What's So Wrong About Being Introverted

[Yavin4]

While listening to people mourn and remember Johnny Carson, I'm struck by the number of people who equate his introverted, off-screen personality like it was some kind of mental disorder. So the guy was introverted. So what. I know in this day and age of everyone getting their own reality show regardless of whether they have talent nor are interesting that when someone who chooses to live their lives in total privacy looks like a pariah.

Johnny Carson gave me 1000s of hours of great entertainment for free, and that's enough for me. I don't need to know every detail about his house. I don't need to see his house on MTV Cribs. I don't need to know what kind of jewelry he bought his wife nor where he went on vacation.

I respect and admire entertainers who do their jobs well and don't rub my face in their wealth.

[0007]

1. I'll second that!

[McKenzie]

2. classic introvert here

I'm not a loner as such...went to a movie on Friday night with four female friends. However, I'd go nuts if I had people in my face all the time. I need regular bouts of 2-3 days without company. And I guard my privacy zealously. Sad git that I am...I can't help it, it's the way I'm wired up.

Quite a lot of natural history writers talk about the joys of solitude and introspection. Thoreau in the US, Jeffries and Watkins-Pitchford in the UK. As a certified introvert, I have an empathy with the concepts they are trying to convey.

There's nothing wrong with us introverts and it has brought me much peace and contentment.

[trotsky]

3. So true.

Every damn talking head who came on to bloviate about THEIR insignificant tie to Carson had to blab about how he was a private man. Well, yeah, SO WHAT?! He worked his ass off for 30 years and gave us a hell of a lot of laughs in the deal. He had every right to be as private as he wanted to be.

[redqueen]

4. I'm not sure

I'm a bit of an introvert myself and appreciate your comments.

[Huckebein the Raven]

5. A definite introvert here

[sundog]

6. no shit...

If your job was in the spotlight, wouldn't you spend every non-working hour avoiding it as much as possible? :shrug:

[Yavin4]

7. I Am Introverted As Well

What non-introverted people don't understand is that it takes a lot of energy for an introvert to be around people, esp. entertain them. When Carson came off of performing, he was probably very tired, and he probably conserved his energy prior to performing.

[DrGonzoLives]

8. Because in America

your sanity and mental well-being are connected to the amount of time you spend flapping your gums in mindless conversation.

I refuse to make small talk. If I'm not interested in what's being discussed, fuck it, I don't participate, and just nod or grunt occassionally.

[Yavin4]

9. Extroverts Do Better in America

As we move further and further away from actually making products, success in our economy is becoming more and more based on "who you know", not "what you know". That means that the extroverted person will have a definite edge over the introverted one. The extroverted person with no brains nor skills will have the advantage because that person will be better at making "connections" and building a network of friends and associates. The introvert who spends his/her time working on their craft instead of meeting people will have the harder time as skills become less and less important.

[FrankBooth]

24. Kurt Vonnegut said something about Americans who can talk ...

... in any situation as the one's who rise to the top in corporate America. They don't have to necessarily "say" anything of substance so much as they need to be comfortable talking anywhere, anytime to anybody. I think Kurt was on to something.

[Nikia]

35. So true

They do better in interviews too and mangement, which is very people intense, always pays more. I am thinking that I should have majored in engineering, a good paying introverted career.

[Emops]

10. I agree

I am very introverted. In high school, I was shunned because people thought I was a mean loner, when in actuality I was making every effort to be as kind as I could. Now I'm 21 and in college, and people just ignore me. x(

I recall something came out about Barry Bonds, and how he prefers to practice alone before games. There was an uproar, and people were saying he was soooooo arrogant for doing this. Now, if I were a ballplayer of Bonds' calibur, and I had the carte blance to practice alone, without having to deal with my teammates, you bet I'd do it. Not because I'm the least bit arrogant, but because I'm at my best when as few people as possible are around (as I bet Bonds is; I can only imagine what it's like to have to play among thousands of screaming fans).

I think that's why I like Al Gore so much, I feel a sort of connection with him. He's a little awkward and uncomfortable, everyone's always second-guessing everything he says, and he's not particularly exciting. Just like me. Plus, I have the same IQ as he did when he was my age, 132.

Maybe I can grow up to have the presidency stolen from me by the stupidest politician in history!

[Gogi]

11. I don't need a test to tell me I'm extremely introverted.

You know you're an introvert when your mother tells you to stop being reclusive and get out more!

[Bouncy Ball]

17. My parents would punish me by making me COME OUT of my room.

And they punished my brother, a total extrovert, by sending him to his.

