Weight, family members and friends

[Droopy]

Do your family members and friends give you a hard time about your weight? I was over at my parent's house last night. We were having a family get together for my grandma's 81st birthday. In attendence were my mom, dad, sister, brother in law, niece, aunt, uncle, cousin, second cousin and grandma. After dinner, grandma opened gifts. My sister got her a photo album filled with pictures of my little niece, who's two years old, and various family members. The pictures ranged from when she was born until the present. One of the pictures was of me holding my niece a day after she was born. When my cousin got to that picture she exclamed, "Look how skinny Droopy used to be!" My sister and mom looked at the picture and were in agreement. According to them I was so much more handsome back then and I should go on a diet. These are three women who are not overweight, but constatantly obsess about their weight anyway like putting on a few extra pounds would be the end of the world. I told them that I was not skinny in the picture. I'm 32 and haven't been under 230 pounds since I was 20 years old. I'm 5'10" tall. I was probably around 230 in the picture in question. I'm in the 250-260 range now. I haven't weighed myself in a while, but the last time I did I was at 250. I've talked here about my struggles with keeping my weight down. I eat like a bird for a guy my size, but can't manage to lose any weight.

If my relatives had thought about when that picture was taken, they would have realized that I was hospitalized for mental illness 3 months afterword. As a matter of fact there is a picture later in the album of me and my niece where we were sitting in a chair together and I had been reading the bottles of my new prescriptions from just after I was released from the hospital. You can see the pill bottles sitting on an end table off to the side in the picture. The reason I bring this up is that I was manic from about May of that year, my niece was born in June and I continued to be manic until about September when the bottom fell out and I had a breakdown and was then hospitalized. I was working sixteen hours a day that whole time, sleeping about 4 hours a night and eating one meal a day. It's a wonder that I wasn't a damn bean pole by the time I was admitted to the hospital.

I don't know about you, but I'll take 250 and sane any day over 230 and fucked in the head. I know I'm fat, I don't need anybody pointing it out to me.

[madison2000]

1. Yes, people are really insensitive about weight- and family is the worst

As one doctor I know says, "fat people know that they're fat. You don't need to point it out".

[bobbobbins]

2. try exercise...its underrated

[Droopy]

4. When I was down to 230

I was getting a lot of exercise. I was renovating a house as well as working a full time job. I was out there doing landscaping, digging up fence posts, painting and hand stripping hard wood floors. After about 6 hours of that I would go into work for 10 hours. I never got below 230. That was coupled with eating once a day and 4 hours of sleep a night. I'm just a big person. I'd probably have to be a marathon runner or completely starving myself to get below that weight.

[fit4life]

3. The other end of the spectrum is no picnic either.

Before I got into hardcore workouts, I was extremely thin. What amazed me wasn't family members, but complete strangers and casual acquaintences not having any problem harping on how skinny I was. People walk on eggshells around overweight folks, but didn't think anything of talking about how I must have to tie myself down on windy days, run around in the shower to get wet, etc. I never could understand the double standard.

[Droopy]

5. I hear you

One of my sisters was like that until she hit her early twenties. My dad used to tease her about it even though he was the same way when he was a kid.

[movie_girl99]

6. i don't know one overweight person that

can/will sympathize with you. I can because I've been on both ends. I was overweight for years and used to catch hell from my family then I started working out and dieting and lost 100 lbs and also became bulimic. I had people constantly telling me i looked ill and that i was too thin.I never thought that i did. I am better now but fight the urges everyday.Had i not been "too thin" i wouldve never known how thin people feel and been able to feel their pain as well.

[Heddi]

12. I can sympathize with that poster

Even though I'm fat, and I'd love to be thin, I know how hurtful comments about your body are. I was teased for being fat, having glasses AND being ugly---three things that either take too long to change, or that can't be changed at all.

It's different than someone poking fun at your personality--calling you a bitch, or unfunny, or boring. The first thing people notice about me is my face, my body. ANd if those are so repulsive (according to family members and schoolmates, office mates, and complete strangers), how must the rest of me be?

I used to be a waitress, and I had a table once and I asked the members of the party what they wanted to eat and one of them said "NOT what you're eating, "pretty"" and just made rude comments about my facial features and my weight. Perfect strangers. Completely unnecessary. As if I don't KNOW I'm not the prettiest girl on the planet. As if I don't KNOW I'm not a "10" body-wise.

