Lawyer ads -- they've come a long way, baby.

[Senior citizen]

I remember when attorneys weren't allowed to advertise.

I remember when attorneys began to have discreet ads in the phone book.

Today I happened to notice the ads that defense attorneys are currently running in the yellow pages. They list the types of charges they've fought and the results they've gotten:

Double murder -- charges dismissed

1st degree murder -- not guilty

Child molestation -- not guilty

Rape -- not guilty

Assault & Battery with witness -- not guilty

Felony hit and run -- charges dropped

They're practically saying, "Are you a rapist, murderer, or child molester? Don't worry--if you can afford to hire me, I can get you off. Call today, don't delay!"