Its been 4 days since my sweetie deployed to the Middle East ...

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

and I never thought I could ever miss someone so bad . It seems like the days have been going fast - which is a good thing because that means his tour will be over before we know it . The last time I was able to talk to him over the phone was early Thursday morning before his unit flew/headed to their post in the Middle East . Neither one of us knew what to say to each other - I was trying my hardest to find something to talk about because I was holding back tears . I did not want to cry because I did not want to make him sad . So I just bit my lower lip the whole entire time . He told me he was nervous with anxiety wondering what is going to happen next . He also told me that he by talking to me , I calmed him down . I am so glad - I did not want him to be nervous with worry about anything ( that's my job -to be nervous and worried ). He is more calm than am all the time LOL - or I am calm when he needs to be calmed - vice versa - it fits perfectly .

As I was talking to him I could hear telephones ringing in the background and he told me it was the phone calls of relatives , wives , girlfriends , children of his unit who were calling their soldiers before the soldiers headed to the Middle East - and this is where I began to lose it and I just started to cry . But I sucked it all in for him ( for that point ). Around 3:54 am , we were debating over who would say " later " ( we never say " bye " we say " later " ). We decided that he would say it but we spent 2 minutes saying " later ... later " over and over to each other and then I just broke down crying . Just listening to his voice gives me so much calm ... It finally hit me right at that moment that he is going to war - I started having flashbacks from the first time we met , to everything and I just cried . I started crying I had to let it out I could not help it . He said " later ... " and the phone hung up and I just kissed the display on my cellphone - I am sappy like that LOL .

But then a sense of calm and hope came over me that he is going to come back home safe and sound and everything is going to be alright - and I believe it :) The next day was hard because I was so used to getting some kind of communication from him and I don't know when exactly I will hear from him again - they have to settle in first I know , I have to be patient . I just pray and hope that him and his unit are proctected and that they have all the equipment that they need .

I say the " Middle East " because I know he somewhere between here and Iraq but where exactly I am not allowed to tell anyone at all . It makes me so sick to the point my stomach hurts whenever Bush comes on TV with his smirk because he has no idea what the families of these soldiers are feeling right now . How dare he smirk so much , how dare he ? So please send a prayer to my sweetie and his unit ( he told me to keep his unit's name confidential as well and I can understand why ) and to their families . I just had to get this out . Thank you DU .

[dolo amber]

1. My very best to you and your sweetie, Carolina

May the time pass swiftly. :hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

3. Thank you dolo amber .

:hug:

[Wabbajack]

2. Not allowed to tell anyone ?

What happened to the first amendment?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

5. Orders from his lieutenant .

Weird I know .

[DistantWind88]

21. His Lt can't order you to do anything N/T

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

22. They its for security reasons which I don't understand why

but I will tell once they are in Iraq over the border .

[DistantWind88]

24. It's a good idea not to say anything

BUT you do so out of wanting to protect your BFs safety; they Army can't order you to do anything.

[Wabbajack]

44. But why do you need to obey his lieutenant ?

[flamingyouth]

4. My heart just breaks for you

I have a part-time employee going through the same thing. She's about your age. It's just not right. Please keep us posted on how you're doing. :hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

7. I will keep you posted ...

From time to time I just wander away from the house for distraction because everything here reminds me of him but I will be fine . Its him that I worry about .

[redqueen]

6. Praying now for your sweetie and his whole unit.

And you as well. I hope you hear from him soon.

:hug:

[auntAgonist]

8. no one should have to say 'later' or 'goodbye'

My heart goes out to you and my best wishes and prayers will be with you and your Sweetheart and his unit.

Speedy Safe Return.



auntAgonist.
aka kesha.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

37. Speedy Safe Return Indeed

Thanks :)

[JohnKleeb]

9. I am sorry

You know that I have a good friend who enlisted.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

10. Thanks Kleeb .

I am sorry about your Nana as well . :hug: I remember your post about your friend who enlisted in the Marines . Another :hug: for you about your Nana . Sigh ... I hope the year gets better for everyone .

[JohnKleeb]

12. Yeah he starts basic in a few months

I talked to him a few days after the protest of Bush, he's changed and so have I but hes still the greatest friend from my earliest days.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

13. Well my sweetie is a " citizen soldier " with the National Guard ...

not a full fledged " soldier " but since he has been activated , they( the US government ) have full control over him and it sucks . One weekend a month MY BUTT ! grrrrr

[JohnKleeb]

14. I got friends over there so I Can relate

I hope to god he makes it out ok.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

15. Thanks ...

So do I ...