[On the Road]

12. I've Heard the Difference Described as:

Introverts expend energy from being with other people, and gain energy from being alone.

Extraverts gain energy from being with other people, and lose energy being alone.

Seems true to be. Doesn't mean introverts are antisocial. But extraverts often don't seem to get the difference.

[Ron Green]

13. I think the only problem with being introverted....

is that you are sometimes neglecting one of life's important tasks, which is to learn how to work with others in a social situation and add to the group and to yourself appropriately. I'm not saying that a quiet personality is not complete or OK, and I'm not saying that being a glad-handing phony is desirable, but I do think that "coming out of your shell" is a worthy life-long process.

[FrankBooth]

16. which works both ways

Extraverts could also benefit from learning to reflect instead of just talking first ... everybody would do well to try and work on the underdeveloped parts of their personality.

[Ron Green]

29. I agree... most Western cultures seem to need to fill any silence with

words. People often talk just to avoid the "dead air." Sometimes silence is an opportunity to think, not just an embarrassing lack of conversation.

[Bouncy Ball]

19. Coming out of the shell has nothing to do with it.

If you saw me in a social situation, you'd be shocked if I told you I were an introvert. I can totally WORK a room. I make people laugh, I participate in great conversations, I meet people, introduce people, and I'm not phony about it, either.

But it wears me the hell out. And after quite a bit of that I HAVE to shut down and be alone. I cannot function without that time to regroup and just be by myself.

[Ron Green]

27. Maybe "working a room," though, is not about connecting with an

inner part of yourself. This is what Johnny Carson did so well, but it seems most people who knew him saw a "Jekyll and Hyde" sort of personality. All I'm saying is that being real in a social setting is difficult, but worth working on.

[supernova]

31. Here comes the proverbial, "well, yes, but.."

Social skills are certainly necessary and rewarding, to be sure. I don't think anyone here is saying otherwise.

But, those social skills for an introvert, should not be practiced at the expence of energy-producing alone downtime. Many of us here are saying sometimes we feel expected to interact, even when we don't feel up to it, because the societal norm is to be extroverted.

[Ron Green]

32. And this is where the norm is sometimes a problem. If we operate in an

environment where we're expected to be "on" all the time, it seems there's a serious risk of maintaining shallow and phony relationships. I understand that it's all on a continuum, but my point is simply that it's good to seek to be the same person in public who you are in private (not that anyone has ever really mastered that ability.)

[NorthernSpy]

33. I *don't* think extroverts have better social skills in any case.

Unless, of course, chattering endlessly and forcing oneself on those who want peace and quiet is what people mean by a "superior social skill"...

There are far more extroverts than there are introverts, and the majority make the rules to suit their own tastes. I don't think that we should concede that their way of relating to others is "better" than ours.

[supernova]

41. I didn't say that

extroverts have better social skills. I said the practice of those skills, as in "the exercise of."

And yeah, I've been in the company of too many people who chat mindlessly. It makes me want to climb the walls.

[GOPisEvil]

36. Are you my twin, separated at birth?

That is me, to a tee. I can be extroverted, but it takes a lot out of me, and I need to recharge.

[Bouncy Ball]

37. You are an introvert.

A classic one, from the sound of it. So am I.

:toast:

To Introverts!!!

[GOPisEvil]

39. Let us revel in our introvertedness!

:toast::beer:

[NorthernSpy]

30. I *despise* that phrase

"coming out of your shell"

Fuck that noise!

I guess the possibility that a person's reserve might be an integral part of his temperament -- and not just some extraneous thing to be shucked as other people demand -- is just too damn bizarre to consider.

:eyes:

[Ron Green]

42. I'm not talkin' about what other people demand....I'm talkin' about

broadening oneself as a person. If it doesn't apply to you, fine. I'm simply saying that a hermit has gone too far in one direction, just as a phony frat-boy gladhander has gone too far in the other. It's all about balance, but I do know that we are put here on this earth in the company of other people, and the "shell" of an ego that we form to protect ourself from others must eventually be broken, if not in this life then in some other.

IMHO.

[FrankBooth]

14. Approximately 30% of the population are introverts

but unfortunately, some people still seem to think introversion is some kind of mental disorder.

[Bouncy Ball]

15. I am a big-time introvert

though most people are seriously surprised to learn that about me.

Introverts get their energy built up from alone time. They HAVE to have alone time. Being around other people uses up their energy.

Extroverts get their energy built up from being with other people. They HAVE to be around other people on a regular basis. Being alone saps their energy.

That's the difference. It's not that introverts CAN'T be around people or that they hate it. I generally love it.

But if I had to be around other people constantly, I'd lose my mind.

