

8. ... hmm... I don't get it...

back of the neck, gay? Oh... right... gay men, and they only have sex one way... whatever... doesn't seem that funny to me.

[Kikosexy2]

9. Actually..

we don't have sex just one way--let's say we're flexible like Gumby.

[Pert_UK]

11. I know a lot of heteros were confused by "Oscar" the film....

where Oscar Wilde and his partner have sex face to face....

"Wow! Can they actually do that??!?!?"

Well duh......

(Gumby?)

[Misunderestimator]

12. Well, to start... I was being sarcastic...

plus I don't think that jokes that imply that gay men=anal sex are very funny, since it's just another passive method to keep people thinking that way... gay=sex.. gay=sex... gay=sex... why are most gay jokes about sex?

Also... gay women rarely end up staring at the backs of eachothers' necks... so the whole "being gay is like being a cab driver" thing just doesn't strike me as very funny.

[Pert_UK]

14. It's not compulsory to find it funny......n/t

[Misunderestimator]

29. Hahaha... yeah... um... I read in the rules somewhere that you don't have

to find something funny to post about it either. :eyes:

[Duncan Grant]

30. Now THAT'S funny!

:D :D :D

[Misunderestimator]

31. Hey, sweetie!!

California's beautiful today isn't it!! :hi:

[Duncan Grant]

35. Are we lucky or what?

You couldn't get me to return to snow and ice for any amount of love or money! :D

[newsguyatl]

23. i agree, misunderestimator

[Bluebear]

17. I didn't get it either

but I thought it was just me or it's a regional humour thing. :)

[Kurovski]

15. I particularly enjoyed the second crack.

It's a nice tip of the Bowler to Kinsey.

Lots of people are "gay-lite", and that just drives the Fundies nuts.

Seriously, resisting it causes obsessive mental and emotional problems for them. And in the long run, that's not especially funny for anyone.

[Kikosexy2]

18. "You're...

all a bunch of cocksuckers!" (from "Muriel's Wedding)--had to throw that in.

[Pert_UK]

19. As the promiscuous man said to the.....oh never mind........

:evilgrin:

Little Britain is a great comedy show satirising the British "man on the street"'s view of everything....

"British justice is the best justice in the world, and anyone who says it isn't is either a gay, a mental or a woman......."

[Kikosexy2]

22. too much...

"Benny Hill"?

[Touchdown]

20. Filthy- What's the difference between a swimmer & a diver?

Mark Spitz and Greg swallows.

[eyepaddle]

24. Ow, now

that one's a rough break for the ot of us!

[Kikosexy2]

25. hahahahaaha...

love it. Pitcher or catcher? Center or Wide Receiver or QB?

[Pert_UK]

34. What's the difference between Calista Flockhart and a fake dollar?

Well, one's a phoney buck, and the other's a......

(Spoonerisms boys, spoonerisms...).

[no name no slogan]

37. Favorite gay joke

Guy #1: "My mother made me a gay man"
Guy #2: "If I gave her some yarn, could she make me one, too?"

[Misunderestimator]

39. LOL

:thumbsup:

[Pert_UK]

40. A gay man walks into a furniture store and says....

"Excuse me, do you serve pouffes?"

Now clearly, that joke doesn't work unless the protagonist is gay...but is it in any way anti-gay? I really don't think so.....

[Kurovski]

42. A gay man walks into a butcher shop...

and selects a two pound salami.

"Shall I slice it for you?" asks the butcher.

The man responds, "Whaddaya think I am, a coin bank?"

[Pert_UK]

44. "A gay man walks into a butcher shop..."

and says to the butcher, "Have you got pig's trotters?".

Butcher says, "No, I'm walking like this because my new shoes are a bit tight...."

[Pert_UK]

45. "A gay man walks into a butcher shop..."

and says to the butcher, "A pound of fillet."

Butcher says, "A pound you don't!"

/need to say it out loud and be British to get this joke

[Kurovski]

47. Betting a pound

that he can fill it?

The butcher, no nancy-boy he, responds indignantly?

[Pert_UK]

49. Kind of.....

The original joke is that the customer says to the girl behind the counter, "A pound of fillet" (which as you rightly point out, sounds like "(I bet) A pound I'll fill it."

I've always assumed that the response either implied a particularly capacious toot-toot of the woman, or more likely she's implying his got a small wang.......

It could just be indignation though - I'd never really thought of that option!

/Obviously has mind in gutter.