[JohnKleeb]

17. No problem

The thing that hurts most about this war is all the people around our age dying sigh, with their whole lives ahead of them, meanwhile Bush has his 40 million dollar party sigh.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

18. Exactly plus he wants 80 BILLION more

and all I have to say about this whole war mess-o-potamia is WHY ? All this was uncalled , unjust and un-needed .

[JohnKleeb]

19. A lot of good people are dying over there

just sick they question our patriotism and support of the troops when we question the war, it is absolute appalling.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

20. Every person over there is a good person ...

I just can't believe how young these soldiers and Marines are . It hurt me so bad last week when I saw the BushCo parading around in their expensive gala wear with smiles on their faces and then the chaos that the military has been thrown into over there . Its going to be A LONG 4 years ... I don't think I am going to be able to handle it without raising some kind of cane .

[JimmyJazz]

11. Saying good-bye is so hard.

My heart breaks to hear this kind of news. Damn, Bush and his stupid war. I'll pray for the safety of your sweetheart and his unit.

Take care and hang out with us! :hug:

Donna

[Missy Vixen]

16. Carolina, hugs to you

I'm not a big pray-er, but I will pray for you and for your sweetheart and his entire unit to arrive back home safe and sound.

I can't even imagine being in your shoes today.

Please tell him that he has the support of DU'ers and that we are thinking of him.

Julie

:hug: to you

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

26. I pray but I don't have religion ...

I am more of a nature worshiper in the sense that I believe in " karma " and that everything happens for a reason . So I do believe that everything will be alright . Thank you for the hug :hug:

[fluffernutter]

23. hugs Carlolina. your sweetie is in my thoughts.

:hug: i'm sorry, i hope he comes home safe to you soon.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

25. You spelled it " Carlolina " and thats a cute name actually ..

I know it was a typo but " Carlolina " would make a beautiful name for a little girl :)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. You both must be miserable...

I'm so sorry. Any way you can get together with wives who aren't in the "gung ho" league, just for some support? :hug:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

28. At this point I am trying to cope on my own ...

I think if I was too see actual wives and children I would just break down and stay in the bed until he comes back home .

[plcdude]

29. my son-in-law

is in Iraq right now and we live on pins and neddles. My daughter puts on a good front and she is Captain in the Air Force and so is he so they keep the upper lips stiff but I know how stressful it is for everyone. You and he will be in our prayers and thoughts for a safe return.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

30. I pray that your son in law comes home safe , sound and soon .

I am on pins and needles too but I try not to show it . His brother is over there with him too so he is not alone - but I just want him and all of his unit home soon ASAP . I will have your son in law and daughter in my prayers too :hug:

[Misunderestimator]

31. Heartbreaking.... I'll keep good thoughts for him while he's over there...

and courage to you both... I have no idea how I could handle a loved one going there... :hug:

[LynneSin]

32. Let us know if your sweetie or any of the folks in his troops need anythin

We at DU can appreciate that these folks aren't given much from the assholes running the country

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

34. They need toilet paper more than anything . Funny but true .

And snack food ( nutri bars and stuff that is perishable ) to help their stomachs away from the MREs and the Burger King food sponsored by Halliburton and Bechtel . I told him to stay away from it as much as possible but since he is going to be hungry then its ok . Again toliet paper , bars of soap , socks , babywipes , hand lotion and moist cloths . Adopt a soldier programs are good because some soldiers don't have anyone back at home and that would really boost their morale if someone sent them a care package .

[LynneSin]

35. Could you PM me an address I could either send stuff too....

...either to you or to him directly in Iraq.

I'll recruit Ramsey here at DU and we'll get a big package together of stuff he might need!

:loveya:

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

36. Thank you :)

They have'nt given him his permanent address yet , the one with the APO and etc ( the army is so slow sometimes , I don't understand it ) and I can't wait to get it because I have letters written up and the box ready to seal up and mail off . He has a huge family sending him stuff already - but there are other soldiers who don't have anyone at all to send them anything which is sad . They get a kick out of care packages from strangers - I mean they get extra happy .

http://soldiersangels.org/heroes/adopt_a_soldier.php

http://www.brandonblog.com/Adopt-A-Soldier.html

http://www.milpagan.org/AS/adopt_a_soldier.html

http://adoptaplatoon.org/new/

[deadparrot]

33. I'm so sorry.

It's appalling that people like your guy have to fight this BS war for a bunch of greedy, rich millionaires.

