A SO and smoking poll.

[complain jane]

If your SO said they would quit smoking if you moved in (and you are a reformed smoker and are disgusted by it) and you took the bate and began moving a few odds and ends in and spent all your time there only to find SO not only doesn't quit smoking, but takes in her Alzheimer's father who chain smokes right in the fucking house, would you be finding a place of your own?

[shesemsmom]

1. Right Away

[WildClarySage]

2. I don't know... do you love her? A lot?

Never make a commitment based on somebody changing. It's almost always a dealbreaker.

[jswordy]

8. DING-DING-DING!!! We have a winner!!!!

[trof]

15. truer words were never spake

[tjwmason]

3. Discuss it, but yes

If she is struggling with it, then provide as much support as possible; but moving in could easily be too much for the relationship.

My sister stopped smoking and was very successful at first, she wanted to have a baby and that provided a strong incentive. Medical reasons put the (potential) sprog on hold for a few months, and she started straight away again. Having the potential of you moving in could provide the incentive which will back-up the necessary will-power.

[ThorsHammer]

6. Same here

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. no

smoking is hard to quit...she/he may have full well intended to...and as for the father...what is your so supposed to do? abandon him?

[complain jane]

5. Asking him not to chain smoke in the house is abandoning him?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. what if he says no, is she going to argue with her dad w.alzheimers

[TXlib]

9. Just keep taking his cigs away

fucker has alzheimer's, right? He'll just think he can't remember where he put them. :evilgrin:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. funny...lets strip the last vestiges of dignity from an old man

[candy]

11. Thanks for your understanding post---nice to see!

[complain jane]

13. He doesn't remember he smokes half the time until she brings him cigs

home from the store.

But this is besides the point.

I see nothing wrong with keeping my breathing air clean. Hacking up goop all day long like they do is not a goal I set for myself. As a matter of fact I find it pretty offensive and inconsiderate that anyone would expect me to breathe someone's second hand smoke.

I tell SO that this isn't the deal, and say that this is your house, if you want to smoke yourselves into oblivion go ahead but don't give me a hard time for getting my own apartment until you chose to quit, if you ever do. SO acts like I've got some nerve for not wanting to breathe in that disgusting toxic shit (not to mention have it gracing my coat, clothes, bath towels, and hair).

[Midlodemocrat]

16. My dad had Alzheimer's

I think the combo of Alzheimer's and smoking is pretty dangerous. I would not provide him with cigs.

I recently saw an ad on TV for a drug to treat NPH which is often mistaken for Alzheimer's. The docs were never sure which my dad had, but I would have given him this drug in a heartbeat because it gave the spokesman his life back. Might be worth looking into.

[complain jane]

18. He's on Aricept now.

He was in a house where his son abused him (son neglected him- rarely fed him/bathed him/paid attention to him, grandkids made fun of him, son's wife was verbally abusive). So my SO took him in and we (I help) take care of him. He's a sweetheart. He's a sweet, nice man.

The only thing I hate is that he smokes cig after cig after cig because in addition to the mild Alzheimer's he's also got macular degeneration and is nearly blind. So the poor man is bored out of his mind on top of it and SO buys him cigarettes and he's bored so he just smokes and smokes and smokes and smokes. His mind went downhill when he was in that first house of horrors and now with both problems, it's a real challenge.

:nuke:

[Midlodemocrat]

20. My dad was on Aricept, too.

I was just floating the NPH thing, because some doctors can't tell the difference. Might be worth a look because according to recent research getting rid of NPH can return a person to normalcy.

[TXlib]

17. Based on the last sentence, sounds like your SO isn't ready

to share her life (or apartment) with somebody else.

[complain jane]

19. I guess what's more of a problem is

that SO doesn't take what's important to me into consideration enough to understand that.

Basically thinks if I care about her/them, I'd put up with it.

[lojasmo]

12. I wouldn't have moved into a smoking household. EOM

[complain jane]

14. I shouldn't have, I know.