People who know me in real life have been very confused over me in the past. I am very outgoing when I am socializing, not a shy bone in my body. But then, every now and then, for a while, I just need to shut down, socially. I don't answer my phone much. I don't answer the door. I turn down invitations. Then after a little while of that, I'm rearin' to go again!

I'm an INFJ on the Briggs-Meyers thingie.

[FrankBooth]

21. INFP here

and I agree - I would say my extrovert/introvert polarity is about 45%-55%. Many of the people I work with would never know I was an introvert because I can be very extraverted at times. But like you, I HAVE to have my downtime in order to re-charge. The truth is that being extroverted is very draining and I can only sustain it for periods of time until I have to get away and be alone.

Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way!

[Bouncy Ball]

22. You described me perfectly!!!

The rare times my husband takes my daughter and goes somewhere with her and I have the house to myself, I absolutely jump for joy!!!!!!

I think sometimes people take that as insulting, but I love my husband and daughter, it's just that TRUE alone time for me (beyond driving to work and home) is so rare.

[Fenris]

18. Amen to that.

[SarahB]

20. Nothing.

I'm not exactly shy, but I'm a definite introvert. I'm perfectly fine with who I am. Not everyone in my life has understood that about me (because on the other hand, I can also be bursting forth with energy and can be quite charming/outgoing at times), but I need space to decompress at the same time. :)

[Ladyhawk]

23. Lots of actors, comedians, etc. are introverted off-screen.

Big deal.

I have a "social persona" that I put on at the right times, but I am very much a natural introvert. Nothing's wrong with that.

[American Tragedy]

25. I was thinking the exact same thing, since I'm very introverted

and I was absolutely hated, even tormented, in high school because of it.

It is so hard to explain to extraverts that people drain me; you know what I'm talking about. I can hang out with people and have a great time, but after a certain number of hours of talking, I am mentally exhausted. I strongly value alone time, when I can read and think and be free from scrutiny.

To say that I'm shy isn't really accurate, though! I have little patience for small talk and I'm known for being blunt and politically outspoken. I am completely unintimidated by authority figures and I always speak my mind - which threw some people at school off guard when I confronted Alberto Gonzales a couple months ago.

I can understand why I come across badly to some people, I suppose, although I try really hard to be polite and empathetic. I love and deeply admire humanity, but I have some trouble with individual people.

I think that's why I came to like Kerry so much; he seemed a little quirky and misunderstood.

On edit: since others have listed theirs: I'm an INTP on Myers-Briggs - Introverted/iNtuitive/Thinking/ Perceiving

[flamingyouth]

26. There were lots of articles about his "reclusiveness"

...back in the '70s and '80s, but the guy had quite a few friends. He just chose his friends wisely and tried to keep a private life. I totally agree with you. During his divorce in the '80s, I remember all the tabloids with their fascination about his life, his house, his money, etc. Who freaking cares? The guy was seriously funny and I felt really bad on hearing of his passing.

I hope some of his shows are released on DVD at some point. I would really love to see Floyd R. Turbo right now - he seems quite timely. :D

[supernova]

28. Hi, I'm supernova and I'm an introvert

:hi: I felt an affinity with Johnny in that.

I have times when I need to be alone, and other people just don't get it. And I have a hard time explaining.

Oh, I'm an INTJ on the M-B scale. :-)

If you want, come over to the DU Loners' Group.

[DemExpat]

43. lol....yes, I see LOTS of potential DU Loners' Group members

on this thread....:D

And an INFJ person here too....


DemEx

[Nikia]

34. My husband and I are introverts

I am a different type of introvert than some of you. There are some people who I do get energy from being around, people who I am already close and comfortable with. To be with my husband or a close friend, they sometimes feel like a sort of second self. I like having close friends much better than lots of aquaintances. The few times in my life when I have been "popular" I have gotten exhausted, especially since I was trying to bring too many people into the close category. For me, meeting new people, especially in a situation where there are many of them, is a very stressful situations. I do like people though. My husband gets tired from being around anyone, even me, especially when he had an extroverted job which forced him to talk to people all day.

[djeseru]

38. I revel in my introvertedness.

My husband and I are still trying to get used to our outgoing, friendly daughter - lol!

I usually pick up more by listening and don't care to draw a lot of attention to myself. And I love silence...

[Wapsie B]

40. Nothing's wrong with being an introvert.

It's just that the extroverts seem to run things in this world. Getting a job or promotion, even a love life is that much harder for introverts. At least it has been for me.
I do remember Johnny Carson talking about how he had to force himself to appear extroverted on TV.