How to give a cat a pill!

[terrya]

Doug sent me this email...and I thought it was kind of cute. :-)

T

How to give a cat a pill!

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of
cat's mouth
and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As
cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and
swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left
arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill
down
ruler and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth
open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to
take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from
carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
beer.
Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head
showing.
Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with
elastic
band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.
Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress
to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey
compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road.
Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine
and
bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves
from
shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be
rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down
throat
to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
and
removes
pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order
new
table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet
shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

[Solon]

1. Hey, that list is wrong!!!!

Wrap the pill in cheese for dogs, works much better trust me. The rest is true though. LOL

[Red State Rebel]

3. Thats exactly what I do - works like a charm :) n/t

[dean_dem]

2. Hah! I figured out their problem!

Think of all the problems they would have solved if they started with step 13. None of this "cradling" crap!

[fairfaxvadem]

4. OMG! I've been doing this routine for 5 days!!!

It's no joke. The cat hides now every time he even thinks I'm taking a step toward him. Supposed to give him the pill 2x day, I'm lucky if he gets it once a day.

And the vet's like "what's the problem, I gave it to him just fine." And I always have to say, "Look, he's good as gold here, but the minute we get home, he'll be a big asshole about this, believe me."

Sure enough...

Although I admit, this cat has been just a tad easier to deal with than my older cat in this situation, but only a tad.

[murielm99]

5. The first time I had to give my cat pills, I thought I had done

just fine.

A week later, I found a pile of soggy pills behind the couch. He spit them out when I was not looking.

[fairfaxvadem]

6. Oh, yes indeed...

I found a coughed up pill in the folds of my comforter yesterday.

They sure are tricky.

[nuxvomica]

7. When I had to give my cat antibiotics for a week

I followed each dose with a dollop of beef baby food in his treat dish. He went nuts for it and each time thereafter he actually ran up to me when he saw me with the medicine.
Of course, that was a year ago and I'm still buying the baby food. :eyes:

[fairfaxvadem]

8. the snack trap!

I'll try the baby food though for a change of pace. I occassionally get some Boars Head roast turkey breast for them. They go bonkers.

thanks for that info.

[cags]

9. Bwahaha, that is so funny because its true. My cat has asthma so I have

to give her pills all the time, but I've gotten good at it and don't usually get past #1.

[SmokingJacket]

10. No joke, man...

My cat died because she wouldn't take her pills.

[Frogtutor]

11. ROTFLMAO! We used to have a dog that could chew up and swallow

the piece of meat in which the pill was hidden, then spit the pill out.

I've got one somewhere about how to give a cat a bath; I'll have to dig it up and post.

[LDS Jock]

12. just put the pill in a songbird

the cat will then eat both :P

[despairing optimist]

13. Cat giving you pill-taking problems? Try this (no joke)

First, find a nice, non-threatening, comfortable place to be with your cat. Have the pill handy, preferably in the hand that's not caressing kitty. Then wrap the caressing hand slowly around kitty so as to prevent escape while you use the pill-holding hand to gently open kitty's mouth. Finally, and this is most important, make sure to place the pill behind the roll of kitty's tongue, way in back of the mouth, and quickly use your hand to close kitty's mouth. Kitty has to swallow it; you'll see that happen. It works every time for me with all the cats I've provided for.