Proposed Sports For The 2008 Olympics

[name not needed]

Hobo Dodging
Wealthy yuppy shitbags must traverse an obstacle course littered with syphillitic transients, without getting a single puke-soaked fingerprint on their $3000 suits.

Super Best Tekoki Happy Recital
A confusing Japanese sport in which young women dress up like schoolgirls and whack off sweaty businessmen while reciting the first 5 pages of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets from memory.

Emo vs. Sidewalk
Members of popular emo bands are gagged, blindfolded, and tossed off the roof of 12-story building to do battle with the concrete below. Their only weapon—a kleenex.

Drowning
After a night of forced binge-drinking, contestants wake at dawn, eat a hearty breakfast, huff a can of paint thinner, run 15 miles and dive in a lake.

http://www.thetoiletonline.com/writings2005/5/proposed-sports-for-the-2008-olympics