Vote Bob Dole for president!

[fujiyama]

OK, I was going through a REALLY old hard drive from '96 and '97 and I found this hilarious write up I made for class. It was during the '96 elections. If I recall correctly, my group was assigned to Dole.

EDITORIAL
Election 97’
WHO IS THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB?


Here it is. Election time is here again. We, the citizens of the United States of America must make the decision of which candidate will best take us into the next century. That is a big decision. One of the most, well probably the most powerful nation in the world will elect its leader. Heading the nation- that is one huge task, one not to be taken lightly. That is why us, the Daily Blitz, after long, hard consideration has decided their recommendation of whom to vote for this 1997 presidential election. That candidate is republican nominee Robert J. Dole. Robert (Bob) Dole has served almost fifty of his life to his country, through both war and as being a political figure. That itself deserves the nation's respect. We live in the United States, and that is why there is a system of checks and balances. One person will not have absolute power, and according to Bob Dole, big government shouldn’t have it either. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Bob Dole will allow us to make the decisions that affect our life. Bob Dole is a man of his word. He follows his ethics and morals, which is a problem today in Washington. What kind of person would you like to head this country? Would you want a member who is head of the extreme Michigan militia. How about a man who has called millions of people just to earn money for his party, which could have possibly earned his party millions of dollars in illegal funds? Another choice is another extreme, except he’s a left wing liberal, who will always make exceptions for minorities, whether their actions would be legal or illegal. This would create even more hostile feelings between blacks and whites, making race relations worse in the country. The choice is yours America. You can either vote for two extremists, a man who is always looking for a profit and now running away from the legal implications, or you can vote for a man who believes in keeping his word, a man who has almost given his life for his country. Bob Dole is that man. That is why this 1997 presidential election, let your conscience guide you. I am sure you to will come to the conclusion that Bob Dole is the best man for the job.


There's more weird shit:

"Hello, I’m Bob Dole. Vote for Bob Dole this election. Bob Dole will do his best to balance the budget. If Bob Dole is elected president, he will make sure that no child goes hungry and that every child can get a decent education. Bob Dole thinks education is very important and that every child should have a chance to go to collage, if he or she is willing to put in the effort. Bob Dole has morals and values. That is why he believes that if you want money, you have to work for it. That is why I am going to push for welfare reform. All the taxpayers are sick of paying for the lazy people who don’t have and aren’t trying to get a job. Bob Dole believes everyone should have a chance to live and that killing anyone, even a fetus is murder. That is why he is Pro-Life. Thos who commit murder or rape should suffer the consequences. Capitol Punishment is a good idea. People have been paying very high taxes for a long time now. The people need a break. That is why I am proposing a 15% tax cut across the border. "