[foreigncorrespondent]

38. I am so sorry for you!

Even though Sapphocrat doesn't go off to war, I know what it is like to be apart from the one you love, without knowing when you will next be able to hold one another.

I will say prayers for him and his unit. But I will also say one to help you get through the emptiness, distance brings with it.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

39. I have kept my cell phone with me at all times ...

just in case he is able to call . I keep listening to his voicemail message that he sent me a couple of days before he left . Its going to expire around tomorrow but I listen to it over and over again for comfort .

[JohnKleeb]

40. is there any way you can keep it?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

42. I called my celluar phone company ...

and they told me that messages expire after 10 days - I am on the 7th day . And also that if I keep saving the message as new , then they will stay permanently . I am going to pull a " MacGuyver " some kind of way because this is very important .

[foreigncorrespondent]

41. I so understand what you are going through!

If there is any way you can save the voice messages then do it.

When Sapph and I first began dating almost five years ago, she had called my home and left a message on my answering machine. If I still had that answering machine today, I would still have that message.

I also understand your touching the face of your cell phone. Every single day when Sapph has long gone (to bed), if I am at my puter and hear her get the boot from AOL IM's, I always make sure to quickly bring my buddy list up and touch her screen name before it vanishes! That is kind of my way of saying good night to her.

The past two weeks for me have been hard to get through. I had to take Sapph to the airport two weeks ago for her return flight to the U.S. For the first few days I was doing (what some people might find to be stupid) things like finding a little of her hair somewhere and saving it (yes I still have it), and things like that. The one thing which helps me get through the nights is, I have one of her tank tops she had on just before leaving. I haven't washed it and don't intend to, because I can smell her on it. Each night I place that top next to me on her pillow, and during the night when I wake in tears, I at least have something that smells like her to comfort me a little.

I suggest if you have something of your sweeties that you haven't washed, try doing the same thing. You will find it does help.

The one thing you need to watch closely for is making sure you don't fall into deep depression. I know it can happen very easily. Make sure you have a good friend who is willing to be there for you at a moments notice. Also do try and keep yourself busy. Go out with your mates to catch a flick or something. I know you probably aren't much in the mood for socializing right now, but try and force to do at least one thing each week with your friends. Social interaction does help the time pass.

Is this the first time you have been separated like this?

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

43. This is not the first time we have been seperated .

When we first met I was living in Germany and he was an American tourist visting his Army buds who are full Army soldiers , looking around for someone who spoke English and could translate - and voila , I was there . We hung out during that time and exchanged contacts .But at the time I was at the end of a relationship of something that was very bad , so it was good that that relationship ended . He was in the States but we still kept in contact every single day . I moved back to the States and that finally brought us closer together . Things just happen . Things just clicked . And now I am a very happy girl . But it still sucks that he so far away in a situation where only he can contact me . E-mail is ok but I want to hear his voice . Heck last night when I was watching the news , I thought about printing out a fake press pass and becoming a freelance journalist - I just want him safe . But I am seriously avoiding the depression . Sigh ... I start a new job in a couple of days so that will keep me distracted . I am hoping for the best :)

[faithnotgreed]

47. hi... best wishes incl your new job since you posted long ago

that you were out of work and asked if anyone could help.. my brilliant ideas included checking out idealist.org

of course im sorry about your personal situation and for your boyfriend etc that is beyond my comprehension and i send prayers for all
i know it will be ok but i cant imagine the emotions each of you are going through

so congratulations on your new job i wondered if you found anything so its good to know you have what will you be doing?

best wishes

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

48. I start a new job tomorrow and I am very nervous :)

But I am so thankful that I was able to find a new job . I found a job in November but it was unreliable , somedays we work and some days we don't - but I was interviewed a week ago by that same company to be hired permanently because they liked the work that I did ( when we actually did have work to do . ) But I found a new one this week and I start tomorrow - someone is watching out for me .

I am going through a lot of emotions now ... its finally starting to sink in . Its especially hard when I wake up in the mornings and then I realize that he is away . Its very hard whenever I wake up from a nap even . I am keeping my mind distracted and I am also staying away from the news . I look at his pictures and just laugh and then I feel so much better :)

[tk2kewl]

45. I thank you and your beau for your sacrifice.

I only wish you didn't have to make it. Our military should be used to defend our nation not to spread neocon ideology. I hope for his (and all soldiers) safe return.

Peace

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

46. Yes his unit is a National Guard unit ...

meaning he should protecting our state and not Iraq . It makes me so mad whenever I think about it because its mainly the citizen soldiers who are the ones being sent .