A question for wives only

[GOPFighter]

OK, this is just a hypothetical question for all you wives. Let's say you bought some soft-batch chocolate chip cookies for you and your husband to share, and lets say he started eating his share a little early. And lets say - remember this is just hypothetical - lets say your husband got really interested in something, like reading posts on DU, and he sort of ate more than his share.

OK, let's assume he ate all of them before you got a single one. This is really no big deal, right? I mean they're just cookies, and they really aren't that good for you. In fact you might even say he was doing you a FAVOR by eating them all.

Knowing how much you love your husband and how patient he is when you make mistakes, you wouldn't get mad would you?

Remember, this is just a hypothetical question. It doesn't mean I've done anything wrong, okay? I'm just a little curious...

[yardwork]

1. All will be forgiven when you go out and buy more - immediately

And bake them yourself. Immediately. And present them to your wife in bed.

Otherwise, you are toast.

[JanMichael]

2. Die dirtbag

what the HELL do you mean you haven't done anything wrong???

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

14. HEY!

[JanMichael]

15. Hey!!

back atcha! :)

[IronLionZion]

3. go to the store and get some more before she notices

and if she noticed, then get some more AND a bouquet of flowers AND complement her on how nice she looks.


uh, I'm a single male but I think that's the best way to avoid sleeping on the couch tonight. :P

[yardwork]

5. You have the right instincts - you will go far

[bleedingheart]

4. Diamond fix everything...

hahahahaha

personally I make entire batches of cookies and normally never get one cookie ...so I really don't care...but then I am not a serious choco-holic...

[AngryAmish]

71. I'm like a choco-holic, but with booze

old Onion article

[havocmom]

6. Since you are hypothetically alive to post this, we can assure you

your wife has the disposition of a saint, no matter how it seems to you at present!

Hope the snow isn't bad where you are, cuz, buster, YOU are heading to the store, pronto! Better make sure there's plenty of milk. Calcium is a mild sedative and that might be a damned good idea around your house tonight.

[blondeatlast]

7. I'd say a perky new spring outfit and a nice Valentine's dinner

are in order.

I am a wife, btw.

[hickman1937]

8. You are dead meat.

I hope you have the ability to pull some Godiva out of your butt.

[progmom]

45. eeeuw!

Eeeeuuuw.

(Very visual post)

[hickman1937]

55. Ya, who'd wanna eat them.

The thought would not count in this case.

[clydefrand]

9. Well, I wouldn't get mad at you if you were my husband. I'd be

glad they were all gone because when I eat those suckers, I get indigestion big time!

On the other hand, if my husband ate all of the lettuce? Well, that's a different matter entirely!!! I'd think he was getting ready to go to the happy hunting ground pronto. Drink all the beer? Not a problem. Drink all the wine? Happens all the time. I don't care. We eat different snacks. I eat good snacks; he eats the junk! Who's in better health? DAMN IT! HE IS!

So eat those damn things and tell her she is better off that you did/have already? :bounce:

[Nite Owl]

10. You'll pay for this one

for years.

[China_cat]

11. Go to the store, now

And when you bring home the cookies (twice as many as you already ate), you present them to her with a hatchet on the side and the promise that if you touch even one of these she may cut....ok, make it your hand, off.

[Feathered Fish]

12. A whole bag of cookies?

Hypothetically, she won't have to do anything for you to feel *crappy* about this later. :)

[OldLeftieLawyer]

13. HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is nothing you can do to redeem yourself. You are doomed, and I am offering that hypothetical wife free legal representation for her trial.

Not a woman juror in this world would vote to convict her for what she should do to you.

Hypothetically, of course.

[notadmblnd]

16. I wouldn't get mad...

I would just eat the cookies from my secrect stash. I mean really, no self respecting wife sets a plate of cookies out for her family before skimming her share right off the top.

[RetroLounge]

17. Sorry, you're toast.

No one can help you now...

RL

[mcscajun]

18. It's okay so long as you go out immediately and replace 'em.

If you're snowed in AND you finished off the cookies? Well then, may your punishment be swift and painful. :)

[WoodrowFan]

19. spin it.

spin it dude. Tell her you did it because you're worried she's getting a bit chubby, especially around the hips, so you ate ALL the cookies because you're so loving and because you know that guys lose weight so much easier than women, especially the women in HER family, which, let's face it, don't exactly look like they're starving, ESPECIALLY her mother.

trust me, it'll work!!!

[crispini]

28. Bwahahahahaha!

(you're kidding, right?)

[WoodrowFan]

31. of course

I'm still alive, so you know I NEVER tried it. :eyes:

[GOPFighter]

32. Wow, man!

Your dangerous! That would get me killed faster than hypothetically eating all those cookies. Not that I actually ate any.