My husband is underweight. His family ALWAYS makes inappropriate comments to the both of us..."Hey heddi, how's that diet working for you" and "Hey Mr. Heddi....did you ever put handles in the shower, you know, to keep you from falling down the drain ha ha ha ha". It just KILLS our self esteem. We constantly have to reassure each other that yes, I find you extremely handsome. Yes, he finds me very beautiful. No, we'd never change anythign about our own bodies or each other's bodies. Then, we see family, and all of the confidence we've built jsut goes right down the tubes when his sister comments about being able to see his ribs, and asks me if I'd "Feel comfortable" going swimming, you know, because I'd have to wear a bathing suit.

I do feel your pain, and even though I'm fat, I'd never "wish" hurt upon anyone for any reason, esp. someone who's skinny. Living with a man who is underweight for the past 8 years has completely clued me in that even those that have "perfect" bodies are still chastized and made to feel like shit from other people.

[Blue Diadem]

9. I understand

because in my 20's and early 30's, I also had many things said to me about being thin. One guy from work used to tell me to turn sideways so I would disappear, that way he'd get all the customers. Ugh..it's a no win situation. Now I'm heavy and have to deal with the opposite end of the spectrum. At my last place of employment, I was told by my boss that I needed to run around the factory a few times to lose a few pounds.

[hangemhigh]

7. I heard this shit my entire life, friend.

Finally, I lost 187 pounds (I was very big, about 350). And ya know what? They started bitching that I was too skinny and "should have plastic surgery" to tighten up my skin. I decided, fuck them all. If, and when you are ready to change your weight you will. Period. It's that simple. No amount of bitching or left handed compliments will make a difference. People are cruel as hell about fat, family especially, all under the guise of good intentions. And you know what, when the fat is gone, you may learn that the same folks who rode your ass about it have a vested interest in you being fat again. Total head trip. Ignore
it. Or ask, the next time, "Why would you say something so hurtful?"
Then get on with your life, at any weight. It's not a measure of who you are, this I am certain of. I hope this helps.

[Droopy]

13. Congrats on the weight loss

I really don't feel too bad at my current weight. I'm pretty comfortable with it. Of course I'd like to be thin. There probably isn't a fat person alive who wouldn't.

[Heddi]

8. "Oh Heddi, I hope you don't mind if we eat x food....I'm sure you're on a

diet..."

I've heard that SO many times.

Or family members who haven't seen me in a year of more coming up to me "Oh my! You've lost SOOO much weight. You look SO good now"

but the reality is, I've constantly gained weight since I was 18 years old. I'll be 29 in March, and have never lost more than 5lbs at a time (which immediately goes back on, bringing 5lbs worth of friends with it)

I hate the condescending attitude that because I'm fat, I *MUST* be on a diet. I *MUST* be trying to lose weight. I'm not, and I'm not.

My sister in law who is very mean to me because I'm fat and my family is poor, came up to me a few years ago and said how good I looked, how much weight I lost....I just blew up. I said 'Gee, audrey, that's funny, because I've gained 25lbs since the last time I saw you. You really need to get your eyes checked if you think I look thinner than I did before"

My husband, though, is very thin. He's about 5'10 and weighs 125 lbs. We're the real-life Mr & Mrs Jack Spratt. Seriously! He gets it from his family too.

He's very thin, and his sisters are always saying "Jeeze, boy, don't she (meaning me) feed you? When are you going to put on some weight?" and mean things like that.

We're both very uncomfortable with our bodies because of the cruel comments people make about them. He's tried to gain weight as much as I've tried to lose it, both of us are wildly unsuccessful in it. In fact, his metabolism is so fast that if he skips a meal, he loses 3lbs or more. We've both been checked out by our respective doctors for horomonal/thyroid/etc problems, and we're just naturally fat and naturally skinny respectively.

I'm sorry that your family, and my family, and so many other families are just so downright cruel to us because we don't meet THEIR urealistic goals of what a "real" or "normal" or "pretty" or "acceptable" person looks like.

I think you said a mouthful when you said this:

I know I'm fat, I don't need anybody pointing it out to me.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[Jessica]

10. I think you said it all ...

So many people, even those closest to you, can be highly insensitive when it comes to weight issues. I don't know why - maybe in some twisted way, it helps them feel better about themselves ... but when it hurts you in the process, there's just no excuse.

I'm not overweight, but I gained the typical "freshman 15" in college & have never gotten rid of it. I remember my dad making some comment at the time that really hurt. People just talk without thinking ...

It really sounds like you're comfortable with who you are, though - so I hope you don't worry about what they say ... :hug:

[ernstbass]

11. Sadly, I have family members just like you

I can't have a conversation with my mother without my weight being brought up. It sucks doesn't it?