NORTHEAST GRIPPED BY SNOW-ITIS EPIDEMIC

[rocktivity]

Monday, January 24--Employers and ski resorts from the Midwest to New England are baffled by a sudden outbreak of the mysterious and infectious disease snow-itis.

The main symptom of snow-itis is a sudden allergic reaction to engaging in everyday activities. Today, businesses all over the northeast received calls from workers reporting that their snow-itis rendered them unable to report to work.

The causes of snow-itis are unknown, but scientists have been studying a link between its outbreaks and weather patterns that result in large amounts of snow. While snowstorms are normally associated with inconvenience, a decrease in parking spaces, school closings, subzero temperatures, and the resulting stress, snow-itis victims derive and express pleasure from the situation. They have been spotted jumping up and down in their front yards screaming "We're getting a dump! F**ing-A!" Even worse, they have also been known to whistle a happy tune while digging their vehicles of snowdrifts.

While there is no known cure for snow-itis, the only effective treatment seems to be a day of snow-related activity at the nearest ski resort. While this activity usually involves the use of alpine skis, snowboards, snowshoes, cross-country skis and telemark skis are also popular with snow-itis patients. Treatment consists of using the aforementioned objects to move across snow-covered terrain with all deliberate speed, followed by a period of eating, drinking, and partying.

More on this story as it develops.

:headbang:
rocknation

[tigereye]

1. I, for one, like the snowshoes and the sledding myself

just prefer not to drive in it, is possible. ;)