[WoodrowFan]

38. it helps if

you give her some info from weight watchers that you just printed out at the same time. :evilgrin:

[radwriter0555]

34. It'll work if he wants to DIE without ever having sex again

maybe.

[purji]

74. Well as a "wife"

I can tell you she wouldn't be mad about he cookies any more.
I hope your couch is comfy though. ;)

[SW FL Dem]

20. Sounds like you need to make amends

If you don't have the ingredients to bake more cookies or can't make it to the store, you need to find something else to do for your wife.

[Yupster]

21. Only a dog would do this

In fact my dog did it.

My aunt sent me her Christmas cookies which were the best cookies in the whole world. I got the package, opened it, put it on the coffeetable and went to work. When I got home my damned dog had eaten every single one of them (at least 50).

This was over 20 years ago and I'm still bitter about it.

[cally]

22. You ate ALL the cookies?

Enjoy your week of vacuuming, cooking, and doing all the dishes. Grovel a lot. ALL the cookies. :crazy:

[Left Is Write]

23. I would be okay with it, because

while he was in the office snarfing down the bag of cookies, I'd be in the kitchen making a batch of seven dozen of my mother's chocolate chip cookies (the best chocolate chip cookies in the world - just ask fluffernutter!).

:D

[democratic pride]

24. When your wife asks about the cookies,

just reply, "What cookies, Honey?"

[Nicole]

25. hypothetically I would tell you it's no big deal

realistically I would send you to the store for replacement cookies.

[DrZeeLit]

26. Wrong, semi-sweet-chip-cookie-dough breath!

You now OWE big time.
Do you not get that women often CRAVE chocolate and the buying of the batch in light of sharing was merely a ploy to actually ATTAIN said chocolate?

You beast! The least you can do now is -- dinner at a NICE restaurant (no coupons or 2 for 1) and a movie of HER CHOICE (yeah, you'll have to sit through a Chick Flick). Hence, you will learn your lesson.

And may somebody have mercy on your cookie thievin' soul.

(p.s. When I buy Oreos, I have to break them into smaller groups, place into ziplocks, and hide them because if my dh gets started, he will eat the entire bag)

[DODI]

27. Death to the cookie eater!

Get thee to the store NOW.

[cags]

29. Thats Okay, I would just call you a pig, and that would be the end of it.

[shesemsmom]

30. If that were my Hubby and I were not on a diet

first he would be tortured, then he would be killed

[GOPFighter]

42. But that's just hypothetically, right?

:silly:

[shesemsmom]

43. nope

hypothetically, he would not be dead. I would think, he would know better. Thanks to being weaned from the sugar he is safe lol

[radwriter0555]

33. Dude, it's COOKIES, Don't EVER mess with a woman's COOKIES.

You need to run out and buy her a DOZEN hot n fresh Mrs. Field's cookies ALL FOR HERSELF and Don't Touch ONE SINGLE CRUMB.

Then a little voh dee oh doh doh later on wouldn't hurt either.

[radwriter0555]

35. You are SUCH a dead man..

wow... this is just really sinking in...
You REALLY f'd up, man.

[mopinko]

36. this is how i knew my BIL was an ass

even before i really got to know him. ok, his was worse- every year i make seriously over the top xmas cookies. my sister and bil live in colorado. so i mail them to her. we rarely get to see each other, we don't write. mostly just the cookies.
so, a few years into their marriage (#2 for both of them), long enough for him to know better, the cookies come, she eats one, and looks forward to savoring them, one at a time. less than 1 hour later, the box is empty. 2 pounds of the richest cookies there are. he is the only person i know who could even accomplish this. it takes a true glutton to eat more than a few at a time.
why she is still married to the dick, i do not know.
maybe you could tell your wife this story. you aren't as bad as him.

[Nikia]

37. Don't say you did her a favor

I know that is a bad idea because I know how ticked off I got when an overweight male coworker stole my birthday candy bars and then said that he did me a favor by eating them because women like me should watch their weight (I was just on the healthy weight side of the healthy/overweight line).

[WoodrowFan]

39. he actually said that?

Gad, I was trying to come up with the WORST thing he could say and damn if somebody didn't actually say it!!! DAMN>

[GOPFighter]

40. Uh, okay, let's say buying replacement cookies is not an option

Well, first of all, I see everyone jumped to the conclusion that I was writing about something I did, which is ridiculous since I clearly stated this was a hypothetical question.

Anyway we're in the middle of a blizzard, and I can't get to the store. If I had eaten them, that is.

My hypothetical wife is expecting her half of the cookies for breakfast, so I have a few more hours to live. Maybe if I offer to suck her toes and give her a 30 minute back-rub...

But this is all hypothetical.

:silly:

[progmom]

46. Can you bake?

Are there ingredients in the house?


Can you WALK to a store?


I'm a wife. And if you did that, I would be PISSED OFF.

[radwriter0555]

47. You are SO dead.

SAYONARA!

[prolesunited]

48. I would say give her a night to remember

and please her in every way possible and then get up earlier than her and serve her breakfast in bed. Then, please her some more. After all this, cookies will be the last thing on her mind and if she does remember, she'll be too love-struck to care.

Then, as soon as you can dig out, buy and make her a whole batch of cookies that she can eat by herself.

[WoodrowFan]

49. toes?

toes ain't gonna do it dude.

[fortyfeetunder]

57. Hypothetical my keister!

I get the impression you are potentially in trouble and you are at loss how to make amends.

Get cross country skis, snow shoes, or something and find a replacement batch somewhere, even if it means you have to make them from scratch...

[fleabert]

41. you would be in big big BIG trouble in my house...

and you would be on your way to the store instead of DU looking for sympathy! Get your ass moving! And you should do all the dishes.

[ellie]

44. I wouldn't have a problem with it

unless ALL of them were gone. If I just got one it would be ok. Did you leave one or did you eat them all? If you ate them all, I would give you a hard time about it and give you an arched look when you complained about a stomach ache, then I would forget about it. It's only cookies, after all.

[fortyfeetunder]

50. I am used to spouse consuming the whole thing.

But I have my own little "revenge"

My beloved is allergic to nuts, therefore when I make chocolate chip cookies, I make a batch with nuts in them along with a nutless batch, so I am assured of a few cookies only I can eat :evilgrin: Same goes for buying them.

[NC_Nurse]

54. This sounds like my life.

My son and husband are forever BOGARTING the cookies!

If I were you, I'd get some more - and quickly....I mean if this were a real situation, of course...;)

[tigereye]

82. yup that's what happens at my house, too

so I also make one part of each batch of cookies or brownies with nuts, since my son doesn't like them.

[SarahB]

51. Would it bug me?

Probably, but I'd stuff it inside and not say anything as so it wouldn't get turned around onto me (as if I did something wrong if I were to mention it bothered me and then get snapped/yelled at for doing so). Probably that type of behavior after years and years caused me to pull back enough emotionally and that explains, in part, why I won't be his wife for much longer either.

Why don't you head to the store, buy some more cookies, and tell her how much you love her? That's my advice.

[vetwife]

52. Thats cool..but just remember....what might happen the next

time you both buy a six pack or something you really really want to eat, like wanting the last piece of the chocolate cake. I would remember...LOL !

[SarahB]

53. Yeah, but then...

I'd be "selfish and inconsiderate" though. You see, with some people it's not about open communication and give and take, but power and control.

You'll have to pardon me, I'm rather bitter on the entire subject of marriage these days. :(

[vetwife]

56. Been there....Can identify....1st marriage was a doozy ! Good Luck !

[GOPFighter]

59. Ah yes, I know the breed well

I was into power and control earlier in my life, back when my career was in the ditch and going nowhere. Take it from me SarahBelle, men who play those games are miserable inside and they're trying to make you miserable too. Don't let him. It's his problem and he's trying to make it yours too. Just keep doing your best, keep your head up high, and don't let him bring you down. Easier said than done, granted, but let his little tantrums slide off your back. Don't bite. Good luck.

:pals:

[SarahB]

60. It doesn't really matter at this point,

as it's already over, but thanks. He's actually been much nicer since I said I wanted a divorce. Even more so since we actually filed. Go figure. :shrug:

[GOPFighter]

62. Sorry to hear that

May your life soar to new heights now that you're free. Best of luck.

Hope you find someone nice who leaves you the last cookie.

[vetwife]

66. Wish you much happiness in the future

I will say this..I am dang lucky to have a hubby to put back things for me so all the teenagers don't put empty boxes back in the cabinet and leave me with nothing. He once walked 2 miles to get me a Reeses cup. Thats pretty great ! Hope (if there is a next time around) you find one that cares for your wants that much ! I didn't ask for that treatment ...I just casually said about 2:00 AM one morning, Gosh I could use a candybar and we didn't even have a car back then and he walked to the store. Woke me up and said, "Got you a candybar"
God I do love him and there are some good ones out there.

[Blue State Blues]

58. You are so dead, hypothetically

If you have come between a woman and HER soft-batch chocolate chip cookies that she was kind enough to share with you ... if you are even alive right now to read this, your wife is a saint.

You will need a much better excuse than, "It's not my fault, DU made me do it."

[GOPFighter]

61. They were OUR cookies

I ate my half...and then hers. It's funny how you feel when you realize you've only left her one, and then you say "Aw, what the hell, leaving her just one is an insult," so you go ahead and eat the last one, and pray she forgets all about the cookies tomorrow.

I do have one last defense. I can outrun her.

I think

[proudbluestater]

68. Not with a gut full of cookies you can't!

[Blue State Blues]

70. Poor, poor, deluded man

Allow me to explain the relationship between a woman and HER chocolate chip cookies ...

She goes to the store, she sees them on the shelf. She wants them. It's pure carnal pleasure. She feels a little guilty for how much she wants them, so she makes a little bargain with herself ...

"They're not just for me, no, really. I don't love chocolate chip cookies more than my dear husband and partner in life. Oh, but they are sooo wonderful. And chewy. And they will never pretend not to hear me when I ask them to do the dishes. They do not forget to put the seat down. They offer soo much pleasure and they never leave smelly socks strewn around the house. And yet, I don't want them to come between me and the dear, if somewhat limited, male with whom I share my life ... Aha! SHARE. That's what I'll do. Maybe if he tastes them he'll understand how important the little things can be. Maybe he'll change ..."

Dude, they were HER cookies. She was willing to share them with you, as undeserving as you are, but they were always HER cookies.

Of course, we're just talking hypothetically ... but hypothetically, you'd better be really, really nice to her for a long time, AND get her some more cookies.

;)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

63. You both need to change...

You plainly need to be more thoughtful about what you consume and whether your wife has partaken of the goodies.

But it's also quite clear that she should have bought two packages of cookies. ;)

[laundry_queen]

64. Well, if buying more isn't an option

and making more isn't either. Then my advice would be to clean the house from top to bottom. Then, tell her you love her and you think the 2 of you need a great romantic getaway. Add that you know that thing she's wanted for the last week/month/year? Go ahead, splurge! Bring her breakfast in bed, give her a full body massage (without expecting you-know-what in return) and promise her the minute you can get to the store, you will buy her 10 bags of cookies along with a few boxes of chocolates, and that you will never ever ever eat her share of the cookies ever ever again.

Do all that and she just may forgive you! lol. Good luck - hypothetically I mean.

[eSTIV]

65. You clearly need counseling...

Cookie pilfering is virtually always a cry for help. You both need years of expensive therapy or the good ship of your marriage will crash headlong onto the reef.

Some people need to wake up and smell the coffee.

:) :)

[koneko]

67. It was nice knowin' ya!

Hypothetically, of course!

Good luck, my friend!

[China_cat]

69. Remember

[GOPFighter]

72. ROTFLMAO!!!

Priceless!

[gollygee]

73. I recommend you make a cookie run

pronto!

[Penndems]

75. A quid pro quo would be very much in order here

I love my husband, but he knows better than to touch my chocolate stash. If he DID eat up all those delicious cookies, however, I'd immediately send him to the nearest Mrs. Fields Cookies for some of those delicious Peanut Butter Dreambars - irregardless of the weather. (Hey, a girl's gotta have her cocoa fix. . .) :9

A momentary weakness for chocolate on his part wouldn't warrant a night on the sofa or diminish our love one iota, however. :loveya:

[Hans Delbrook]

76. Just remember this incident

The next time she does something that bugs you. Like buys more pillows for the bed that you think already has more than enough pillows. Or steals your socks. Or assumes that you will fix her computer and load any software she buys.

Not that I know a wife who does stuff like that. :P

[ScreamingMeemie]

77. I say he should go out this instant and buy twice the amount that she

bought and give them to her! Hypothetically of course.

[purji]

78. So glad to see you back

I hope you are feeling well. :hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

80. Thank you so very much. I am working on it. Baby steps.

;) :hug: I hope to be back on full force soon.

[tigereye]

83. Mrs. Grumpy!

How are you, dear. Are you doin' okay?. Missed you and wish you well.

:hi: :grouphug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

84. i am working on it.

i've missed you!!!! :loveya:

[Missy Vixen]

79. The consensus is clear

You might want to either buy or bake more cookies, ASAP. My husband drinks every drop of milk in the house, then conveniently "forgets" to get more. I usually find out when I'm trying to cook something that requires some milk.

It's best to treat one's spouse as one would want to be treated. It also ensures a much more peaceful household. :evilgrin:

Julie

[BornaDem]

81. As long as I only bought them and I didn't spend a couple of hours...

baking them, I would not get bent out of shape because I would just send you back to the store for more if I really wanted them. And you're right that I might consider you did me a favor by eating them (depending on whether I really craved them or not) and I might not even make you go out to buy more.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

85. I wouldn't get mad.

I could always get more cookies if I really wanted it.